It took having a pretty hectic work day and sensing I needed
a time out stress reduction break with the benefits of easing my mind and
tension from the start of the day by simply focusing on my breathing and truly
centering myself, before I began to sort out just exactly how my day was going
to transition into later on in the afternoon. My mind can easily become cloudy
and my thoughts can lose attention truly when my mind begins to take a detour
and wonder about the ways of others and their involvement with and within my
life. At the end of the day I have choices and not just one choice, but several
decisions that I can make all based on what I am feeling, where I am headed and
what I would like to experience within my life, and at this point of realizing this
I simply let the moment go and found my focus once again.
I don’t dislike dating, I truly enjoy meeting someone of
interest and depth and going through the formal get to know you stages, but at
this very moment I realized that I am ok not dating or being entirely exclusive
to anyone. I am open to entertaining interests and I might actually fall in
genuine like with a possibility of a blooming love, but what stirs me and has
captivated my attention has been my own personal journey with learning what pull’s
me and gets me going. This getting to know me moments can’t be summarized into
my set experience, because there has been so many to speak about, but all in
all I have grown to come accustomed to falling in love with me.
I have grown to enjoy my company without fear of wondering
about learning to enjoy self-company or company with friends and family only
lose interest due to wondering if I could be doing a shared activity with my
lover better. I have adjusted to having dinner with a male of interest, but
without jumping the shared dinner enjoyment stage and planning our marriage to
be, or wondering about how my last name change would sound. I can easily enjoy
shared laughter, mutual flirting and a wave goodnight and a parting of ways
without wondering does he have to come by me, or I go by him and should we take
this route, or better yet if I take this route there is no obligations to the
moment, and does not at any point in time signify a relationship.
I am learning the art of taking everything in from sight,
sound and taste to even enjoying the listening pleasures of deep to shallow
conversations. I am not exclusive to any form of relating I am inclusive and it
feels so freeing to simply be without doubt, fear or the need to gain and get
simple life pleasures from accumulated expectations.
I can tie these feelings and wants into the live for the
moment theme and enjoy impermanence and the present state of mind and being
without past woes and future predictions, and so with that being said
contentment within my own company has come with no fear nor reckless
abandonment, but with a sense that everything will work wonderfully well as
long as I continue to experience life as if it was meant to be experienced and
that’s an everyday in the moment process we are gifted daily with.
So as I channel this energy and yet affirm a new reality
within my dating and relating schisms I am pleasantly surprised to have had,
held and written about this moment.
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