Believe in ME as I believe in YOU!

Another test in the ever pressing and constantly flowing changes in life. So I recently learned that when my fight or flight instincts kick in I can go one or two ways. Choosing the first initial way would occur something like this: I would decided to become upset, think irrationally and turn down all MacGuyver like ways to resolve the issue at hand. I would simply throw in the towel and look no further. My hopes and dreams and all prized possessions claimed up until now will simply dissolve and fade away into the back. The back of my mind would hold so much luggage of unused ideas, great escape attempts and also redeeming factors. A once firm believer in seeing something through regardless of whatever presenting factors occur, I would simply fade to black.

This quality and also first option is something I have grown accustomed to. I have grown to like disappointment and frustrations, and also, working with my back against the wall. I have learned to enjoy the bitter sweet response of unachieved goals, lost virtues, and aspirations sorely achieved and easily forgotten.

So enter option number two, and the response that would follow. I can observe and access the situation at hand. I can start to think about how I am following up and following through with the decisions and choices I am to make. I can listen to whatever is being said, regardless of if it's in loud or small tones. I can easily calm a situation at hand, and find resolve with options. Options are life's escape ladders, invented to sustain balance, and instill height throughout deception, truth's and general life handle.

So as learned, and comforting as option number one has and would have become, I decided that I have this inner being that is not easily going to give in and give up. The one that continues to fight the good fight and remain strong and willing at all times. So I muster up strength and beckon to my inner all to come out come out where ever she ARE! Not only am I impressed by my personal resolve, but I have encouraged and acquired a new skill set and further mastered an effective art of communication 101!

So sashaying my way into a more responsible, honest and upfront close and personal position; I was able to address my most inner needs and wants and not collectively give in and up to disappointment, and Plan A option only. I saw a Plan B and Plan C, and I liked all variables! I came out of this situation with not only my head held high, but a respect for myself I totally had eclipsed. I learned that I have the power to sway, persuade, encourage, endorse and self and shamelessly promote myself. I have found many avenues and ventured into this arena on eggshells, however, I have not entirely gathered the needed and necessary strength to follow through until now. Having embraced my inner Wonder Woman, I am left giddy in the eyes of this full and bright world to and for me to take over!

Lesson Seventy Two: Believe in ME, as I believe in YOU.
Toot your own horn. Shamelessly and selflessly promote yourself. Everything you hope to aspire towards and achieve take it all. Love unconditionally, and challenge life at times. Venture out and make amends with others. Believe in yourself. Value yourself. Take care and rekindle that relationship with you that has left you dreary. envision hope and love and respect. Envision power. There is an untapped essence floating upward in the stream of life. Take heed and flow.

For better or for worst?

So it is what it is appears to be the modern lingo for current happenings, broken happenings and past happenings in regards to what the hell is going on with my romantic world. It’s like I am in a crystal clear bubble, and I am looking out at each and every option I can possibly have and experience, however, nothing, no one, not even half of someone is catching my eyes of interest. Sometimes I wonder, and go right back to the ever pressing question “Is it me”. I would love to look each present and past lover in the face and just ask “What is it?” It appears that I continue to get swept up into the initial hype, but like a parade; it’s experienced, shouted out through and through and then over before you know it. Who’s cleaning up my progressed feelings and heart afterwards? Who is guiding me through these bumps in the road? As I look to my left and right, I see no one. All I can think about is where have all the cowboys gone! The Paul Cole songs blare in my mind and I start kicking to the beat. I then begin feeling as if I am in a self constructed mosh pit, and as I reach forward and press myself out I just can’t let go. Each time I blog and write I am letting through heartfelt emotions. I am letting go of moments that I have experienced, but am wishing to close off to the past. …..

But then he returns to my mind. He takes over every thought and current need I have desired for. He actually appeals to me more than ever before, because I am choosing to banish him away from me. I am pushing him further and further away in my physical sight; however, mentally he saturates and stains my mind. I close my eyes to dream of him, I open my eyes and I visually am fixated on my return back into my dream, which of course features him. The more I pull away, the more I want him closer to me. The feelings of something tearing and being pulled away from me overwhelms me. Once I start to detach myself from the thought of no longer feelings and caring and wanting to be with him, my anxiety immediately increases, I then begin to think of life outside of him. Has it come to this? This being all consumed by my passion for him?

