Silent all these Years...

My heart wasn't entirely present today. My mind was readily available, and it was determined to gather everything it had collected in it's defense. My mind was unsettled and not confidant in the few experiences that have guided it's present state. Unbeknown to what my lips would spill forth, the nervous tension and ambivalence in my stance became even more obvious. Yes, something was going to be told and it wasn't something that would crack smiles to ashen faces. It was neither something that would cause for celebration and admiration in ones inspiration. It was painful, it was difficult but yet it had to be done.

The build up was intense. The mindset was fixed and the heart was hiccuping perplexities. Angina attacks ensued...it appeared as if the room was spinning. Everything was unsettling. A thought, a reason as to why...just everything was unstable, but yet it had to be spoken.

I felt the most fearful feelings mixed with extreme let down and disappointment within self. I literally felt the nail going into the coffin, and yet I wondered if this is something I should simply tread on in thought only, or would I echo my sentiments in mixed passings...

I could no longer hold in the discomfort felt and the unanswered questions as to why this was occurring between us. Yes, life would simply be easy when you could really just point out someone to literally blame any and everything on, cry about it an transition on to fresh meadows and clear skies, but this situation and issues built upon issues was not like any other.

A difference of opinions and a difference in whose slights, anger, aggression and annoyance wielded the most woes this week. Everyday was a push and budge effect on a love stricken battle field, and it simply boiled down to...how are you really feeling? Yet I still attempted to blame and point and cry and argue, but to whose interest and whose happiness? Not I...

An interest bloomed. A wavering of emotionally interactions stormed unsure seas and lost. A battle of the mind and heart whose not working alongside one another will always spell trouble, and yes it was a battle of all the wills and wits and emotional fronts I lost to.

I am neither amazed or saddened.

I knew.