Should I allow myself to dip my heart or dunk it: Sea of Love

He is swimming in his newly expressed emotions. 

I should make an exception to all your missed attempts, endless stories and loveless lines. I should revisit this situation again?

But yet as I stood seated across from you and allowed my ears to open up to your love stoned words I'm assuming was supposed to excite me and allow me the closure needed to give you the answer you so desperately wanted to hear. An instant response in favor of acceptance of you presently and to forget everything you showed me prior to now…

Listening to everything you put before me and turning over that new stone I guess I allowed myself to accept you for the moment that we presently was in and sail away, sail away…but yet you  received the green light from me and have gone back into the shallow depths of inconsistency.

I tell you these emotional moments can crumble some, cripple most and literally bring to mind the "Fuck this I’m dating my damn self-moments", but yet I remain optimistic to an undeniable experience, a moment in time where I don’t have to question someone's move. A moment where you speak your truth into fruition and you are inclusive of your partner in the involvement of your daily interactions. I just want to feel included within your life. As light as that sentence appears to be it holds a lot of weight in the realm of the dating and relationships I have experienced.

So if this is a blast from the past, should I pay you any mind or any attention or should I dive right into the idea of experiencing a relationship in unison and mutually exploring a shared life together?

Daring to dream or dishonoring a dream?

At this moment I can’t determine, and I am not entirely sure if I want this go any further then where it’s at.

The "It" Factor

 

Normally when I am experiencing tumultuous emotions based from multiple life happenings, I would generally throw my hands in the air and belt out “The world is coming to an end and I am over it all.”! However, taking a step to reflectively look at each moment I can see the connective cord that kept me hanging on just a little longer.

 

Kissmet forgotten: Past/Present

My sleeping pattern has started to gather full steam. My constant checking of text messages or calls from you has just about stopped. I am able to tone you out. My day doesn’t start with wonderment of how you are doing, where you are at for the day or your plans and if I am included in them. My sheets no longer hold your distinct cologne scent, nor do my pillows remind me of your missing presence from me. My daydreams and night fantasies no longer star you, at the moment you are guest appearing in my mind and randomly so… I have finally acknowledged that my need for you no longer holds me. I recall a time when sleeping without you bought about endless nights of tossing and turning, my overactive imagination no longer compels me to reach out to you by any means necessary.

My fantasies no longer involve visions of me and you on a remote tropical island discussing our future and planning for our family and life to look forward to. At one time you meant everything to me, but at this moment in time your existence within my world has no value for me, and so I am allowing your image within my mind’s eye and heart to fade away. Who would have thought that from a whispered word of love within my right ear that everything we attempted to create together would no longer matter…The beauty of life and it’s ever changing happenings.

I don’t regret this relationship and its growth into existence; in fact it helped me sort out my feelings in regards to wanting to maintain a surface relationship or dig deep within a relationship and with my potential partner, and so I thank you for your smile, your undeniable addictive scent that has bought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. It’s within your absence that I no longer miss you.