When everything appears to have been rejuvenated and looking fresh as the clearest streams, I then become patient and await the downfall of misunderstandings, disappointments and that ever to present feeling of something feeling too good to be truly present in my most current and inner needs of life. So going from a flighty high point and moment to an utter stillness to await the draft of deception, short-lived and forget about its I then became aware of me like quite no other self-assessment and life check in point.
I became aware of toxic thoughts and negative connotations associated with my mindset on my own personal battles with love and my thoughts on love and how I received and wanted to receive love within my life. I then began to let out all the pinned up disappointed air and faced myself and my feelings at hand. Yes I had fallen in love with someone. Yes I continued to admire and love them from afar and within kissing distance. I did not attempt to express myself as openly as possible within the realms of our budding friendship. I also did not understand nor respect my friend/lover/partners relationship and romantic woes as well. For our pinup and hold outs with love resembled each other. Instead of focusing on two human beings with a mutual and physical affinity for one another I became bitter and instantly angered at why things wasn’t occurring according to how I envisioned saw best. Why couldn’t he feel as I feel? Or emotionally express and open himself up as I do and did many times (or so I thought)?
I let go of hard feelings. I let go of difficult thoughts that kept me paralyzed to my own life and development. Having loved before, I knew I would love again, but this time with no expectations or downfalls or toxic thoughts to batter me about.
Freely, openly and intelligently I am gracefully guiding my heart in.
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