Honestly Speaking...

So I wait all of this time to absolutely become swallowed within myself and fear the developing of another's touch, taste and embrace and shared life experiences with me. I allow life to coincide with my individual needs and wants, but then when life presents a want and a need I have desired after and for, I become lost for words and have a hard time swallowing. My throat aches from the pull of what I know I should be saying, but I don't. I instantly become an active listener and I tune into you, but tune myself out. How do I begin again? Better yet, how do I allow myself to remain in a calm and not so much fixed state? Your responses are not what I am to expect. My reaction towards you are not to be forced. The flowing force of nature and pure life chemistry can not be tested, and I wont tamper with it. I have no doubts and I have no fear. Normalcy resumes I begin to breathe again. my once dry mouth is moistened and my former fears kindly separate from me. Suddenly I am faced with the reality of possibly more. How do I go about recieving him? I can not overwhelm my mind with that thought of what possibly could happen between us. Nothing has even started, but my mind is playing a game of Life...All I know is that feelings of doubt begins to creep in, and I visit all my faults and thoughts in question in regards to a relationship. I literally psych myself out, but this time I don't want to fear it or the start of it. I want to embrace it and allow it to bloom. I don't want to rush it, for whenever I rush no needs get met, only the basic ones and those needs are so limiting. So within this mood swing of sorts, I can honestly say I have checked myself back into normalcy and I await to experience you.