It’s so difficult hearing someone tell you about yourself in
the most negative outlook. Sometimes we think that in everyone else’s eyes we
are amazing figures, and that whatever we failed to do and achieve in their own
individual eyes remains secondary and never important.
I had to hear someone out today. Stomach tossing and turning
with anxiety of the awaited ear lashing of what I assumed would be insufficient
bullshit. In actuality it was significant. It mattered, and I got a clear
picture of how I reacted and responded to this person.
Selfish, self centered and absorbed. Viewpoint and
interaction with him limited and one sided.
Spoken like a true champ!
Can we say deflated ego a bit? Was this how “he” viewed my
interactions with him? Ugh! So be it. I started to become upset and angry all
at once. When someone calls me out, or makes their best attempt at getting my
attention in regards to a response and reaction normally a finalized encounter
would occur, but this time I acknowledged the truth. My response was the
absolute acceptance of the reality of the situation.
I have wanted more from my sought after partner. Dreamed of
many interactions of the fairy tale and fuzzy endings. I never really looked at
all the aspects of relationships, the dual demands from two viewpoints. I
WANTED IT ALL and more, but going about it and being about it apparently are
two different experiences.
So where do I go from here? Finding so much wrong……
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