Got A Secret Can You Keep It: Summer Amor

The Universal pull to have everything within your grasp has never been so proven true to me until my recent life happenings, and yet I remain truly graced and thankful and honored for the ability to have life happen to me and for me. It’s as if all my wishes and thought to dreams have all come absolutely true when I trust in the universal pull of life happenings.

A blast from the past afforded me a memory to recollect a time in my life where I was just learning the essence of being an adult, and learning adult relationships and guiding my passions in life as to where they wanted to be, and so the opportunity presented itself and I simply allowed life to happen. This guaranteed nothing, but it expressed everything. I absolutely went with what I was feeling. Emotionally sound for absolutely anything!

I listened.

I reasoned.

I acknowledged.

I validated.

No longer was my past a memory, but it was right before me, and I did not allow my feelings to best me, but I allowed my feelings to grant me the present moment. As I listened to his sorrows I listened to the modern issues of the dating life of a toxic love, a love that was not built to last, but it was maintained for pure selfish survival tactics. I felt empathy towards his heart and began to remember the times when I was primary in his life, but then I allowed that memory to simply fade away.

All carnal instincts seeped in. I became the woman who was sent to devour his unkempt passions and rugged emotions. I was a rogue soul in need of taming, but yet I neither gave my entire self away, just a piece of me as a healing force and reminder to him what a woman’s desires would do.

I don’t know where this is headed, and I want to start to daydream about the what, when and why and where do we go, but deep down inside I know I can’t even taint with the universal fate of a life experience, which may fade into a dream.

I devoured.

Entranced in Passions.

Held and consoled.

Piece of me.

A Bump In The Road has revealed my love style and passions for you.

A bump in the road is like a imploding groceries basket...my eggs cracked on the floor, the oranges went rolling down the aisle and the gallon of milk kindly slide down my leg and pinched my pinky toe, but miraculously it did not burst open. Am I thankful for the accident, or simply in wonderment of where the hell did my luck go?

a SIMPLE mistake could be a costly blow to an emergence of a love like never before.  A reminder that we are no longer just dating ourselves, but we include the wholeness of our partner, and in this inclusion we are bringing along personal passions, personal thoughts and ideas on how their love style is to match, perhaps vibe and at times overwhelm our very own concept of a dual role within passion.

Sometimes I can be selfish, and at other times I can simply want to just please you...but there is nothing like satisfying your very own inner cravings at meeting your most desired passions, or harboring a secret of your lover, in memory of your lover from your lover...not out of spite or to blackmail them or perhaps display the memory of them to everyone, but to put a time capsule on a moment in your shared time that they were vulnerable to you. A moment where they meant everything to you.

In your stillness I captured your peace and calm. Your love spread amongst your body from head to toe, as if it were your angelical wings. As your breath labored a rhythmic breeze of a distinct in and out, I was lost in your closed eyes. Once they opened I would no longer be able to look away from you, because once I look at you I never want to turn away.

I capture your pictures because out of everyone I have ever loved I was never able to get a clear cut memory of experiencing a life moment with them. It seemed as if my relationship with whomever I held a distinct interest with wasn't something I wanted to capture naturally until now.

Let me count the ways...

It's within your exit that has afforded me the ability to reclaim my L.O.V.E

A lover once presented himself to me, and in his presentation he unfolded in so many which of ways that I no longer could tell where he started and where he ended. And so, as my lover transformed before me and his body movements I could no longer mimic, love style and even love language changed up continually, and yet here I remained consistently confused with my impressions received and regenerated from my limited interactions with him and called this love. Deciding to continue to make my most attempts at deciphering his unique love code I no longer felt my feet on the ground, but my body becoming elevated straight on up in the air, as if my decent upward was a shot straight from the arrows of Cupid. These emotions where chemically induced toxicity, which invaded my entire senses and corrupted everything within me. A few days of interest turned into weeks of unrequited passion to months of burgeoning love to the cold hard fast spilt of a passing year gone bad.

This moment in my lifetime afforded me the ability to feel distinctly the discomfort of what could have been a joined union to forget. I struggled and then suffered and then reclaimed my emotional balance. There was a time when I thought I could easily exist within the walls of an unknown relationship, whereas I would go about my regular life routine and social living and happenings without you, but eventually find some time within the thick of the night to lay with you. No recollection of the day past or the day presenting us. No kissing, no unrestrained touches or uncalculated moments that could possibly claim us. The gentle ease of comfort would never be a welcomed emotion, because it was always foreign and loving him was never with ease.

So as our year came to a close, prior to the 365^th day we officially ended and in the depths of the spiral that made it’s most attempts at formulating a love depression, I exited a cracking shell and within my emergence my heart continued to beat a rhythmic beat of a story of love that captivated me, and although I was exiting this relationship unchallenged or claimed by any love affects felt from my former flame; I was neither discouraged or disappointed. In fact, I felt loved even more. Realizing that he could neither give me the love I truly desired, because I didn’t even understand what this love resembled, had allowed me to search for it in our departure, and as I searched for it I received it, and in receiving it I saw that a deeply seated love within would always outweigh the love we seek endlessly from our significant others. I no longer would be a gleam of interest in someone else’s eyes, but I would be beam of light that permeated love from within.

It was as if the last days of my relationship was an exit interview, and upon my exit I answered several questions that allowed me to set the tone for my present relationship experience. The love received mirrors the deepened love within myself. As I bond closely to my lover, I realized that everyone else that was vying for my attention never matched my love style, and for this I am proud of  my developing love style, and the man that has captured my heart.

Presently my love style is matched. My kisses are met and clasped between his awaiting lips. His body rests and is relaxed comfortably next to me. We awake and kiss our gratitude for our mutual existence and shared love. We are thankful for yesterday, but reside in the present moment before us. We don’t seek attention, but validate one another as only a lover could. When we part ways to attend to our individual life occurrences we secretly sob in unison of our missed connection, although it’s not broken it fades lightly in distance, but when we become connected once again it’s like a babies first breath.

This recollection of my present reminds me of everything that had existed before, and everything that I had let fade away.

I thank you for your exit, my EX.