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Showing posts from August, 2013

Honestly Speaking...

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So I wait all of this time to absolutely become swallowed within myself and fear the developing of another's touch, taste and embrace and shared life experiences with me. I allow life to coincide with my individual needs and wants, but then when life presents a want and a need I have desired after and for, I become lost for words and have a hard time swallowing. My throat aches from the pull of what I know I should be saying, but I don't. I instantly become an active listener and I tune into you, but tune myself out. How do I begin again? Better yet, how do I allow myself to remain in a calm and not so much fixed state? Your responses are not what I am to expect. My reaction towards you are not to be forced. The flowing force of nature and pure life chemistry can not be tested, and I wont tamper with it. I have no doubts and I have no fear. Normalcy resumes I begin to breathe again. my once dry mouth is moistened and my former fears kindly separate from me. Suddenly I am faced…

The heart speaks

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Whatever it takes to sustain yourself and your specific interest in someone you will continue to do any and everything to maintain your courtship. In depth and in knowing someone so deeply the intimacy can never be denied. There is nothing that we wont do in the name of knowing...

My weekend consisted of a series of intimate thoughts, and not just simplistic wants and needs and desires that could be met; but they consisted of learning to be vulnerable, and no longer battling with WORDs and their individual meanings and impressions within my life. I have learned that being vulnerable doesn't make me weak. Being vulnerable does not allow me to see myself as a secondary option within someone else's life, because I am fearful of letting them go. Being vulnerable does not cloud my judgement or glaze my eyes.
Being Vulnerable allows me to explore the depths of my emotions without feeling as if they will be a burden to another if recognized and asked about them. Being vulnerable allo…

I was humbled

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When you think about everything that could possibly go wrong in your life, you become your own worst critic. What was an experience that went terribly wrong becomes an experience that increases in it's pain levels. Each increment of hurt and anguish and "what if" brings you literally to your knees. Your complexion has paled in comparison to it's once sun kissed perfection. To expect the worst is your new norm. Can I tell you that this story has literally defined my life? I have become so engrossed in the possibility of not being able to transcend these tempoary and fleeting moments which are to be expected; to then look further and dig deeper within my heart of all hearts. This story begins with everything happening as expected and then gradually me losing my footing and floating aimlessly to an undefined life line. Pain becomes happiness and being down and deeply indifferent to a sense of change and to challenge oneself to push just a little further remains lost wit…

Life Residuals

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I awoke thinking perhaps I should dive right into love. I should simply take my cares to the world and shower myself with limitless love. Glistening passions and intensified moments that all comply into one identifiable experience. I shouldn't overwhelm myself with what could be, I should simply allow what will be to occur. As a constant thinker it becomes increasingly hard to just relax my mind and allow my body to naturally be led towards YOU. There are definite stops along my way of finding YOU, and there are definite pauses in discovering these renewed feelings within me. I can define these feelings and apply them to a thought set and life mode or perhaps even pattern, but I don't want to. I don't want to know...I don't want to think any additionally or further... After all of these years of writing my relationships out I have yet wrote an entry that absolutely showed my reslove with wanting to allow life to simply exist as is with no excuses and exceptions or the…