Within my battle I saw the Olive Branch: I do-

The bravery in love comes from it's deepest and darkened corner of life. What I am seeing within myself is a love that has no bounds, a love that is desired for and sought after it's most weakened state. The mind is in a state of suspended love when it's conflicted, and within it's animation its absolute resolve permeates in my soul.
Past patterns of dealing with discomfort within love was a simple testament as to how to go about the newly formed pang of the heart. However, my former lessons to heal didn't necessarily work for me. I was neither eager to seek the affection and attention of another lusting soul, nor was I entirely enticed to throw myself entirely into the game of love!
My healing came from expanding my mind and restoring my balance in a meditative state and through the movement and motion of yoga poses. Within my deepest stretch I realized my love was like no other for him. My love was simply in a bind that needed to unravel naturally, and with each one of us pulling the intertwined cords slowly but surely into a eased state. So we meet again...
Through the stages of apology and recounting the steps to a lovers imperfections I have come across the waxing and wane of a developing relationship in the stages of love.
It's never been easy to realize the work one must do daily when encountering the breakthrough of a rediscovered love with another, but knowing that it all has placement within my life's theme, and that this love is one for the books leads me not to stray.

Of all the times of having turned my back on relationships from the overall fear of being hurt first, I assumed my initial reaction would be so, and I did clam up immediately and want to absolutely dissolve anything that reminded me of the former love, but at this point I no longer want to dissolve a broken compromise in it's entirety. I simply allow it to well up to it's highest peak and slowly seep into a comforted state whereas clearer minds prevail. There is always a lesson in times of strife and discomfort, and well I am absolutely learning. Not to linger on hurt and harsh feelings, and to allow many forms of communication to become key and represent the state of my conversation.
I said thank you to the universe for the lessons, and I have arrived at the point of reminder that there is so much in life to be lived rather than to linger on the stings of love, and when I release the pangs of discomfort I too release the hold it has held over me.

I can not predict the future of this separation, but I can honestly say the love has neither left, nor has the emotional connective tie, but what has been granted to me is the ability to allow myself to have no regrets and to heal openly and honestly because love comes in so many waves and I am an open honest heart who loves deeply, and so I never fear the hearts war!

Lips licked: Babe

I want no held hands, no locked stares or connective caresses that beg for you to question me anymore. I don't want gentle kisses, I want my lips to be broken into, as your thieving tongue becomes the knife to my aching legs that slowly begin to part. I want you inside of me. I.WANT.YOU.INSIDE.OF.ME....I can't control the emotions that have left my thoughts and wavered all the way down the middle of my body as intense lust and deepened emotions drain even more to pool between my already dampened thighs...Laying my head all the way back and allowing you to center yourself in the midst and middle of me as we become a uniformed movement of ever so deepened thrusts.

He is more than extended months clipping a year. He has become a valued person within my life, which equals our shared time. The differences that have mounted next to us individually have not overwhelmed us, and for that I have become humble and super appreciative of you and me and our time together as we grow in strength in mind and a deepened lovers heart. My admiration for you continues to increase as we share our dreams in the whispers of our passionate nights.

I no longer say your given name because "babe" only rings to my mind when I see and speak of you and to you. I am so thankful and pleased to continue to share in your world, and as I recall a combination of our shared passionate nights I can't help but feel you deep inside of me....my heart is beating and my head is spinning. Rooms no longer serve their purposes within our homes because we grant them many other news names...

'

It has always been you: The Fact Is I Need You

The emotional ties that I have with you has reached it's the upper echelon of no turning back, and in knowing this aspect of the connective ties that we share; just yesterday everything was put in perspective for me. I take nothing for granted and even in the midst of lost translation as we communicate strifes and difficulties the reality of this situation has reaffirmed my admiration and continued love for you.

It's my yearning to perfect this newly shared experience on life, and love and everything in between. I have always held an interest in the mythical maintained relationship via main stream outlet examples; but yet I did not have the opportunity to truly grow in the midst of a marked and expected relationship. I continued to dream independently in hopes that one day I would meet my significant other and know exactly what to do when he arrived, but yet everything I am doing and saying has come with strife and at times not a sense of mass appeal, but misunderstanding and misrepresentation; and well that has dented my ego of knowing it all and knowing whats best for me and my relationship to be had.

The hardest thing ever to listen to in life is a conversation from a point of pained love, and when two people of strong belief sets and self interests to make their points valued and known it was even harder to see the dominos of love collapsing, but yet there was something to come from this pained place in life.

I learned love will never leave us, it can have us impaled or in a stunted state of hurt and disbelief, but it is not within our best intentions to hurt one another, but yet to understand one another and in the midst of tangled emotions the lines of communications can become frayed, and so, time and space and a distant heart can be healed by simply declining to further promote the damage, but realize that we all make mistakes and our love and connective bond is deeper then the misunderstanding and that we matter the most on this uncharted life of love and gratitude that we are living within.

  If it is all within a name, then your name resounded deeply within me and continues to leave an imprint on me. My love for you continues to grow Tobias and it will never falter, my hopes and dreams are inclusive of you and with you and to continue to experience this world we are sharing and developing in unison, and so I say Thank You.

It's YOU!

I still haven't given up on dating and relating and ideally finding the life match for me. I have come across a few that have left impressions on my heart to having someone who dipped briefly into my heart, but yet he was too shallow and weak for my love. It has literally become it's not me it's a you type situation, and oddly the annoyance bells aren't ringing in my ears just yet. I had my misty eyed moment, a big glass of merlot and a music rotation that will master all emotions that are in question...and I have come out OK and stronger than before and realizing that I am everything that I would want and need and that I am enough and in no need for anyones addition into my life if they are coming with dead weight and toxicity.

