Sitting and waiting and expecting a miracle to occur with
these potential life partner matches seems to be the sure route to long term
and relationship longevity, but within the in-between is a distinct mix of
nothingness and loneliness that invades my soul and sinks ever so deeply
within. I try so hard to not think about the disappointment when these
situations don’t work out in my best interest, and I am left dealing with the
aftermath of the broken promises and endless forever after dreams. I’ve
mistakenly dared to dream of endless love and all the dreams that occur in
between. I thought my forever after would be my forevermore, but then again
nothing lasts forever.
Do I get angry and stay closed off, or do I vow and venture
out for more lessons to be learned for the men who claim an interest in me. Is
it me or do they want to see me? I mean there is nothing like having someone
see you in your entirety, but then there is something that occurs when the
wrong person sees you and makes everything appear as if it was alright. There
is a lot to be said for a person who swoons right on in and makes everything
appear as if it was meant to be.
I existed before him, but that loneliness and lack of
emotional connectivity shared between two loving souls was piling on me. I
would stop and start romantic interludes as if they meant nothing and created
no harm for my mind, heart and soul. I would stop and think about it briefly,
but then I would simply venture into a state of a revolving need and want more
then a basic interlude. I finally admitted to myself this morning that I didn’t
want a casual affair or surface relationships, I absolutely wanted more. I
wanted the continuation of a partnership, I wanted to the realness of a shared
union; of us experiencing our up’s and downs and going through many changes be
it good and tough, we would eventually get in tune and allow the changes to sink
through, but I wouldn’t allow basic fears to compel me to sabotage a
potentially amazing relationship opportunity that not only allows for me
individual growth and changes, but it affords me the ability to exist on many
different levels and test the overall framework for the life and love that I
always knew could exist.
So as I open myself to the reality of my situation, I
realize that my fears continually attracts what I don’t want and the distaste
and doubt bundled with the fears are finally let to the side. I dare say that I
am venturing on another journey of sorts, milestones that need to be met and the momentum that needs to continue to elevate in a continuous stream of
practicality.
You…
I simply want you to know what you want, need and desire in
our initial meeting. I want you to not doubt anything that could potentially
envelope us in the warmth of a loving relationship. I want us to exist as a
whole…and to this I say I want us to bask in creating our future.
