Friday, December 7, 2018

The maintenance of self and the restraint within the levels of love.

His smile is engaging and his personality and instant aura compels me to deepen the conversation wanting to hear just a little more from him. Instantly attracted to him my smile deepens with just knowing this intricate detail that I will hold only to myself. I will not reveal to him my level of interest, because I am not entirely sure where this relationship will be heading, but what I do know is that at this very moment in time I am allowing myself to experience the instant lusty rush of interest that's being entertained with the potential and possibility of the what if's scenarios that's ringing all throughout my head. I allow myself to bask in the interest and overt physical attraction addressing each individual need, passion and desire I want of him...


I'm laughing to myself as I write this. The fear of going over the edge with interest never came over me, prior behaviors, reactions and responses to stimulations of such didn't even phase me. I actually opened my eyes to acknowledging the want, need and desire and letting it flow freely away from me as soon as it arrived. The lesson I am teaching myself is a lesson of learning to dig deeper within for my inner will and strength and also to not make any assumptions on people.


Where's the integrity in self denial?


Well I can go on past experience and say that I have been afforded relationships that have failed me when I initially reached for them and sought them out without a direction I was left suffocating. SO now I am learning to absolutely love and live in kindness and with compassion and to simply meet a person where they are in their lives and make no expectations of them and our relationship. I am not contouring the experience or denying the passion, but I am not making long term goals on a short term love level or night for that matter.


So as to say this...He holds my interest but not entirely. He has reminded me of the familiarity of laughter and shared companionship that can be experienced between males and females without being exclusively confined to a hotel room. He has allowed me to see him for what he is as a male whose single with a situational love life that's more or less settled on me. For what I am looking to attract and want to align in my life I am deserving of full time passionate affair of the heart. I desire coffee dates, appetizers and wine talk sessions, I desire more than a general text message and limited calls here and there. I no longer will request or seek your response because you simply aren't a priority for me and I must place myself and interests back into higher standing once again.


So I am saying to myself and you (YES YOU) you are serving a short term purpose without long term fulfillment. I can know honor the most truest statement within.


I say Thank You Universe. I say Thank You please continue to guide me and work through my most loved and lovers ways.

Speak to me...

Listening to your stories of frustration or you making your best attempts at correcting past and present behaviors, or even rewriting your r...