Everyone needs that's moment: The Great Love Escape....

Our time was to be experienced in passing only, although it appeared as if we were destined to be together. Truth be told, I didn’t feel the connective spiritual piece of kismet, but I did feel the life support received at your placement within my life.

It appeared that you were there to catch my heart from its fall. You came into my life at a time when I needed everything but him, and I received greedily everything you provided for me. Within that time nothing else mattered and your transition into my life was easily accepted, as was my former lovers exit.

The chemistry was there, the moments began to matter and I readily accepted that there would be more to come. The days that would turn into shared nights, to weekend events and activities to the art of dating and occupying one another’s space. In a span of a weekend I felt like forever was arriving, and I was ready to receive it, but then the reality of being blinded by passion and so starved for love and attention and affection that your life experiences and truth became secondary and not a primary reflection.

 A secondary truth afforded me the opportunity to make a decision about you, and me and within my moments of deciding I knew that we would never be forever, and that my moment of need was simply a moment of need and a time lapse within my life that I would soon get over. Your truth was you have an existing relationship, but you choose to live the life of a bachelor, you have a family, but they are neither within your visual frame to interfere with your daily. You appear to be sweet, charming and a true gentleman but yet your game and timing wears truly thin. I can not escape any of the blame in my choosing to entertain this relationship and life lapse, but yet it was meant to teach me another life lesson about missing and longing and the true basis for a love like none other and best understood when mutually and openly shared.

As I exit this summer romance I exit with a clean heart and a heart knowing that in my time of need I reached out and jumped entirely into a pan of love flames and fire, but yet I was able to untangle my mind, heart and soul from the realities of this potential relationships ending…

I am an absolute stout lover

My love will wax and wanes like the moon

 But my heart will never turn favor from it’s truest and deepest feelings

Got A Secret Can You Keep It: Summer Amor

The Universal pull to have everything within your grasp has never been so proven true to me until my recent life happenings, and yet I remain truly graced and thankful and honored for the ability to have life happen to me and for me. It’s as if all my wishes and thought to dreams have all come absolutely true when I trust in the universal pull of life happenings.

A blast from the past afforded me a memory to recollect a time in my life where I was just learning the essence of being an adult, and learning adult relationships and guiding my passions in life as to where they wanted to be, and so the opportunity presented itself and I simply allowed life to happen. This guaranteed nothing, but it expressed everything. I absolutely went with what I was feeling. Emotionally sound for absolutely anything!

I listened.

I reasoned.

I acknowledged.

I validated.

No longer was my past a memory, but it was right before me, and I did not allow my feelings to best me, but I allowed my feelings to grant me the present moment. As I listened to his sorrows I listened to the modern issues of the dating life of a toxic love, a love that was not built to last, but it was maintained for pure selfish survival tactics. I felt empathy towards his heart and began to remember the times when I was primary in his life, but then I allowed that memory to simply fade away.

All carnal instincts seeped in. I became the woman who was sent to devour his unkempt passions and rugged emotions. I was a rogue soul in need of taming, but yet I neither gave my entire self away, just a piece of me as a healing force and reminder to him what a woman’s desires would do.

I don’t know where this is headed, and I want to start to daydream about the what, when and why and where do we go, but deep down inside I know I can’t even taint with the universal fate of a life experience, which may fade into a dream.

I devoured.

Entranced in Passions.

Held and consoled.

Piece of me.

A Bump In The Road has revealed my love style and passions for you.

A bump in the road is like a imploding groceries basket...my eggs cracked on the floor, the oranges went rolling down the aisle and the gallon of milk kindly slide down my leg and pinched my pinky toe, but miraculously it did not burst open. Am I thankful for the accident, or simply in wonderment of where the hell did my luck go?

a SIMPLE mistake could be a costly blow to an emergence of a love like never before.  A reminder that we are no longer just dating ourselves, but we include the wholeness of our partner, and in this inclusion we are bringing along personal passions, personal thoughts and ideas on how their love style is to match, perhaps vibe and at times overwhelm our very own concept of a dual role within passion.

Sometimes I can be selfish, and at other times I can simply want to just please you...but there is nothing like satisfying your very own inner cravings at meeting your most desired passions, or harboring a secret of your lover, in memory of your lover from your lover...not out of spite or to blackmail them or perhaps display the memory of them to everyone, but to put a time capsule on a moment in your shared time that they were vulnerable to you. A moment where they meant everything to you.

In your stillness I captured your peace and calm. Your love spread amongst your body from head to toe, as if it were your angelical wings. As your breath labored a rhythmic breeze of a distinct in and out, I was lost in your closed eyes. Once they opened I would no longer be able to look away from you, because once I look at you I never want to turn away.

