Love Battled.

Guarding your emotions for just so long can finally cloak the soul, but when the soul no longers needs covering and when the body and heart want to be revealed how does one respond?

I absolutely was looking forward to this moment. I was simply giddy and excited and wanted it to occur more than anything. I paced arond work and made several circles around myself with excitement. I absolutely wanted more than anything for this moment to occur without any issues or problems, but as with life and planning things out in general nothing can be expected or guaranteed.

In so, my moment of contentment and peace was transformed into utter confusion and chaos. All types of thoughts began to shade my clear logic and mind. I began to pace back and fourth and wonder was it something I had said? Could it have been an accident or something ill occuring that separated him from me for that moment? Everything appeared to be going well just a few days ago, but now it simply appears that he has slipped from my heart's grip. That instant sensation when one can confuse lust with the promise of love. That sensation when I could absolutely bask in his masculine security, knowing that everything would be ok.

In under 48 hours I literally held on to each emotion and moment hoping and dreaming that it wasn't true, and that all would be well and mend well. I then began to question the relationship experience entirely again, and wondered loudly why would I want to involve myself in yet another heartache guaranteed moment, but when he responded it's like everything dissloved into nothingness.

I was pleased to have heard from him, I felt a lot more relief than ever. An overactive and creative mind can definitely do a lot to your brain imagery and down time thoughts. So, where do I go from here? I continue to let my guard down and envision myself in productive experiences and relationships, but yet everything continues to appear as so...not working out. So where do I go from here I ask once more?

How many times can one restart their system and build there tolerance for survival in a battle of love...


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