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Showing posts from 2014

In an Image I had IT ALL: Capturing the Essence of it

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with soliciting a memory or recapturing a thought of someone through a picture. It was in that still photo that I received everything I needed to know about you, and about me in that moment. I entirely believe in the theory of capturing an essence and emotion all within a photo. 
A recent picture has held not only my attention, but it has set precedence within my heart and mind which has allowed me to further my memory and want to expand on this image. The imagery itself is innocent as it was captured, but the content happiness not easily disguised by the newness of that moment spoke volumes within me.
The energy exchange of that moment was real and it existed. The connection was undeniable and the ease that I had experienced allowed me to emotionally eat that moment up, and as I chewed on the happiness and my heart was delighted and my mind expanding the instant romantic in me entirely took over, but as it took over I was in need of an immediate bri…

Maktub!

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Finding my personal passion and inner dreams is what is driving me to the midst of searching for that infinite satisfaction. I am literally compelled to suffocate anything that reminds me of happiness and joy. Finding the calm and the compassion when showing interest is something that doesn't grace me, but yet it's something that I must learn.
I believe the one area in my life that was lacking of attention was my intensive romance sector, it's not as if I didn't visit this life point, I just never took the time to work within it allowing it to grow and develop into an area to be reckoned and fulfilled with.
It's an almost naiveté of sorts, because although I recognize disinterest, and definite differences with the opposite sex, I then don't counter these omens with the reality of the situation. Perhaps if I named a thing a thing and called lust or basic physical beauty interests only as so, then perhaps I could spare my emotional set and heart a broken heart s…

17 more days...

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When there is no absolute pull to any longer exist in a sheltered state of discomfort. When you awake in the morning and look up at the ceiling for the endless time and know that your ceiling looks almost foreign to you, then you now know that life has passed you right on by with or without your approval.


As I am seeing it...life has caught up to me. What was once accepted as a standard for limited interaction of mediocre declarations of interest has flamed fanned away. My attention to detail span has increased, my need for exact definitions and meanings of your thought to reaction to expected outcome to realistic outcome is centering to me. 




No longer do I fantasize about the what if's, I no longer await a shadowed illusion of the what if, and the expected outcome is no longer devised from my thought to expectation, but spoken truthfully from you.
Perhaps the year coming to the end has a major role in my heart of hearts finally putting its love stained foot down. Perhaps my leve…

I welcome this transition: Getting a head start on what makes an ailing heart whole

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A testament to a missed step within the daily walk of life is when you value a soured experience for the life lesson and message afforded to you. What at one time puzzled you, no longer complicates you, and where there was a definite life fog occurring at one time there no longer exists the grayish haze when you have cleared your mind and heart.
A misstep that once could crush me no longer held power over me, actually I think about this recent incident as a life hiccup. Unexpectedly recurring with an exact cure that needed to be executed at once for unexpected maintenance. 


Well, I have found my cure and I have dug deep within to realize that everyone can simply pay you attention, compliment your daily habits and life interactions within them, however, not everyone values the essence of a divine interaction with someones spirit. Not everyone can understand the unique beauty of something they can't physically see or touch, but can be valued through other outwardly and inwardly bodily…

Stunted-

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I wonder about the state of affairs of the human heart, so jaded by the greed of others that one can become emotionally smothered with disappointment. 


Looking at still pictures and allowing each photograph to tell a detailed story is something the mind easily jumps at, especially if it is the story of a former lover as they have easily transitioned your experience with them out of memory to then place their newly interest as easily and openly as ever before. 
What comes into question is my own judgement and the validation of my heart above all and the experiences my heart decides to take on or easily rule out and forget. I can't help but wonder why my love was never enough to be claimed by their love, but yet to watch them smoothly transition into a newly assigned love, and have left me far and behind I can't help but remain in a stunted stance.
There comes into question many life doubts and questions to mind, but at the end of the day what has to be understood and recognize…

Arrhythmia of Sorts: No Regrets!

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Perhaps it's my rain stained window pane, or the cold air that brushes my hair past my eyes or the deep and calming breaths I must take in order to relax and not think about the worst of the thoughts that have crossed my mind. 
Within a day there is so much contact and interaction taking place that even the smallest upset and discomfort can cause a shit storm or emotions and we all know that sitting in on those feelings and not facing them are the safest and best bet as we know it, but then again within each moment of emotional upset experienced there is always a lesson to be learned.
Proving yourself to the one you like can take a nose dive instantly when you aren't exactly sure as to why you are in need for anyone else's approval beyond your very own? Everything you gather and build upon in life should not be stamped out simply because a little emotional love loss is holding you heart in whim. 
I think back to the times when control was a wonderful thing to have and a s…

The heart spills many truths: A break down of the many facets of emotional depth!