So my weekend started out supposedly busy. I was to focus on the needs and issues at hand, and have no time for side thoughts or fantasy driven conversations. I was to spend quality time with my lovely niece, why my sister went away on a passion driven Virginia road trip from New York City. So Friday night started off the anti emotional and no concentration weekend. The focus and mindset lasted for approximately a few seconds. As I left Brooklyn and headed uptown on the C local MTA train, I noticed couples chatting together in the cosy cool train cars. I caught glimpses of old couples, in the middle couples, fresh and new faced couples and I began to think “Where the fuck are you?” My heart began skipping several beats due to becoming angry all over again, and also, the stirring of my mind whenever I thought and think of and about you.
It is another sad love song of a tortured soul and mind and forever broken heart, but the loud noise of a beating heart continues to prevail above all.

Lesson Seventy-One:
I refuse to let you go. I refuse to deny my emotional feelings and I damn sure refuse to continue to be sadden, overcome and overwhelmed about your passing in my life. I am forever in life’s debt for the unique experience of meeting a lover. A lover that has entered my life featuring a lesson I needed to learn. As stubborn and hard pressed as I am to let things easily go, I am aware of the greatness of each and every experience. Allow yourself to feel, breath and experience, but in time life will bring the closure, fresh start and cleansed pathway needed. I am forever in thought, and in life school.

The build up!

As I exit from my work day, I think about the week that just past. The work week had the makings of a short worked week. I was thinking about how I will be prepping to leave for Barbados soon, and also, my impending 30th birthday and birthdate is steadily approaching. My happiness and contentment has been recieved and reached by me. Slowly, but surely improving my mindset and becoming emotionally grounded and open to new ventures and viewpoints in regards to life; I can only say thank you for the second wind.

So entering this new phase and moment in my lifetime; I can only sense "The build up". To what is developing and happening, I have no idea, but to where life appears to be streaming and going, the steady satisfaction and comfort in knowing my ability to work through my personal crisis, issues and problems. My ability to emotionally detach myself at a given time from some experiences and look at life realistically and at times logically. Being selfless and selfish are key factors for me in my life. Realistically thinking, while day dreaming and fantasy playing. Making amends for all the stressors and strife life presents us, and what we present and bring to life.

So I am sensing and seeing the dating field as a build up. If I could place all the males I have dated within the past ten years of my adult life, I could probably come up with maybe two or three that suited me so, but there just was that certain something about them that did not hold me enough to allow me to remain with them, or perhaps our relationship did not mature in a manner that allowed us to further our experiences together. So with that being said I have decided to enjoy the art of dating. Dating is no longer a hinderance, but a recent interest that needs to be experienced and explored. Although it is appearing that a lot of males are thinking in the same mind set "See a woman, sleep with a woman, and on to the next woman", this game has grown tiresome and at times left me not wanting to entetainin any dates. I held all males responsible for the nature of their sexually oriented thoughts only, and I simply accepted the fact of being single and casually dating with no emotional ties and connections. Well as I have grown, I have come to see that not one, but two can direct traffic in the realm of dating and relating. So I am no long a pedestrian crossing dangered streets, but a thinking, feeling and passionate vehicle in motion. Ever going further with my observations, I thought about all the times when I was in a meet, greet and sleep and on to the next mode. I thought about the people whom have grown to care and develop love oriented feelings for me. I thought about all the good times I have experienced, and the people I have experienced them with. So at times I was that person who loved them and left them. I was the person who played with someones heart strings, and painful detached myself from their connections to me, I was someone who only thought entirely of myself and my situation, and never about the effects of my actions on my choosen lover.

So looking from the outside, and returning back into a self reflective state; I am coming to terms with my past and present and history and my patterns. I am coming to terms with my roles in other peoples lives, and also, my expectations and wants from others, but shortage in securing them in unison. I am not retracting any life experience, or deeming everything a disaster and learning from scratch again and turning a new page or as society say "a leaf" over. I am embracing my life, and the choices I have decided to make. I am taking my time and reviewing everything with a watchful eye, and open mind. I know what I want and desire and am accepting and receieving in my life. I have decided to embrace the experiences, but not forget them. As I move forwards I am appreciative of my past, and positioning myself to continue to enjoy life, and live vicariously through experience. It's a great teacher, and wonderous friend to life.

Lesson Seventy: The old was never in, the now is ever present!

