A Universal Love - There is levels to it, but yet one level remains in Question.

The codes for love and when being in love are undeniable. It's as if all these years I have been flying on auto pilot when I love, how I love and with whom I loved. I never truly allowed the depth and intensity of love to entirely seep into my soul. I loved to languish at just the right point of suffocation, when my breathing became labored; my pulse continued to rise and the logical part of my mind was temporarily disabled, until I began to understand the value of a universal love.

 Love Level 1 My family at times could be the center of my frustrations and pains. I could recollect a memory that literally had me laughing uncontrollably, yelling loudly or have my eyes brimming with tears. There is an infinite happiness and sadness with family. You will have upsets and disappointments, moments of complete isolation from one another or banding together throughout the toughest times. However, throughout it all we remain bonded from childbirth to adulthood. It’s within this unconditional love, that one would understand the personalities and differences amongst each other, but yet are able to retain the relationship, choose to deepen or develop it further or work to resolve misunderstandings from life pangs. Yet again I must ask how is it that we flow so easily in this aspect of a relationship, but yet we are left lost at sea in other relationships.

 Love Level 2 The love we have for our friends is uncontested and never questioned. We flow easily into our roles amongst each other. The loyalty, mutual respect and obvious display of affectionate ease and best intentions continue to increase throughout the duration of the days that transition into months to years. The level of individualism and shared life experiences continues to grow, creating a free flowing relationship that is neither competitive nor indifferent towards one another’s growth level. There is no jealousy or behavior that would place your friendship in question. It's like magnets connecting for the first time. How can we retain this natural state in one aspect of our relationships, but yet when placed in another level of love our minds draw up a blank? How could this be so...

 Love Level 3 A respect level that is supposed to be mutual, an understanding level that is to be guaranteed and a willingness to actively listen, explore and deepen all levels of communication in a romantic relationship is to be desired for. So with all my levels of love and the different types of relationship in’s and out’s there is nothing left to question. All roles are played well with no tutorials. So yet again, I present the question to myself…If I can flow so smoothly and without too much of a life bump within my familial relationships and friendships then why am I having such a hardship when faced with developing a relationship that mirrors my standards, life lessons experienced within the realms of friendship and family life?

My acceptance of myself should always mirror my willingness to develop a deeper relationship with my potential life partner. I have allowed shallowness, inability to develop a uniformed communication system effective for our own individual development and relationship building to form. My initial instincts of weighing potential partnerships, evaluating the friendship and intimacy levels are jaded. I can label it as emotional indifference, anti-conforming relationship behaviors, stubbornness or a variation of several things, but yet nothing stands outright to me. Am I clouding my decisions and choices, by selecting the ones who value nothing more from me then what I eagerly give? I guess finding myself at the starting line isn’t pretty inviting, but then again a job, a story and life is never done. It’s revolving and something I continue to learn about and discover. On this journey I challenge myself to dig deeper, go a lot further, understand my mate and not just for the physical attributes, the intimate and passionate connections only, but the ties that will bind a formerly overcast present.

A Lover's in-depth journey within-

I love you:

There is never a time when my mind doesn't go to you. When my heart is literally skipping several beats when I receive a text or call from you. When I am feeling overwhelmed or lost in a situation and I am needing the freedom to feel and sense of escapism. It's all captured in you. If you could measure the emotional capacity to love, my love for you would transcend any number. I see my life shared with yours. I gift my life and future children to you. I would never leave you. 

I miss you:

Even when I separate from you the day, afternoon, evening to night all revolves around you. Your smile, laugh and scent remains embedded in my mind. I sleep restlessly without you, and it's until I start thinking of you everything within me settles a little more. I hear your name, chase your shadow. Time can go by, and we could have given each other space, but there goes no day or night when I don't envision kissing you.

I like you:

You aren't judgmental, you are intelligently opinionated and open minded and you are able to openly address your issues at hand clearly and concisely and you are fair. Be it good news or bad, you state it. Whatever you are feeling you calmly display it. You pay attention to me, and you honestly have taken notice of me. I enjoy our friendship, time spent together unplanned and planned. Your personality and overall being is what settles it for me.

I want you:

Sexually you are everything that drives me to want more from you. I have taken the role of your lover, your partner, your sextress. I have dared myself to explore the barriers of ones limiting mind, and not from fear of trying new experiences out with you, but from fear of failing miserably at them, but yet with you I can fly high. I reach many levels of echoing passions that resound deeply within me, but when I am with you it all makes sense. 

I hate you:

Our love is different for one another. I am settled and wanting more from you, you are in the midst of bachelor life and fear of being a conformist. Regardless of the benefits of our love, that you have visibly seen between us, you remain closed off to more. You will let me go, see me fall in and out of love, lust and life with another because of your fears. You are so blinded by your denoucement of your passions, that you not only deny you, you deny US.

I lust for you:

Call me a "Cheetah" or a woman whose inability to simply fall in love, choose one person and get on with life will forever remain tainted and affected because of my love, lust and emotional connection to you. I could be involved with another, but yet you will always have my attention and interest. I can be in the midst of a celebration, holding my partners hand and enjoying the sentiments of the night, but yet I will long and remember only you.

Putting out into the universe an acceptance of a universal love. A love not experienced by the one whose infatuated with another, but a love desired by two...

Recently I have been the object of peoples affections and attentions. I matter to them mostly when I can remain occupied by only their attentions, and yet as flattered as I could possibly be, I still long for more. My mind roams when we are apart, and in it's destination it has arrived at another's life scene. 

