There is more to the Hearts eye, that matches the minds eye...which then becomes the window to our Soul-

Having taking the time to literally battle myself with the idea of the inevitable, I have finally allowed the existence of what was meant to be be. As it became I started to literally think about the numerous times when all I wanted to do was guide and direct it to where it needed to be. Well received by me, with an open heart and wings of best intentions. There would be no need to allow anything to unsettle my mind and the devised plan that I prepared before me. As with everything I assumed life would be controlled and sustainable and something that I could literally guide to it's fruition, and so everything appeared to have gone easily until my heart decided to literally defy the magnetic fields of pull...

 If love could be tested and bought to the attention to all as a scientific reasoning of it's study, then I would be the prime candidate for observation. I would literally give all my experiences and sense of self to have my love measured. When I sought love I was nearly blinded by my passionate need to have everything I wanted raised up before me in the best visual field, so I could exam everything all at once and make my decisions, but this time love was cast to me unknowingly. I knew him, but I didn't really know him. My desire for him continued to grow and build, but as my desire and interests in others remained his love shined differently and more vibrantly. A complicated and less expected love was placed before me, and I willingly started to allow it to seep in. Everything that I had previously experienced with other forms of love, other peoples when in love and my reactions to other types of love when I was in love was not met with opened arms...everything that I knew before about love and my experience within love was forever erased.

 I write this out and can title it blind faith, but yet I welcome it into my life. A life that was rather complicated in the thickening of romance and relationships, a life that was less travelled by the faintest heart...but yet I continued to rise to the occasion and ride the waves of truth. I would not allow my weakened stance within the realms of a lover's arm to deter me. I would not. As easily as a blackboard was cleared and erased so was my hardened heart and the previous years and experiences to date.

As easy as a magic wand being waved before my very own eyes my heart was freed, and within the

freedom my heart allowed for you to exist. You comfort me in my time of need. When I reach out to you, you allow yourself to be fully present even when your constraints and earthly vibrations afford you many places to be, but yet you remain at home with me. How is it that you are compromised, but yet you walk freely around as if there is no barrier between you and I? How is it that I finally feel safe and content within your arms, and know no other in such a short time?

 There could be no love greater than a blinded love with the emphasis and respect of a higher love.

She Knows...

With so much visual stimulation the mind can become quite pleased with being a people person, and oriented in the ways of passion with the benefits of pleasure.


 Am I forcing myself to conform? I say that with such conviction because it sounds just about right. Currently, I am looking through the rose tinted lens and at no one in particular- Is it selfish to only want what you want, because every other possible outcome serves as limiting? I am stifled by conformation, and when I say conformation I make mention to say that everything that has limitations on it becomes stifling.

My zest for the journey when I search for that one true love continues to bubble to surface too much former residue. The residue that is attached to a healing hurt is the guilt feelings attached with the past. I look back and wonder what was it that allowed the relationship to sink below.

There are so many reasons, and factors in the previous relationships that listing them all would only reflect a one sided opinion. So I journey towards the continued development and nourishment of my own life. If emotions were food I literally would have eaten my fill several times over. I also noticed that my love for some has been with conditions, which has allowed me to pursue the relationships with a lessened need to further it outside of my very own expectations. It’s difficult to see yourself in such a light, but it also affords you the opportunity to see just who you have been, you currently are and where you are looking to further yourself at and in a particular area of your life.

 I may write about my adventures and misadventures within the realms of love and life, but yet I am saddened by them when revisiting those experiences. Was I ever truly loved by my partner? Did I truly ever give my entire all, or was I continually limiting myself in each experience? I can only answer by saying that the emotions I register from general interest within a partner, physical appeal and attraction and mental stimulation has become the fore front in a lot of my decisions, but what I have countered and at times dismissed was my inner yearnings and gut instincts when I began to feel out the person. I literally had my answers available before me (Don’t go there…listen take your time, there is no rush…let it and him go), but yet I continued to push myself forward needing to make my best attempts at finding my true love, I didn’t want to miss any opportunity and wasn’t reflective in my choosing, which in essence stifled me. The more I saw with my very own two eyes was everything that a relationship I had envisioned wouldn’t exist in. The more upfront and stern I had become when addressing my needs, the more
I pushed them away. It has literally been a cycle of temporary success. So now, I see for myself that I have not entirely given up on the idea of finding the actively in love situation, because I like, I have liked and I have lusted for some. I have even expressed momentary love for the person, but I wasn’t deeply in the trenches in love, and so what is getting caught in my emotional drainage is that passing love.

Nothing to claim as my very own, and it’s within this battle I have come to accept the temporary as passing interest, but now I am wanting and needing so much more from an experience that it literally impaled my aching heart when I started to see just what I attracted is what I have become… The Journey Continues!