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Showing posts from November, 2011

The walls up high.

There is a barrier that surrounds me. It's impenetrable, its impossible to bypass. It remain illusive to all, but once tapped into it becomes the pink elephant in a white walled washed room. Me shallow? Me timid? Two distincts but ever so distant descriptions of me. You wonder why I am the way I am? You wonder why I love so openly, but close down my heart and all feelings and emotions associated with my heart so tightly? Will you ever know why I hurt so? Will I even allow you a chance to get to know me truly, madly and deeply? I counter a question with another question. I dodge maybe with perhaps so. I run away from prominent and potential to fall hopelessly and madly in love with no care or concern. I cheat with broken hearted and stay in bed with disillusioned........Our connection is strong. Our love is there, but am I there? A lapse in time and any given space will not be enough....nothing is never enough as it seems. I feel drowned. I feel.as of I'm falling into that hexe…

I hope you read this......

You will never know what moved me. You will never know what inspired me. You will always assume so much about me, my life, my inconsistent world. You will always wonder what part or role you played in my life.......I will never aspire to answer to you no longer. My creativity and ability to intermix a story or  a scence, a passionate exchange and experience be it yesterday or yesteryear....has afforded me the opportunity to turn life memories into untimely, uncharted and unorganized memoirs. Throwing a written declaration back at me was the lowest of all lows. You stalk my writings as if they were uniquely written for you. Rather than speaking to me and expressing your interest in what I wrote, you attempted to use it against me. The relationship I once assumed could be solid, but had kinks in it, but eventually it would run its course and work out ....no longer appears as so. I look at you with a blank face. It's like going behind someone's back and using information against …

In the mean time

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I'm waiting on my friend to arrive for our lunch meet up. The rain and cold air brings into mind all the momentus happenings in my life, and for that I must say Thank You.
Thank You for the patience and kindness.
Thank you for your understanding and guidiance with me and for me. Thank you for the ability to be humble. Seek solace in humility, honesty in my discomfort and trusting of my ability to transcend my biggest fears. Life is meant to research and explore, experience and face.
I am happier being still and awaiting centered guidiance. No choice is the perfect and at times best choice, but its a learning experience meant to be explored and expressed.
I am thankful for the ability to be in the moment. Lover of life and that which is explored!
Thank You!

Mastering the human emotions

Forced to transition and change with the times! That is exactly what I am facing and experiencing. I can no longer just be or go through life just making it, I can not even hold my head high enough to float above the shallow waters that continually drown me. I must look beyond the horizons and embedded skyline. I must see further then before. I am now in a situation where I hope to dream small and live bigger. Rather than dream large and maintain the small. The middle space is no longer comfortable or spacious to me anymore. I need to change. Having never felt this pressure to transition and change in such a short condensed time, but an experience that will wash over all of my life time has hit me now. I was fighting it and making my most attempts to ignore it, but it has led me astray and backwards. I feel as if I made my spontaneous life leaps to only be pushed down into the sand. This sand is neither light or welcoming and appears eager to encase me.....So I am running away from li…