We are not alive to be annoyed, bickering or belittling one another because we are inept and inebriated at the moment. The reality of this situation is when you trust your emotional curves, and you allow all logic to hit the road and your feet become wet by the road to passion clothed as love everything hits the wall; and so when it's suddenly all over and the rug that was ripped from beneath my solid footing has whisked me into the air in a suspended animation, I have major life choices to make. Either I can come crashing down on the cemented pavement and break everything within my body and continued having my heart shattered, or I can prepare for the impact, shield my heart and body from the impact, collapse into a roll for my landing and get back up and resume life and normalcy as I dust everything that I had previously experienced off and breathe in a hefty breath of knowingness that everything will be ok. I choose the impacted fall with the planned roll and dust off!

I asked myself why did he come into my life? He appeared to be someone I assumed could grow to become that someONE for me; however, he has literally disappointed me and yet I continued to want to be understanding and learn to deal with yet another undeveloped and jaded heart and soul, but this time I am checking within myself and asking what is the lesson here in this experience? I have yet to discover the answer, so Im letting it GO...

I am taking my time yet again, but I am not allowing these attempts at the heart to disappoint me. I have realized that I am actually ready to continue to push myself and my adventure seeing moments forward, rather than hibernate in a state of suspended assumed loving animation.

I however will not stop giving the most and continue to hold no expectations, because I AM!

I welcome his loving embrace. I welcome his unconditioned love. I dare give my day and nights to him. The love created liberated me. The love resolved within my heart has settled deeply into my soul, affording me comfort in my new role within our lives. I have adjusted to the sways of a best friend, a lover, a caretaker and home maker in preparation of furtherance of us. I delved into the recess of my heart and invoked forgiven passion befallen on me. I no longer looked at my past as betrayal ridden and stolen moments of misrepresented passion.

There was always hope. My now was never a figment of my imagination. I have triumphed over dreams that made no sense to me until now. I am stepping forward and daring to dream. I believe that our connection and roles in one another lives was meant to be, and so I am being. I am existing. We are living and cultivating our distinct lives in unison. We no longer fear or doubt others, we embrace our roles and willingly walk towards our destinations arms extended, hands clasped and with love.

I thank you.

For my now has never felt so amazing and so real and right on time as it does now. My now has opened before me and has centered me and I am so ready to receive it. There is nothing that love hasn't healed within me. I walk with my eyes closed knowing that I am guided to everything I need and am needed for.

My soul has centered and found my twin flame. The lover that has centered me, guided me to visualize my feminine beauty and aspects on renewing and creating life. My lover has invoked the marital spirit within me; the spirit that journeys with her husband through his trials and tribulations, encourages his success and hugs him within defeat. My lover has enclosed me in a protective embrace, calming any fears and unwelcome ones into our lovers bubble. My lover has saved me and renewed my faith in the human spirit and connection of this thing called life.

I thank you.

Carnal Instincts: The Passion within exists

I have collapsed into the natural rhythm of answering a want, need and desire. Come to find out, this want, need and desire is a packaged deal. This want, need and desire have occupied my days and night’s, and this want, need and desire is not a representative at all. This want need and desires are the REAL deal; which has created a duality of emotions and thoughts to start running into one another becoming unnerving and exiting at the same time.

My objective as always is to put my needs first and to take in consideration nothing outside of self when it comes to the physical craving of my carnal instincts, but when my mind is seduced to the point of no comparison and return!

Oh Boy!!

Well I am giving into the mind seduction, which is creating a tidal wave of emotional openness and being receptive to new happenings…and I’m readily writing about this occurrence, which is literally in the melting pot of my current life status and situation. My thoughts have cooled and calmed and are entirely rational in regards to the belief set of the universal pull and the belief of kismet.

I breathe in a breath of awareness and within being aware I have grown fonder of the chemical conception of a winter’s fresh start pressing on the eve and day of a new year.

How cool is “He” V.E.R.Y

It was ALL a Dream : Fade To Black

I clasped the phone a little tighter. I allowed the conversation to linger just a little longer. I was seething with a rhythmic passion, as I imagined you beside me as you dipped your head a little closer. I closed my eyes and leaned into you a little more wanting your lip moisture more than ever, as the conversation continued my face began to become flush, my breathing was sensually labored and my legs began to outstretch and beg to be touched, centered and spread widely apart. I was aching for your touch as I cradled the phone to my ear a little tighter my fantasy was beginning to take flight until his tone stunted my world.

The more he spoke directly into the phone the more my passion bubble popped. I started seeing him in another light, and well understanding and adhering to an individuals daily planning can tame heightened passions just so far, and well my passion meter was writhing with doubt and defeat.

It was like cold water showered evenly on my head. I wasn’t entirely prepared, but then I began expecting the conditions that would come from steaming hot to artic blasted cold. I turned within myself and soothed the defeated lover’s heart. I would not take on the responsibility of feeling like I lost on a sensual moment, I was well prepared and in actuality the ball was no longer in my court. I had made my moves well in advance like a skilled solider ready for battle, but this battle ended before it even started.

The in and out of his fading voice was becoming entirely distant and unrecognizable. An exchange of evening pleasantries completed the distanced good night and good bye. The cool night’s air filtered into the room; I fully rested my body on the bed and stared aimlessly at the ceiling.

Fade to Black-