I believe.....

In just a span of two weeks life literally changed before my eyes. I was stressed and strained, broken down and broken hearted. Lonely at nights and in a dazed stance during the days. Wishing as always that my dreams would come true. A lover to come home to, a creative and productive career to awake to and in the middle and mean time red faced, loud and cackling children to cherish and share my life with. Oh how I believed this life was meant for me. The life to love and live and set me free. Feelings of a self imposed zombie state has forced me to deny my reality. Altruistic tendencies has further drawn me away. I can not see, hear or think straight. Everything bothers me or troubles me, relationships once loved are lost all over again......what am I to believe anymore?

All I could think of in times of my distress were lyrics from a Jay-Z song "And they pray and pray on my downfall....." Each word echoed volumes and reaonated deep inside. Something I so desparately sought was so long lost and gone from me. My faith and belief in self was no longer steadfast and important to me. I lost Myself.....

But in each lost step I woven a new way. I began feeling, touching and seeking and believing. Life and each troubled memory began meaning many things to me. I prayed more than ever and as openly honest as possible. With each understanding and amazing night and day I began growing tall and stronger and believing in me.

Never lost, always found. Faith has progressively saved me, and for that feat I am blessed.


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