I could simply eat up this attention, and capitalize on being objectified. I could simply turn it on the gender based ego boosters in relationships nowadays. Or perhaps, I could say I am thinking like a man, while acting like a lady. 

Or, I could allow these life occurrences to happen and simply learn from each moment while retaining my truth in the fact of knowing how I love, and love to be loved. Knowing what drives me in my partnerships, and what will compel me to revisit and explore an opportunity once again. 

The Month of love, not confined to just one day 2-14. It's significance and definition within my life-

The month of February has held so many different definitions within my life, that it has allowed this reflective entry to come to fruition.

 This month always was to be projected a "predictive month" be it in my romantic life, dating life and single life. It's as if I focused only on what the month should give to me and represent to me, I had completely forgotten it's lore, because I was set on this particular day defining my love, showing how my love was to valued and thinking that this moment only would confirm and define my relationship.

Love is to be given freely and received openly.

 Once we set our intentions on perfecting love and defining love then we loose the essence of what love really is...

So I journey on this in-depth mission to no longer define my love, but create a love experience that will continue to blossom and bloom.

So will everyone be my Valentine...

 The  #LoveMe Challenge is a way to Learn how to Love me, and Love everyone else who enters my life openly and unconditionally.

1) Why are you doing the #loveme challenge? 

I am doing the #LoveMe challenge to learn more about my love style, and how do I love and continuing to love me more.

2) A photo of YOU

Question 2 Answer

3) A word that describes you?

DREAMER

4) A person who loves you?

I love me

5) A note to your past you?

Dear Past Robyne: You will go through many up's and down's, but you will appreciate the times when you were alone. To think and feel and develop your emotional self even more. 

6)  A note to your future you?

Dear Future Robyne: Relinquish your fears of a faithful and loving man who would genuinely love you as a whole and not in pieces of you.

7) One thing that is just for you?

A nice pen!

8) Share a scar:

My leg scar-

9) Share something beautiful:

Something Beautiful 

10) Share a secret:

 I  will always remember 4/22/10

11)  Share a smile:

12) Share a flaw:

I want everything to happen exactly how I imagine it will be experienced, and when I am let down it's the worst

13) Share a Quote:

"I think therefore I am"

14) Share a fear you overcame:

 I walked over the Manhattan Bridge for the first time, January 15, 2014 

15) Something you have done right:

 Living my life according to how I see, feel and think fit. No interruptions or exceptions.

16)  Something you like about yourself:

I like my sensual side of myself. My ability to show love in numerous ways

17) Something that feeds your soul:

Long summer days, salt water and My Travels

18)Something that feeds your brain:

 Reading and meditation time

19) Something you feel strongly about:

Finding true love

20) Something you love to wear: 

Sandals, maxi dresses, shades

21) Something you are proud of: 

My ability to rise to the occasion and come from hardships faced, humbled and grateful for the experience

22) What makes you unique? 

I'm authentically me

23) What is your best feature?

My smile

24) What makes you happy?

all aspects of writing. Being creative and doing exactly everything how I want to do and experience.

25) What makes you laugh?

Anything that can bring a smile to my face, touch my heart and bring a happy tear to my eyes

26) What makes you feel beautiful?

When I am feeling good on the inside it's reflective on the outside and I feel good.

27) What have I accepted about YOU (me)?

I have accepted that I won't settle for anything that does not feel good to me.

28) What have I learned in these 28 days?

To love openly, honestly and relentlessly. 

I dream of a day when my heart is at ease, content and happily satisfied. I catch of glimpse of you within my night glistened eyes and I know that once I awake you will forever be gone.

Openly and Passionately I dream of L.O.V.E

Serendipity or Serenity?

Harmonious peace is something I have entirely encountered. My emotional stance has remained one of a fixed nature. I am no longer under the impressions of another, and my very waking day is entirely within my choosing. The questions that have centered within my mind have all required me to ask myself once again my thoughts on relationships, romance as it enters and exits my life alongside with needing to be simply selfish and languish within the sweat stained sheets of my lovers persistent, but non sticking passions...

Can I sustain myself in a monogamous state? A realistic question that has nearly stilled me to dig deeper and find an answer to my ever present problem of maintaining an emotional balance and connection with a lover. I can say that my interests dim within the many challenges and changes in a relationship, but to entirely turn the switch off as if nothing ever occurred between me and my lover, is something I am seriously taking a seat to scope out even more.

As I sat down and ingested each and every feeling with my logical and sound mind, I could only think about a rekindled love. A love that was so deep within my soul it had melted my heart and soul into a muddled mess. A love that I would never speak into fruition, because I was afraid of it's existence, but yet it remained and continued to grow.

Days turned into nights and nights bloomed into endless weeks, and yet I remained fixated on you. If I could have that moment back, the one where we looked another in the eye and you spoke your absolute sound truth. Your birthday and your experience within aging and maturing more into an adulthood had you wanting to try with me. I was too caught into the tangle of the words to readily address the powerfulness of your plea, but I pardoned you with the erotic teachings of a uniformed soul, collecting it's lost lover and bringing them passionately back towards sanity and the reality of what they were and was becoming.

So as I introduced myself to the lessons life would put before me, the lessons of others love, and what exactly their love and the overall experience would hold for me, but in hindsight our love hindered me. I was never to be the same, because I would always expect the same. I lean into you as if I am once again connecting myself to a source of unlimited potential and power. I trust in you because you are what I believe to be true, and within my truth I have come to value you.

If what the text books quote as a love once lost, but yet returned back again would mean anything to me at this moment, I would surely grant it with acceptance.