I capture your pictures because out of everyone I have ever loved I was never able to get a clear cut memory of experiencing a life moment with them. It seemed as if my relationship with whomever I held a distinct interest with wasn't something I wanted to capture naturally until now.

Let me count the ways...

It's within your exit that has afforded me the ability to reclaim my L.O.V.E

A lover once presented himself to me, and in his presentation he unfolded in so many which of ways that I no longer could tell where he started and where he ended. And so, as my lover transformed before me and his body movements I could no longer mimic, love style and even love language changed up continually, and yet here I remained consistently confused with my impressions received and regenerated from my limited interactions with him and called this love. Deciding to continue to make my most attempts at deciphering his unique love code I no longer felt my feet on the ground, but my body becoming elevated straight on up in the air, as if my decent upward was a shot straight from the arrows of Cupid. These emotions where chemically induced toxicity, which invaded my entire senses and corrupted everything within me. A few days of interest turned into weeks of unrequited passion to months of burgeoning love to the cold hard fast spilt of a passing year gone bad.

This moment in my lifetime afforded me the ability to feel distinctly the discomfort of what could have been a joined union to forget. I struggled and then suffered and then reclaimed my emotional balance. There was a time when I thought I could easily exist within the walls of an unknown relationship, whereas I would go about my regular life routine and social living and happenings without you, but eventually find some time within the thick of the night to lay with you. No recollection of the day past or the day presenting us. No kissing, no unrestrained touches or uncalculated moments that could possibly claim us. The gentle ease of comfort would never be a welcomed emotion, because it was always foreign and loving him was never with ease.

So as our year came to a close, prior to the 365^th day we officially ended and in the depths of the spiral that made it’s most attempts at formulating a love depression, I exited a cracking shell and within my emergence my heart continued to beat a rhythmic beat of a story of love that captivated me, and although I was exiting this relationship unchallenged or claimed by any love affects felt from my former flame; I was neither discouraged or disappointed. In fact, I felt loved even more. Realizing that he could neither give me the love I truly desired, because I didn’t even understand what this love resembled, had allowed me to search for it in our departure, and as I searched for it I received it, and in receiving it I saw that a deeply seated love within would always outweigh the love we seek endlessly from our significant others. I no longer would be a gleam of interest in someone else’s eyes, but I would be beam of light that permeated love from within.

It was as if the last days of my relationship was an exit interview, and upon my exit I answered several questions that allowed me to set the tone for my present relationship experience. The love received mirrors the deepened love within myself. As I bond closely to my lover, I realized that everyone else that was vying for my attention never matched my love style, and for this I am proud of  my developing love style, and the man that has captured my heart.

Presently my love style is matched. My kisses are met and clasped between his awaiting lips. His body rests and is relaxed comfortably next to me. We awake and kiss our gratitude for our mutual existence and shared love. We are thankful for yesterday, but reside in the present moment before us. We don’t seek attention, but validate one another as only a lover could. When we part ways to attend to our individual life occurrences we secretly sob in unison of our missed connection, although it’s not broken it fades lightly in distance, but when we become connected once again it’s like a babies first breath.

This recollection of my present reminds me of everything that had existed before, and everything that I had let fade away.

I thank you for your exit, my EX.

The Passionate Exchange: SelfLess Love

There is beauty within claiming your wildest life passion. There is also beauty in reclaiming the love you feel during spontaneous moments, it’s worth claiming! When you are literally drunk on the passion of natural affinity towards your lover it's an assortment of a dreamy hue of vast colors that all form a distinct blend of your connective bond. A bond that can be seen only by you, because of this artistic imprint everything that you experience is unique only to you. The feeling that the passion and love that is created no longer awaits that idolized one, but can be experienced within each newly assigned embrace.

I am in no need of local anesthetics...

There was a time when I was literally drawn to the notion that there will be one defining passionate experience that will literally move you, and you would simply know that you are destined to be with that person who struck that chord within you...but what I am finding out now is that each person that has represented a significant piece within my world has played a position of passion, power, romance and has allowed me to deepen my love experience and develop my beating heart.  

I can no longer be in a sustainable sadness in regards to missed out on love adventures, or non-reciprocated attention and affections, but my at once idolized lover. It’s neither magic nor kismet that can sustain you; you give yourself the ability to remain afloat and destined to experience love and its many avenues and pursuits however it may come across to you in life. I can only allow myself the designated grievance time to separate myself from a temporary moment that occurred within my life, and to acknowledge my emotional being in not disappointment, but in honor. I was brave enough to openly love. Brave enough to allow myself to blossom before my lover’s eyes and wave my passionate flag of desire in uncharted waters.