I am reaching forward and focusing more than ever before. Making my life choices and decisions possible. Looking forward to whatever the future holds, and whatever is in store for me. Never letting an experience destroy you, but building on from each and everyone. Be it good or bad, each experience has brought us somewhere in life, and has taught us something about ourseleves which continues to transition us even more into our future. I am fortunate for the down times and blessed for the happier times. As always looking for a balance.......the build up.

Monogomy over monotony?

This weekend I really had time to embrace myself and most intimate thoughts. What brought on these thoughts and more? Well I could actually specify one occurrence that opened up the flood gates of emotionally heart felt and not one lick of draining moments for me during my weekend.

So as Friday entered so did my long work week and all the feelings associated with not wanting to think about work, a work issue, a co worker, a client or impending Monday's reports due. All I wanted to do was be embraced. I really didn't have a set person(s) to be embraced by, however, all I wanted for was an experience outside of my recent Friday's. So I kicked back, hung out with my close friends, laughing and enjoying some decadent drinks, ambiance of the location we selected for the evening.

So as the enjoyment came through, I started to release the assumed pain. I started to think about the one who has continued to occupy my thought and heart. I really had this impression that he who captivated me, held me the majority and all of the time, well I am finding this statement to not be true. In fact I have found a solution that is appropriate to me, and my current situation. My situational heart, and the love that I apply to the ones I become interested in more than a platonic way.

So reaching forward I am seeing myself more and more. I am giving myself (love, body, mind and time and heart) to people who are emotionally unavailable. People who can not commit to me at any given time. People who are only temporally invested in me. I can give them the world in a span of a couple of hours, but to ask them to return the favor, I am left hovering over the Earth. So with numerous realizations, and truths of the many matters that have been brought to my attention a discovery occurred. Love is not limited to one. How this occurred to me was during my massive texting which I will admit I was slightly twisted (drank the best of the best of the best) but I continued to express myself and clear my mind. I continued to state why you can't and couldn't be with me, and why you didn't want me? I went there. I questioned myself and questioned him. I even ran the idea of having this text conversation and just simply telling everything I needed to relate and say to this guy, but it ended on another note. I am releasing and relinquishing all of my feelings and emotions to someone who cant receive them and send back. I am impressing myself on someone who might acknowledge my affections and feelings entirely different, and for that I am aware and understand. I am forgiving of myself, because now I know that love can be lived, centered and accepted, but soon released. Especially if its the love the is in passing, and I am OK to have fallen in loved with you, but I continue to release you with no understanding and acceptance as to why I can not let you go, but now I am aware and know that our love was experienced and expressed and it passed on, so I am free to love and learn and express and experience again, with no fault or problems in my findings.

SO enters more probabilities and options. The association of intimate, sexual acts with loving, made to love orders of a budding relationship; is there or will there ever be a possibility? So as I am releasing my emotional ties and looking at life from different perspectives, I am also thinking about the sexual acts themselves and the investments of my time concerning them. Does each act remain the all end all for everything felt and experienced? Does one act stand out over the others? Can just one act satisfy me? All good questions to be thought over and delved into further, however, I am seeing my answers as I live them out and write of them. A lover may be received, but our motivations and intent must be thought out prior to the act or attempting an act itself. We can want, need, feel for and vibe with another, but in the end each relationship has it's weight in your life. On the importance scale of living we have to see which one works out best, and is a better situation for ourselves. Sanity and clarity are prominent figures that's needed in my life, and in order to make a good transition to the betterment of self and the experience, we must remain entirely open and honest with ourselves.

So each experience represent a time in my life. Each person brings forth feelings and needed moments that are occurring in our lives. No one at the moment is fitting the entire description, so until then I will treat each lover as a whole. I will take from each moment and experience what needs to be received and that is all. Not adding fuel to the fire, not making assumptions or super imposing the wants in needs into someone who will never be that one. So a morbid ending to a sensually popping beginning, but it is something that is not left only to the fantasies and mines imagination, but a truth that brings forward a prospective one, who will suit all the needs and desires henceforth.

Lesson Sixty-Eight: Acknowledgement

Having the ability to admit, omit, say "Yes I did" or "Yes I am aware" is not only a breather from life, but also a freeing statement. Being honest with yourself and putting everything needed up and out front is what is to be desired for. The truth in your everyday, remains to be the truth in your survival and longevity. Although life remains in question, and constantly fluctuating and changing, life makes bold impressions and key designs and patches up the unknown, undecided and not for seen. So being upfront and opening up and seeing what is beyond the eyes is all telling and all growth.

Letting loose and veering towards no control.....

