For the 2-5...a lesson in the lust.

 It's neither a hit or a miss or a stoppage in my personal growth goal of self reflection for the 25". 

I have realized that I enjoy the art of conversating. I literally look forward to the captive engagement of sharing information, questioning mutual wonderment and being able to clearly define a mutual interest or some what of a hidden fantasy or past time of a desire. 

There is nothing like the instant bang of a chemical connection inspired by situational thoughts of unhinged passions; to be even more specific the thought of a sexually charged battle to the nights' end is something of a distant dream, but not that far off distant. 

Where I went a little astray this one time was expecting a mutual explosion of the connective fusion mentally and physically, and what resulted was a misinterpreted mind fuck. Let's just say I was projecting what I assumed would be a shared bond of mutual desire and passion, a moment in time where I could simply be in the midst of something. 

It was carnal. I wouldn't attach a scent to it, I would simply say that he gives off intense waves of energy that felt as if it had connected with me before he spoke. I would say a ravenous passion, a quiet and thunderous energy that I haven't felt in such a long time. I really wanted to forget as to why I was there, but I slowly started to bring my attention back to my session; and the immediate feelings of wondering how to pursue this interest; this shared moment of combustive tension...

For what it was worth I guess I realized three things, my passions can be so intense that common sense has no room to enter into the conversation. Secondly, I was wanting something that never could really exist in my current life pattern, placement and need in this present moment; lastly, the reality of Lusting for or Lusting after swiftly fades away when it no longer serves its purpose, so this is perhaps why it could never be or become. 

Tada!

I Am Open To This...a deepened connection within

So let me get this right...I am more in alignment with my emotional self overall. Mentally I am able to run down everything that makes sense to me. I can look at everything from a desire, need and want perspective, and make a clear assessment of my outcome that I will be wanting. I decided that I need to mentally trust myself to not be as impulsive as I once was, and sometimes it's ok not to be so responsive or make a decision about something I may regret later, or it simply isn't for me. I am learning when to take a bow, and not an ego generated bow or nerves be damned bow, but simply stepping away gracefully because I can. 

Physically I have noticed I have become one with my back aches, my breasts fullness and the swelling and bloating of my belly at times. The headache and moments when I am undone to everyone and then ready for the world all at once. I simply can be so untouchable and in an instant a molten lava. I am wanting and needing of YOU to the point of physical exhaustion, mental taxation. There is in fact enjoyment in the pain or tinge of jealousy. Oh yes, I can be a little jealous, a little envious of situational experiences and moments in time when I could have made a better choice or at least wallowed in the narrowing down of a bad decision, but yet I somehow coasted and maintained my head above water; which I am ever so thankful for.

So I am at a peak state of my mind, body and heart are at  their highest levels and they are all roaring to experience and co-exist all as one, but in accordance with passionate exchanges and intimate connections and fantasies and desires of the now, there is nothing like the intensity of the sunnier days ahead, the higher temperatures and the experience of hidden treasures and Summer love. 

The intensity of it all..in the moment.

I felt the intensity, that deep seated passion of pure unadulterated desire. The desire to be physically attached and taken over by him was so severe, I had to take a moment to get up and walk around in a circle to gather myself. As he was speaking to me about a general conversation all I could imagine was him kneeling over me and looking me deep into my eyes telling me what he was going to do to me. My body started to arch with interest, of the impression and indent on the bed he made. I lifted my body towards him wanting him to engulf my body in its entirety. I wanted his lips all over me and tongue deep inside of me. I could literally feel his imprint all over me, I wanted and needed him absolutely NOW. 

Not a myth or legend, he exists.

I started back reading romance books from like the early 90's and 2000's. I wanted to have a little peace of romantic mind, because I truly miss the days of a masculine man who simply wanted to please a woman thoroughly. 

 

A man who remembers how to engage a woman in a conversation, that connects with her mind and centers himself directly on her sacral soul. I absolutely love the fact that a connection can be made and cultivated. A connection that can be grown and centered on the build. The build is the best, the increased sensation of passion fatigue and immense mental pleasure circulating throughout your body, mind and soul. That is the trifecta I miss! 

I miss the most intimate moments of a fingertip touch, a lip locked kiss and a gentle embrace that leads to a rested and nestled in hug. The scent of a man after getting off from work to then come home and shower and settle back into his home. That clean cut scent of a man. I am literally sniffing in the air like a woman in passion or "heat". The carefree masculinity that there is no need to call it into attention, but the need to simply appreciate a man in his whole, in the midst of the moment and furthermore a man who is aware of his Prescence. 

I appreciated the man that used to remember the notes of my body, a gift to the "meet up" destinations throughout our numerous getaways. It was never the Tanqueray that had me swaying, it was the conversation before the embrace, the nestled kisses and the guided placement of my body seeking our destined connection as bodily one. I loved the fact that we was on a journey together, that we literally moved to the notes our bodies would make. Sometimes it was rhythmic and other times it was simply a rapid rush to express the emotions that we were holding onto. 

Calgon...Calgon...Take me away and back to the day of the masculine, sensual man. The myth and legend for sure, but never lost on in my day dreams.

So I write this message as I pay homage to the memory of the masculine man, who is not a myth or a legend, he actually exists. He is infused with sensual mysticism which encourages the connection of mind, body and soul. His needs range from carnal desires to simplistic peace and affection. He loves to linger on every word, as his eyes make the necessary connection to each spot on your body that is yearning for his attention and time. 

Can I kick it? YES I CAN

People, Places and Them Thangs!

I guess you can say it's spin the block season...from jilted lovers to former flames that at one time occupied my world. My life has been simply amazing and exhausting all at once. What is a girl to do, with memories and broken dreams and promises of love, life and lusting on another...

I simply am in the mood to entertain, but not really. I am not looking for a reason as to why we never worked out, or even what the cause for the break was really about, or even for that matter an outlined guide as to where and why we went wrong and where we are now.

I want to be sitting in front of the TV looking at the former flames of my past as they literally spill the beans on to why we never worked, what could have been and why it never even made it. At one time I was seeking closure, I was even seeking a serious apology, but at this moment and point in my life I am realizing a major few things and my enjoyment in my own growth within these relationships has revealed that I have been experiencing so many growth notes in this life experience that has guided me to my now. My now is happening and it's showing me that my need for self absorbed experiences independent of another is greater then my need to experience a moment through a partnership, lust lead moment or an on/off romantic encounter. Being in this self absorbed bubble has taught me the most about myself, my partner and the relationships that I have grown into, through and grown out. 

I am here in the belief that life will lead me to the moment that will grant me personal serenity and satisfaction. Life will continue to leave me seated in a throne of grace. The grace I afford myself to believe in my personal legend, personal pathway and simple goals of being at one within. At healing within, and although I share some of my time and world with my partner currently it does not supersede the love, grace and space that I have cultivated within for these past 43 years, soon to be 44!

So a little birdie inspired me to revisit my blog, to relearn the lessons of love, life and the memory of my yesterday and today. Thank you Birdie, for you are another gifted writer too!

                                     She dreamt it. She believed in it. She lived it!