A Lover's in-depth journey within-

I love you:

There is never a time when my mind doesn't go to you. When my heart is literally skipping several beats when I receive a text or call from you. When I am feeling overwhelmed or lost in a situation and I am needing the freedom to feel and sense of escapism. It's all captured in you. If you could measure the emotional capacity to love, my love for you would transcend any number. I see my life shared with yours. I gift my life and future children to you. I would never leave you. 

I miss you:

Even when I separate from you the day, afternoon, evening to night all revolves around you. Your smile, laugh and scent remains embedded in my mind. I sleep restlessly without you, and it's until I start thinking of you everything within me settles a little more. I hear your name, chase your shadow. Time can go by, and we could have given each other space, but there goes no day or night when I don't envision kissing you.

I like you:

You aren't judgmental, you are intelligently opinionated and open minded and you are able to openly address your issues at hand clearly and concisely and you are fair. Be it good news or bad, you state it. Whatever you are feeling you calmly display it. You pay attention to me, and you honestly have taken notice of me. I enjoy our friendship, time spent together unplanned and planned. Your personality and overall being is what settles it for me.

I want you:

Sexually you are everything that drives me to want more from you. I have taken the role of your lover, your partner, your sextress. I have dared myself to explore the barriers of ones limiting mind, and not from fear of trying new experiences out with you, but from fear of failing miserably at them, but yet with you I can fly high. I reach many levels of echoing passions that resound deeply within me, but when I am with you it all makes sense. 

I hate you:

Our love is different for one another. I am settled and wanting more from you, you are in the midst of bachelor life and fear of being a conformist. Regardless of the benefits of our love, that you have visibly seen between us, you remain closed off to more. You will let me go, see me fall in and out of love, lust and life with another because of your fears. You are so blinded by your denoucement of your passions, that you not only deny you, you deny US.

I lust for you:

Call me a "Cheetah" or a woman whose inability to simply fall in love, choose one person and get on with life will forever remain tainted and affected because of my love, lust and emotional connection to you. I could be involved with another, but yet you will always have my attention and interest. I can be in the midst of a celebration, holding my partners hand and enjoying the sentiments of the night, but yet I will long and remember only you.

Putting out into the universe an acceptance of a universal love. A love not experienced by the one whose infatuated with another, but a love desired by two...

Recently I have been the object of peoples affections and attentions. I matter to them mostly when I can remain occupied by only their attentions, and yet as flattered as I could possibly be, I still long for more. My mind roams when we are apart, and in it's destination it has arrived at another's life scene. 

I could simply eat up this attention, and capitalize on being objectified. I could simply turn it on the gender based ego boosters in relationships nowadays. Or perhaps, I could say I am thinking like a man, while acting like a lady. 

Or, I could allow these life occurrences to happen and simply learn from each moment while retaining my truth in the fact of knowing how I love, and love to be loved. Knowing what drives me in my partnerships, and what will compel me to revisit and explore an opportunity once again. 

The Month of love, not confined to just one day 2-14. It's significance and definition within my life-

The month of February has held so many different definitions within my life, that it has allowed this reflective entry to come to fruition.

 This month always was to be projected a "predictive month" be it in my romantic life, dating life and single life. It's as if I focused only on what the month should give to me and represent to me, I had completely forgotten it's lore, because I was set on this particular day defining my love, showing how my love was to valued and thinking that this moment only would confirm and define my relationship.

Love is to be given freely and received openly.

 Once we set our intentions on perfecting love and defining love then we loose the essence of what love really is...

So I journey on this in-depth mission to no longer define my love, but create a love experience that will continue to blossom and bloom.

So will everyone be my Valentine...

 The  #LoveMe Challenge is a way to Learn how to Love me, and Love everyone else who enters my life openly and unconditionally.

1) Why are you doing the #loveme challenge? 

I am doing the #LoveMe challenge to learn more about my love style, and how do I love and continuing to love me more.

2) A photo of YOU

Question 2 Answer

3) A word that describes you?

DREAMER

4) A person who loves you?

I love me

5) A note to your past you?

Dear Past Robyne: You will go through many up's and down's, but you will appreciate the times when you were alone. To think and feel and develop your emotional self even more. 

6)  A note to your future you?

Dear Future Robyne: Relinquish your fears of a faithful and loving man who would genuinely love you as a whole and not in pieces of you.

7) One thing that is just for you?

A nice pen!

8) Share a scar:

My leg scar-

9) Share something beautiful:

Something Beautiful 

10) Share a secret:

 I  will always remember 4/22/10

11)  Share a smile:

12) Share a flaw:

I want everything to happen exactly how I imagine it will be experienced, and when I am let down it's the worst

13) Share a Quote:

"I think therefore I am"

14) Share a fear you overcame:

 I walked over the Manhattan Bridge for the first time, January 15, 2014 

15) Something you have done right:

 Living my life according to how I see, feel and think fit. No interruptions or exceptions.

16)  Something you like about yourself:

I like my sensual side of myself. My ability to show love in numerous ways

17) Something that feeds your soul:

Long summer days, salt water and My Travels

18)Something that feeds your brain:

 Reading and meditation time

19) Something you feel strongly about:

Finding true love

20) Something you love to wear: 

Sandals, maxi dresses, shades

21) Something you are proud of: 

My ability to rise to the occasion and come from hardships faced, humbled and grateful for the experience

22) What makes you unique? 

I'm authentically me

23) What is your best feature?

My smile

24) What makes you happy?

all aspects of writing. Being creative and doing exactly everything how I want to do and experience.

25) What makes you laugh?

Anything that can bring a smile to my face, touch my heart and bring a happy tear to my eyes

26) What makes you feel beautiful?

When I am feeling good on the inside it's reflective on the outside and I feel good.

27) What have I accepted about YOU (me)?

