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Showing posts from December, 2011

Entertaining my reality.....

I could simply go with your flow and forget all assumed life plans and options and just be as one with you.....I could awake with no cares, no love lost or a cost to my condition I imposed on myself. I wouldn't even question or consider my drastic reality check and life choice. I would do, and be....What a dream! As I awoke from this Zombie like life state, I only imagined just how and why I came to that reality and life answer. All I could think about was simplifying my life, and taking a short cut. Life has truly been amazing and a blessing for me, but it has been anything but easy. Yes, I live a good life, been through tumultuous and at times heart breaking changes. You tire of being Macguyver 24/7 and you yearn for consistent stability. Life has afforded me several options, all with no life raft or seat belt, and as I venture forward to investigate each offering, I am parachuted to the next bumpy ride. No matter how amazing and awesome the experience, I have come out of each a…

I believe.....

In just a span of two weeks life literally changed before my eyes. I was stressed and strained, broken down and broken hearted. Lonely at nights and in a dazed stance during the days. Wishing as always that my dreams would come true. A lover to come home to, a creative and productive career to awake to and in the middle and mean time red faced, loud and cackling children to cherish and share my life with. Oh how I believed this life was meant for me. The life to love and live and set me free. Feelings of a self imposed zombie state has forced me to deny my reality. Altruistic tendencies has further drawn me away. I can not see, hear or think straight. Everything bothers me or troubles me, relationships once loved are lost all over again......what am I to believe anymore?All I could think of in times of my distress were lyrics from a Jay-Z song "And they pray and pray on my downfall....." Each word echoed volumes and reaonated deep inside. Something I so desparately sought wa…

In change comes answers.....

I am learning a lot about myself. With your back against the wall your mind and visual length expands. I am seeing that although I have enjoyed my solitude time, my career endeavours and the times well spent with family and friends; I still feel a sense of loneliness. Those gloomy nights when nothing can be read, viewed on TV or overly prayed upon to calm your nerves. The longing and need for your paramours touch trumps all previously addressed and spoken about.
It's winter and I'm cold. My heart is frozen amongst many warming hands, or potential romantically peaked interests who assume they have the key to melting an embedded frozen heart. Do I stab them with an eerily cold embrace, or do I await the tingling pricking sensation of being awoken again?
Is all lifes problems resloved with a flippant attitude? How am I escaping this situation? Does my great deceptive tactics go hand in hand with my need to be free, or do I finally have my moment where there is nothing behind me…