As of recently I have had a personal self discovery occur gradually over time, and then instantaneously throughout my entire weekend. I decided that I can not predict, make miracles, wishes and dreams all come true as planned in my lifetime. Although I am expecting a many good things and uncommon occurences to happen, I am now under the impression that if they should happen, ninety nine percent of the time the occurences will not follow as planned and I am finally ok with that.

What led to this moment, and many little self discoveries was my admission to myself about my need(s) at times to remain in control, have a set sense of self and balance, and be able to walk upright with no issues or problems in between. I was expecting no side bars, notations or even edits and life overhauling. I genuininly believed that I can have slight changes, and bumps occur, but nothing too common and routine. I was wrong.....

My transitions and fight with my life has weighed me down. I was under the impression that there would be nothing standing in my way. The only doors I would be opening were the doors that I pictured before me. For each door opened, I knew exactly what was behind them. Hell I made everything into what it needed and did not need to be in regards to my life, and for that I see my faults and findings and life discontenetment starting to settle within me now.

My fears have plagued and paralysed me. The constant need to be in control, and be aware of my surroundings has blinded me. I am saying that it's ok to go throughout life with a plan, but having that tight reign and need to reel everything within, and control and have life go accordingly just isn't cut out for me. I am facing my truth, and well it looks like living on the edge, and in constant flight and fight motion, to thinking in the final quarters, or pulling the unthinkable out within the winding seconds continues to mold me. My sense of control in my uncontrollable life, and environment has finally caught up with me. I am relinquishing my ties to all feelings and need be moments of control. I am gathering up all of my strenth and mastering my mind and emotions as is. I am allowing my intuition to guide me through, my common sense to answer my questioned moments in time, and also, my faith and belief set to reveal what I know works out best and is better for me.

So with releasing control, I am honoring an emotion I constantly speak of. I am acknowledging my feelings and how I express myself and relay and relate myself with and to others. As passionately and intimately open as I can be, I must also realize the benefits and perks of allowing me to feel me. I say this with a background coming from pleasing others prior to addressing my needs. Allowing others to feel emotionally balanced, while I am left stumbling and falling and looking all over the world for what I continue to desire, but what I still have not shared and known. I look for the answers in what I bring to you, but I am not resloving a damned thing for what I am feeling and experiencing. So now I am opening my eyes as we passionately share kisses. I am watching you undress me, and stare at me as I lay my head onto your pillow. The moment I start thinking about the perfectness, and what needs to be felt, kissed, followed up with and chased with -I will quiet that noise. I will only listen to my passionate moans, and for each moan my back will arch, my neck will turn to the side. I want to say my name. Damnit I will spell out my name. Ever been so entranced and intoxicated and lost in self? Well I am aiming for that pleasing moment. Pleasured to the P is what I am expecting and feeling for.

C-O-N-T-R-O-L
Centered Obession naturally triggered remotely obtained logic. Hmmm I broke this word down to what I believe applies to my relationship with control. My inability to break free from assumed thoughts and patterns has left me centered. Literally centered. So now I am choosing right, and left. Up and down. I am leaving this relationship. Control you have no jurisdiction over me anymore.

Lesson Sixty Seven: Got to break free
It's as liberating as taking off your bra right after a long days of work, or cutting your hair and running your hands from top to bald bottom. I am in need of a jolt of something, and that something remains to be with freedom. I continue to tell myself that everything will occur as is, and if nothing happens instantly well I dont have to fret. Life presents itself as need be, and for that I am thankful and welcome a change of life.

The things people will do to get a rise from you...

So my yesterday starts back the return to reality and normalcy. Memorial weekend was an enjoyable, and relaxing weekend out of New York City, however, it wasnt the best of vacations and time away spent, but it was something to do, and a moment in time I was away from troubles and stressors. So now I come back to the hustle and bustle of NYC. The fast pace and the interesting occurences in life, and people featured in our lives. I walk in my office space and am clouded by the feelings of just wanting to walk out the front door with a one way ticket somewhere. So as I sit back onto my office chair, I am replaying the events of the days that passed before my eyes into my mind. I am literally calling out for that one moment that I can hold onto forever, but it never occurred and happened. I was disappointed that mutual emotions can easily disslove literally in under a minute.