I have accepted that I won't settle for anything that does not feel good to me.

28) What have I learned in these 28 days?

To love openly, honestly and relentlessly. 

I dream of a day when my heart is at ease, content and happily satisfied. I catch of glimpse of you within my night glistened eyes and I know that once I awake you will forever be gone.

Openly and Passionately I dream of L.O.V.E

Serendipity or Serenity?

Harmonious peace is something I have entirely encountered. My emotional stance has remained one of a fixed nature. I am no longer under the impressions of another, and my very waking day is entirely within my choosing. The questions that have centered within my mind have all required me to ask myself once again my thoughts on relationships, romance as it enters and exits my life alongside with needing to be simply selfish and languish within the sweat stained sheets of my lovers persistent, but non sticking passions...

Can I sustain myself in a monogamous state? A realistic question that has nearly stilled me to dig deeper and find an answer to my ever present problem of maintaining an emotional balance and connection with a lover. I can say that my interests dim within the many challenges and changes in a relationship, but to entirely turn the switch off as if nothing ever occurred between me and my lover, is something I am seriously taking a seat to scope out even more.

As I sat down and ingested each and every feeling with my logical and sound mind, I could only think about a rekindled love. A love that was so deep within my soul it had melted my heart and soul into a muddled mess. A love that I would never speak into fruition, because I was afraid of it's existence, but yet it remained and continued to grow.

Days turned into nights and nights bloomed into endless weeks, and yet I remained fixated on you. If I could have that moment back, the one where we looked another in the eye and you spoke your absolute sound truth. Your birthday and your experience within aging and maturing more into an adulthood had you wanting to try with me. I was too caught into the tangle of the words to readily address the powerfulness of your plea, but I pardoned you with the erotic teachings of a uniformed soul, collecting it's lost lover and bringing them passionately back towards sanity and the reality of what they were and was becoming.

So as I introduced myself to the lessons life would put before me, the lessons of others love, and what exactly their love and the overall experience would hold for me, but in hindsight our love hindered me. I was never to be the same, because I would always expect the same. I lean into you as if I am once again connecting myself to a source of unlimited potential and power. I trust in you because you are what I believe to be true, and within my truth I have come to value you.

If what the text books quote as a love once lost, but yet returned back again would mean anything to me at this moment, I would surely grant it with acceptance.

Into the Void-

There are moments like these that require a lot more of my attention. Attention to detail and the design of my major scheme and its all-purpose meaning. What continues to have me spinning in sorts is my inability to separate need from wants, and learning when to take care of a need with no additional wants associated with it at all.

The Abandonment of engagement

I wish to attain nothing more then knowledge from each and every chance I have the opportunity to experience anything in regards to my romantic life. There has been doldrums and monotonous moments, but only in my acceptance of such moments. So in essence I have quieted my mind and allowed my fantasies of what is- to dictate my crossroad I have woven before myself.

How do I breathe?

People will always remain interested in others, once a spark has been created within their minds eye. The hardship with this spark created is when it’s not mutual, or it is limited. One would remain in a suspended state of the unknown. I on the other hand want to learn how to retain a mutual spark and continue to allow it to grow and never dull out at any moment. Should I isolate my mind and my heart it will long and linger feverishly? The flame that will arise and retain its form will be the spark that has cured the duality of the two-Need vs. Want

My stance would be…

Revealed to one, unknown to all and better experienced-

A collage of thoughts- My Now

Where Did I Go Wrong- and my Heart keeps spinning

The moment of impact…

A natural instinct would be to dig deeply within and look to lick all wounds exposed. The sore would be so deep, that it would become infectious and festering in a matter of seconds. Everything becomes elevated. Your loves lifeline depends on the antidote, which is right before you. You look deeply at the contents and know that choosing to ingest so would result in a quick healing, but yet you choose to wither away and lay your aching remains within your once sheltered heart.

I choose to feel this moment of discomfort.

I accept everything that comes with these hardships and emotions tied to it all.  My sense of knowing has afforded me the ability to pull back. I am not at war with love, I am one with love and any moment and time love can depart from us and literally have us in such a tailspin.

It’s when we seek solace and balance to bring about resolve. There is nothing like going forward with a life event and continuing to live it truly and thoroughly, but when you become disconnected even a shock to the system wont create a response, but cause a revolt.

I have departed and I am starting to look ahead. Not to join someone or a new community, but in essence to erase what was once. I can stand suspended in an animated state of contemplation, but yet nothing will come from this. How would I know, because I had already known, but I chose to rise to the occasion and make my best efforts at conforming to a life I rarely visited and experienced.

Cautious and contained would normally result in a wounded lovers shield, only reinforced by the belief that you will never allow yourself to get to that level of vulnerability again, but it’s never realistic or ideal to experience these after affects and feelings.

I have reaffirmed my place and station within these troubling life moments.

I am Happy-Although I am experiencing a stunted sadness of the deepest

Time within-

The fluctuations of the human psyche can seep so deeply within the depths of one’s heart, that you lose consciousness and are left blinded by the graying skies, but within the clouded path there is balance. Over the weekend I was able to spend some quality time with myself. Gathering the nerve to walk over the Manhattan Bridge and erase a fear of heights and being left in a suspended state. Everything came to my mind when I was entering the walkway of the Manhattan Bridge. My own personal health, my thoughts on life and how I was currently living it instantly flashed across my mind. To be in service to others is one way we can live and conduct our lives, but to willingly and at times blindly live your life in regards to the benefits, time limitations and life hiccups of another? How could I cope with this sense of selflessness and selfishness in connection with my outlook on the overall experience of my life? So many questions had come to mind, and I could blame this experience and fault this one, but everything centers back to ME. It takes quality time spent with myself that I unveil acceptance and peace. It feels good!