I have once again thrown myself into my own enclosed life
happenings which have all evolved around semi planning, constant daydreaming
and channeling my inner golden tube of creativity and self awareness of exactly
who I am, and whom I’m becoming. I am in awe and adoration of HER “Me”, and so
I started the year loosely cutting the ties of experiences that haven’t kept my
interest, but contented me enough to wet my appetite for rekindled romances
that are forever stunted in their start to finish, and as each bond was severed
I started to remember why the bonds had been broken and why it has become
convenient to rekindled such fallen attempts at love, because disappointment is
best served chilled, and apparently I was already one cup in!
He was someone I could see the present and future with. He
was someone that I spent numerous travel hours with. To and from our homes
cities to our planned getaways, it was like nothing else mattered, but our
inability to compromise on balancing our relationship or even further
developing our relationship caused our downfall and created distance and space
that never seemed to have been able to catch up to one another, but yet oddly I
held hope for the ability of an unfiltered love to gather it’s steam in the
midst of many of life’s storms and for us to be deemed the two sailing ships in
the night, that once again cross ways…but all the hoping and dreaming and
wondering if our path crossings once again was beyond my control. As we started
down the path of familiarity, we began entertaining rekindled hopes and lover’s
tales of our travels and steamed meetings that left us never wanting to part.
Our distance of 900 miles away was cut to just about 20 miles away! The idea
that distance at one time had kept us apart, was no longer an excuse and it was
even more apparent that our lovers heart’s had reached it’s threshold and it
was time for us to exist, but yet as with my experience with rekindled love and
life experienced within the past, I knew that I simply needed to let it and HIM
go, but yet I yearned for the moment when all had failed because I knew that he
was never the one for me, but a channel for a life experience that I needed to
go through in order to develop the ability to be able to let it and them and
all my distant recurring memories go.
We could never agree to a mutual meeting location because of
our schedules. My life took an amazing blessing of a turn and my reality began
to unfold in almost an open to clasped handed stance ever so peacefully. I had
almost agreed to a shared weekend in the mountainous regions of my new home,
but yet I listened to my inner stirring that caused me to request a sit down
meeting to discuss where this rekindled romance was possibly going…it was then
I received the strength to inquire about the uneasiness I was feeling about our
rekindled romance and the future of us if there was to be us…
It was then the disappointment and the reality of the
expected failed romance settled in with me. He was living a dual life with
hopes of easing inside of me once again, basking in our created bucket listed
fantasies shared amongst us in many destinations and hotels where we desired.
Little did he know that I was no longer a fantasy that he desired, I couldn’t
meet him half way or await for the departure of his newly revealed relationship
to end as smoothly as he stated it to me. Taken aback, but balanced with the
hope that I knew looking in the past for fallen love would be exactly that…dead
to me.
So I let him go, he faded to black in the midst of the
broken hearts.
So I look forward.
I have moved forward, and with the hopes of no longer
rekindling lost loves, but developing new found interests shared openly and communicated
honestly and with my best intentions on moving forward and wanting absolutely
more, because I desire a mate who will exist in the present and bridge to my
future without haunting me as a rekindled past member of the losing cycle
within love.
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