I start seeing my clients, and reporting my loggings for the day. I am thinking of ten to twenty ways to rescue a particular family and amend a client situation, but I return back to the time spent away. I felt as if I was caged away, and supressed. I started to think about what exactly I was returning home to? What was I searching and looking for? Could I possibly up and move to another state and find whatever I am missing and needing? Is it possible to plan out your life path and follow it? Or being led blindly into the daily in's and out's of life is whats to be expected and desired for? With so many question I had no answers or responses back that fulfilled my need to open up and expand more. I did not have that reoccuring dream, which featured unlimited answers, and opened up for me the potential and all the possibilities I have hoped and dreamed for. So as I revisited my moment in time where I was suspended in inanimate space I was left with no images and answers.

So now I am at work day dreaming yet again and feeling the slights and disappointments. The sense of unattained accomplishments, while others bask in their delights and happiness and contentment. I think to myself as always "why should I be upset, I should be mindful and thoughtful and grateful for each and everything I have recieved", however, I am still stinging from life's slights, and the people who appear in them. I walk into the looks and the stares and attitudes of people who have a dislike for me. I look into their eyes with nonchalance and no cares as well. It's a mutual feeling. On my breaks my mind continues to reel, and although I am able to provide continued services and assistance for my clients the question still remains "Why am I here?" "Whats my purpose"? "Just leave"!

So my day miraculosly floats before me. I am blessed to be able to have a friend who I can find solace in and with, and someone whom I enjoy spending time with. I enjoyed our talks and she is an amazing person. We meet up and throw up the days stressors, and all the issues experienced and faced within our 9-5's. As we bask on the benches, over looking a section of Brooklyn Heights that remains beautiful, untouched and historically important and severely inflated priced. We watch the sun as it sets, and we then get up to make out way towards Montague street. We pass a few restaurants with their over priced burgers and ambiance, we giggle and laugh about life, and how today we have the fuck it's, so why not live it up. As soon as the mood begins to creep towards enjoyably good, I bump into a distant memory.

She was a decent person, someone whom I worked with. Someone whose history wasn't up for debate, however, at the time their now represented something powerful, pulling and definitely someone to look up to in a motivating factor. So she addressed me as if I really didn't exist, and she acknowledged my friend, who I formerly worked with (thats how we developed the friendship), as if we never worked together, and I was just the friend that happened to be there. I was distracted, and easily uncomfortable with the conversation. I honestly began looking deep into myself and feel a sense of unaccomplishment, almost a feeling that I wasnt even entitled to be privy to the quick meet and greet. I was then feeling a sour way about a relatives successful completion of her course work and studies. I felt yet again that I was being left out of the group and bunch. I internalized so much until I literally was feeling sick, but then I snapped out of the feeling and moment and just took a deep breath! I needed to.

When I look at each and everything I have achieved individually and with the assistance of family and friends, I continue to count my blessings. I also know that life has not valuted me from here to there for nothing, and at no cost. There is more for me to experience and see. I began to have hope, and I felt a lot better about myself and the upcoming day. I decided to push the grid a little more, try a lot harder and continue. I can achieve just as much as I want to, when I want to and exactly how I want to. I am blessed and truly fortunate. Everything experienced and given and shown to me has symbolism.

So as I released these emotions of yesterday, I released the emotions of today. Developing a hard skin and not allowing others to take over you and on you is something I intend to accomplish.

Emotional release.....

So reading an email from a beloved family member allowed me to see everything that was set fourth for me. I am awaiting too much and expecting too much, allowing something to occur is not just coincidental, but it's within the life's plan I wrote for myself as I entered this world. A stoic believer in karma and dharma and everything that occurs will either repeat itself, or find a clever way to repeat itself. So I am finally (after so many entries) opening up and being entirely honest and naked to all. My fears are prevalent, but they are not suffocating me, and I am not succumbing to the darkness. I am marching forward and pressing through.

Lesson Sixty-Six: Test those waters.
A simple spalsh is not whats necessary and needed. A major dive and belly flop is whats wanted. The need to be pessimistic and quiet, and just patiently awaiting for something to occur might be what the doctor ordered. As with the transitions of my blogs, I am now seeing that life outside of one region and subject remains fufilling and interesting. Something I need, and needed for so long. I continue to thank god for all of the amazing experiences my life has featured. Its like watching a broadway show. The curtains are up, Im ready to go!

So where do I go from here?

Back at it again....

