My inner calm is being called into question. The initial
knee jerk feeling of instant lust which rapidly defines the way I relate to a
liked interest totally wasn’t present today. I was calm, clear headed and not
thinking on a feeling or even having a feeling. I was purely engaged in the
moment at hand. I was listening to his stories about himself and dating and
relating experiences. I was intently listening to him, while I was doing a self-check
within accessing how I was feeling during our initial meet, checking my
expectations for the time being and seeing exactly where I was at with this
date, this moment and this man who sat before me.
I was calm and content; my
emotions were in check and my mindset was focused only on the present moment.
I felt at ease and not
in a rush to go over potential boyfriend, mate, and life partner qualifiers. The
never-ending list of attributes of wants, needs and must have features to be
desired for. If I allowed my attention during the date to wander off in the
land of match making I would entirely be lost, but not this moment in time. I
looked at him, and continued to stare with interest and wonder about who he was?
What motivates him to get up and out of bed each day? What does his love look
like and feel like per him? Has he ever been in love? What is love? These questions all popped up in my mind, as
soon as they flooded my brain waves I started to silence them instantly. I wasn’t
going to overwhelm my mind with objectives, goals and end dates and
expectations. I would confuse my mind, trouble my heart.
He is: Gentle and courteous and compassionate. A gentleman,
patient and passionate. Setting his best intentions, easily understood and not
overly complicated or overwhelming. Kind and considerate and openly caring.
What the hell was I dating before? These qualities were not
even existent for me as I previously dated. I was looking high and low and
searching all around for the signs of a lover whose interest in me would never be
questioned, his core values in regards to dating and relationships would never
hold his perspective partner in suspense. It was as if he flowed organically
and my soul was at ease.
I’m not rushing to judgement.
I am feeling acute interest with a side of balanced order.
This time it feels different.
