To Fuck.....No chaser

Ever had the urge to just simply FUCK? F…U….C…K.. On demand is what I want of you. There is simply something about you that gently pulls my attention entirely and directly to you. I didn’t even want to know your last name, although my caller ID betrayed you. Check it; I didn’t even want to know your entire name. All I wanted from you and with you was your stance hovering over me waiting to dive inside of me.


I was laying in my bed and during this hot summer’s night my fan wasn’t oscillating to my body temp dire need, so I began to undress myself. My eyes were closed and my lips were suddenly swollen. My socks were bothering me so off they came first. Left to only a tee shirt, bra and panties I decided which item to minimize first. Slowly sliding my hands to my waist I held myself. The feminine indent of one’s tummy to navel, to the warm skin and slide of a curvaceous waist beckoned me to delve deeper. Never having before appreciated my pronounced and at times damnably womanly features until this very night set more ablaze and afire within me. Like honey to a sweet sickened tongue I was painfully turned on. A little push of my hands further and I would be cupping the heat and wet warmth of my desires. What drove me to utter intimate appeal…surely I could answer that as readily and passionately as never before.

The mysteries of faith have swallowed and at times lead some people to their destinations and spiritual travels, but the mystery of attraction and appeal has held no ground or actual laws. The mystery of intimacy is almost started once the moment is enacted. There is nothing to guide or lead you to it, it hones in on you and once in its embrace you are spiraled into obsession of the need. I believe when I saw him I was aroused to the highest personal intimate level. As a heart beating in unison with your spiritual time clock, my feminine spot beat a wildly rhythmic beat of need, want and the tale tell story of desire and passion. The age old story of conquering and being conquered and devouring one another in sexual bliss was never a tall tale but the humanistic fate of the outcomes of desire.

So I touched and teased and tasted and pleased. Thinking of you and how you would make me feel. I almost slipped and called you. I almost slipped and requested your night company. In preparation of my sensual demise I planned to lick your navel to chest to chin and side of your face. To hold both of your arms above your head enacting the pendulum of breasts, and their desired fate. To be licked and pleased and teased and passionately bitten until my knees began to bend then buckle. My hands would betray your arms and I would be left pleasurably unguarded from your masculinity. You would lift me up and pin me on my back and go from my navel to clit to left leg to calf. Oh the agony.

I haven’t even pulled my shirt over my head yet or took off my bra. Wet and out of breath and panting for that intense daydream.

Ever want to be fucked? Dream more.

Reality of it all

Having been afforded the opportunity to travel aboard for the last two weeks of my 2012 Summer has not only opened my eyes and broadened my horizons, but I have been able to see the compassion and genuine spirits of others that has touched and opened my heart to much more. The more that I am talking about is the more a human spirit offers another in kindness and sincerity. The more I am talking about escapes general expectations and wants after the initial questioning or presenting of a favor or a desire to experience something. What is then put in place is the honest and openness of compassion, care and consideration for one another that ties into my long term wants ideals, needs and goals.


We will always desire to seek another who will fill us up completely and take us away. We will fall in love and romanticize with figments of our imaginations that have left us completely in want of more. Seducing our minds is an easy task, but prepping and placing promising and completed intimate details as intricate as possible is not easily experienced. Limiting your mind and self to what you assume to be the only thing that stirs you right then and there becomes the death of you.

Like the Phoenix your travels and destinations and detours will all tie into your long term ideals and wants. With death and acceptance of past behaviors comes the entrance of newly found and easily adjusted likes and desires which birth passion and a rise of self.

In this time away I took advantage of not wanting you. I took advantage of cleansing myself and soul of your memory and it felt damned good. I looked into my uncharted destiny and future and welcomed changes and transitions. Coming from someone who deems themselves all over the place and an emotional ball of change and transition on the daily. I finally felt consistently free and a sense of a start of emotional stability. How freeing a new destination sets the stage and tone for one’s mind.

Just a little Crush!

The excitement of a mutual interest has taken my utter attention and breath at this very moment. Typing with a new found sense of interest and excitement beyond the melancholic lessons learned, which recently has been dually noted, but what I simply just stated to myself is…..CAN MY HEART LIVE!!!


YES IT CAN!

What makes up the laws of attraction? How are we to respond to someone who easily gathers our interest and piques the very things that move and stir’s us? To simply answer this question I would start with the stir of genuine and mutual interest. At times I have become accustomed to the clumsy half starts and complete stops of wanting to figure each other out intensely and get to know one another. What has become a common factor and finding in my most recent and previous romantic relationships, I have found that this bumpy ride never really suited me. I live and breathed continuous flow. Like a faucet being turned on for the first time and wetting the pipes it flowed through. The thirst for a connection has suited me almost to the point of obsession, which in its own right when cast in large amounts of brain space can leave you spiraling to find sanity and normalcy once again.

So what has lifted me so? The freeing of a former on and off relationship that had pretty much held me self-captured and captivated, being the only one drawing true life and blood into the relationship. Realizing this fact almost took the breath away from my lungs. Having to slide down my bedroom wall and not scream out loud or burst into continuous tears of being at the very place I vowed not to re-visit, but I was there and this time being felt and experienced was nothing like the last times.

When your mind and heart are in agreement and your body and spirit no longer bears witness to the pain you have that moment in time when you are entirely free. A settled state overcomes you and the reality of which you have ventured into, lived through and experienced no longer is relevant.

So breathing and daring to love and be romanticized and taken utterly serious has become my mission. The journal entries of before and within the past two and a half years of blogging have proven my battles with love and learning to love and be in love. The journey and self-discovery of personal needs and wants and hearts desires were no longer out of reach.

So it starts with a crush. I haven’t felt this buzz and this relaxing state in such a long time. I am actively entertaining dates with not the idea of securing a partner for the night or long term lasting relationship. I am seeking companionship and comfort. I am learning how to date and learning how to enjoy one’s company and start from the very start to the last ending. It’s like starting from the barest bottom and rising to the top. I’m ready!