Perhaps I have never stopped going forward. Just maybe I took the time to realize my life's plight and mission? Hmm....as I wonder aloud to myself! So initially I began discussing my up's and down's with life and the relationships I have experienced within my life. I felt like I was making waves and getting to reslovable points, but then another idea came over me. I decided that relationships and relationship woes is just a part of the pie and long term life plan. There is more to my life then searching for and seeking and securing a partnership with someone. There is more....the amazement and simplicity in just those three words. Interesting!

So my weekday started off in another state, weighing the pro's and con's of returning back home. I started to think of all the possibilities and reasons as to why I should reside in New Orleans long term, but then my reality came creeping back towards me and I felt the need to answer and respond to all I was experiencing and feeling yet again. My life continues to transition and change, and mold and shape to each new experience. I am like liquid cement, not yet in a solid state, but willing to be molded and guide to that structured fitting, but at this very moment I know I am not ready to be sized up just yet. So I learned the art of being appreciative of the fact that I was outside of my home, 900 miles away, I didn't see any reference to my present existence and life. I just was. Having the ability to just be continues to fascinate me, and also, encourage and inspire me to continue on as I seek fit and so. So in my time away I was able to appreciate my life, and just how I was living and experiencing my life. I continue to go back to how single life is sucky, and annoying and has it's moments, but as trying as these feelings and experiences may be, I still enjoy and enjoyed yesterday opening my apartment door to my apartment just how I left it. Laying in my bed and on my couch, lavishing in the minor to major details of just being me. That was romantic and intoxicating to an extent, but not enough.

Enters the work experience.....

At work doing what I do best, thinking outside of the box and making the most attempts to create my own boxes from nothing. I decided to start thinking about my professional writing journey, and also, event planning ideas. I meet and greet my clients, and chat with my co workers, but I remain distracted and taken away from my now. How and where do I begin this journey and living my dreams? What needs to occur and be put in place? Is it too late? Finding forever or finding right now? A lot of questions to answer and ponder all at once, however, I am looking forward to this new experiences that are to be place before me. I am seeking that sensation of being able to accomplish a tasked dreamed of and at times long forgotten. Blessed with the ability to blirt my mind bubbles. One by one popping! So perhaps writing, and recalling my feelings and bringing to light a reslove of sorts, and bringing to fruition my dreams and realities, I will then see clearly what my life has brought to me thus far, and continues to bring me. As always I am thankful and fortunate for my creative abilities. My writing is the cooling system to a long summers hot sun.

YOU.....
Can't be creative without a little or a lot of passion! So I am planning my next trip upcoming within the next 54 days. I want to utilize all of my senses this year, and especially during my favorite season, YES THE SUMMER. My mind, eyes, and heart and soul will be working over time and in unison. For those attempts I was too shy to make and experience, I will not pass on or up. For the people who can't hold my interest or emotional interest, I definitely wont entertain. I will soak up the summers seductive passions and hit as never before. Perhaps turning 3o has opened my mind up to regions never touched on before, however, passion continues to remain the major subject of interest, and I am an avid student willing and eager to learn.

A passionate exchange is what beckons me. From a long days of work, I call on this experience. I miss the moments and times of genuine and sincere affection. The moment when your bag touches the sofa, or when your partner hears you enter the room. To be enclosed in that space is like going straight to heaven. Kisses are warm and welcoming, and touches are to be desired and craved for. Emotional intimacy is just as welcoming and wanted as well. A good stimulating conversation that appeals to me on every level and kisses all senses. I miss the masculine scent of a man thats worked 8 hours, and wants nothing more then a hot meal, shower and me. The simplicity you read.....! I dream this, and am going to put this in place for my summer. Never before have I called on a passionate other to embrace and want me more, however, times calls for many a changes and transitions. I'm wanting, dreaming and day dreaming of these experiences and more....so there just has to be something to these dreams and nostalgic moments and more. Perhaps, just perhaps my summer love will be found. I am declaring war baby!

Lesson Sixty Five: It's all that counts
As little as you provide is as little as you will recieve. So I am pouring more out. I am expecting to recieve more back. I am giving myself a chance to not only dream passionatly, but live passionately. Everything we envision does not necessairly have to be fixed on one thing and one thing (person) only. Although we have those dreams, moments and feelings, a summation of ALL and I mean ALL counts for everything. So as I sit hear feeling like I dislike this job at this point in time, I dislike having to return back from my trip out of town yesterday, I then began to look at other apsects and points in my life that has held me down and completed me until now. Never a dull moment, and never an unappreciated day, because in someway everyday we are thankful, and for that it ALL counts!