I can extend the Olive Branch in ease…

It has taken me time to figure out that romantic interludes occur, and they can become routine and even expected (season and time frame wise), however, as readily as they entered my life and shared my world they have easily transitioned outside of my life and not entirely left my world, but no longer was a prominent figure within my experience, so they have filtered literally into a quiet abyss… and that’s ok, I am acceptant of it.  

As I ushered in my 34th birthday, I also ushered in the reality of an unexpected pleasure. To be captivated and enthralled by someone who literally has swept me off my feet, allowed me to feel the comfort, ease and also the building of a shared interest, an open and undeniable love and a bond that seems to not be easily broken. Yes, we have a lovers quo and we have a sense of self and can identify our shared interest and feelings, however, I am have given myself permission to delve deeper in the waters and spring forward in a way that not only allows me personal comfort and ease, but it allows me the ability to experience the relationship at its highest peaks and transition right along without getting myself too wrapped up into emotions that ebb and flow.

I saw Sparks…

Love is an Industry...

There was this love that simply would not leave me, it was if everything around me would implode if I left love alone, but yet I feared giving myself entirely to love. This love never truly showed me what it was made of. This love limited me to my original idea of love, the love that happened to show me alongside with guide me to researching all my ideas towards love. I never realized how important it was to truly have the love you have always wanted and desired to be given openly, honestly and with ease.

Currently, I have given myself to love and in gifting myself with the idea of love it has become lost to me. Forever an impression on my heart and soul looking to be devoured, there is no one who will understand my battle with love that has left me clearly jaded and my heart hardening, but then comes that moment when the ability to think about love and all the good aspects of love has continuously moved me allows me to have hope in the after effects of compromised situations.

I will figure you out. I was blocked so deeply for a months time. My inability to write was affected due to my ability to want more from my lover. I wanted what he could not offer and allowed myself to simply exist in the grayness, neither black nor white but the simple grayness of a world I was attempting to claim and get back to.

I believe I have finally allowed myself to realize that there is an art to love, when in love and when being in love. I will allow myself to envision the journey as something so complete and something so true that the fear and doubt and the mixed emotions and experiences will never hurt me.

Sometimes I regarded the lack of interest as a fault of mine because I feared that I simply did not add up to what my perspective other was looking for, but then I realized that I am everything I ever wanted and needed and that no matter what the case I would always prevail. My love for myself as mastered and bested even the worse of times, and although love has become evasive and is making its most attempts at leading me through another sliding door, yet again I welcome you.

So  with everything being said I am daring and challenging myself to give more love and with no conditions!

The Unthinkable: I'm losing Myself...

There are some who will fiend interest or perhaps display genuine interest towards me in their most altruistic displays of wanting to know me further, but yet physically they don’t appeal to me, mentally they can’t even challenge me or give me the satisfaction of well prepared conversation. Spiritually I am at lost, for my soul doesn’t connect to them at all, but with you…I am settled and feel centered enough to find comfort in knowing this because it’s you.

I fancy a new interest, extend myself emotionally in hopes that physically and spiritually there will be a connection, but yet nothing lasts longer then two weeks of intense conversation, but then like everything else my carnal constant craving finds it way back to you. There is nothing that doesn’t center without any given reason and thought around you.

I ask myself…in love there is doubt and grounds for mistake? Why am I graced again with the burden of a troubled heart, indeed I love the build up and the sweet moments in between when everything is flowing freely and with ease, but within every other given moment and life doubt being faced I am exposed. Why can’t this perfect life transition be as freeing as I anticipated?

Yet again, I am left to doubt and question what appears to be another dreaded love affair. I dread because I predict and allow my mind to capture moments in passing and project them to higher magnitudes. Let’s just say an active imagination is as explosive as a sleeping volcano, and with this being said my mind is erupting silently and awaiting the big one…and with these thoughts being pulled fourth I’m about to explode and no longer am I in control of my far too long suppressed emotions.

The reality of the matter is not only do I give you power over me, but I credit you with making me feel all types of emotions and in reality you don’t deserve the credit for my suffering, you deserve the credit for allowing me to develop these feelings immediately, however, I transferred them into a story I had created in my mind about you, a story my mind orchestrated on the belief that you are perfect in all aspects of your life and we would mutually balance one another, but within my perfecting your image I allowed my very own image of myself to falter and every chance I allowed myself to build up my image I tore it down in belief that I would never be enough for you, due to your limited engagement and commitment to me. I created this idea around me being the factoring problem, but yet I was enough I just simply chose to forget my commitments to myself and in knowing this as I interact with others in my whole attempts at redemption and getting that longed for love outside of self and experienced with a partner, I cringe.

The point of it all, I love you.