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I fear nothing and no one but you...






There is this building block model that I recall being taught about in basic psychology. This model was about building experiences and life sequences from the basics of beginnings and allowing everything to be put together in an almost natural occurrence and within stages. So structured and so easy to develop, but yet this model is currently not suiting even my most basic hearts needs at the moment.
So easy to allow someone you absolutely know you have no chance of building any life blocks with to simply simmer into your world, uninhibited you become and easily impressionable and subject to temporary insanity, but when you start developing a friendship with physical and sexual and mental attraction with an entirely different personality and different person you are normally used to attracting you become lost for words and even lost within your own existence. Temporary insanity experienced again? I plead the 5th...

This journey leads me to believe that…

Karmatic Ties: The emotional development and funneling of kismet.

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I listen because I want to hear you. I listen because it is apart of getting to know you much better, but as I listen am I looking forward to giving of myself verbally?


It’s a stage and it’s a process I continually tell myself. The deeper you garner the experience the more far-gone you go and the more vulnerability becomes exposed within yourself when you begin to give of yourself.






I still notice that I am holding in, but allowing a little bit of myself to seep through the emotional cracks. The fear of rejection and an unfavored reaction is deeply felt. All I continue to know is that I am simply I, and I must accept the challenges and changes that funnel up from within.


The temptation to be oblivious to what is before me is serious, but what faces me is something that I want to know. It’s with someone that holds my attention and allows me to think about the possibilities of sharing myself and receiving themselves in an exchange of karmatic ties and kismet.


So as this year nears an end …

Road Block: A Lover's Twisted Tale of the Journey

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No matter how much space you put between yourself and your emotional baggage you then begin to realize that what you never really gotten over or found some closure with will always remain a disruptive something that will taunt your future love objectives.

What I am realizing is that there is so many endings to my most vivid life stories, but yet I am making my most attempt to sort everything out. I have loyalty to my own personal feelings, deeply imbedded in being my main provider and cheerleader and flower child at heart, while retaining a radical and at times determined lover of life and everything in it's most passionate presence stance.

At this time I am thinking that life is so amazing, but yet it has some challenging fits. When you attempt to find placement for some within your lives span and heart everything begins to lose focus and all clarity and vision sustained has ended. All I am left with are my thoughts, my ideas and most basic concepts about love, life and the purs…

Acting the way I want to feel

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To feel your welcoming kiss or the tightened embrace from your arms cinched tightly around my waist as I look directly back at you and then upwards towards the caption-less skies. The limits are never ending and the perks are unlimited.



I am embracing love as never before. So many times I have embraced negative people with their negative feelings and emotionally draining and gut wrenching lives, but yet my life never even mirrored their very own nightmares, but I was soon quickly captured in an unplanned reckless dream. So as easily as I practiced melancholy or silently slipped into the emotional vacuums of others, the forgotten idea of creating my own destiny and living my best life yet was placed on hold.

As I allowed my emotional being to be challenged and even simply pressed open by the impressions of others, the dream of simply existing in this chaotic world was being smothered, until the saying "Act the way I want to feel" literally swept me away and challenged my ver…

The Lover in ME

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Take over...absolutely an endless tour of all the available love muscle values in the name of L.O.V.E

This emotion is neither too easy nor distinct to be defined by just a simple relationship experience, a lusty happening or a budding romance.

To date there have been many emotions associated with my heart and how it's receiving and at times reviving it's interest with significant or potential other(s)...there is not one feeling that can define each experience and with knowing this my heart remains on the go for it has not found anyone that is allowing a set emotion to distinctively develop.


There is beauty in holding back and not being emotionally available or receptive to just any appearance of genuine interest. A clouded mind is the worst possible situation to have. The inability to mingle and mix experiences, and also, compare and contrast the emotions who's and who has not struck a cord within you...well all of this would not be possible when the mind is under singula…

Within the Chaos

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I want to be dismissive. I want to rely on all the mixed messages and intentional slights and doubts caused by the lover whose best intentions offers me the worse comforting feelings.
I want to hear the heart broken never ending up and mostly downed love fanaticism that exists between the worst of lovers.
Is it within this comfort that my madness simmers? I literally am propelled to chaotic heights suitable for the ultimate love trickster.
But yet this doesn’t soothe me with the endless nights and incredibly vivid dreams. Wine drunken stupors of violent endings, but yet I vilify you just to make due.
I can’t even sink in the darkest of doldrums riddled with hate and disinterest. Even when I attempt to be mischievous my bleeding heart wails for you. I can embrace and entice another, but my mind is only on you.
Why is it when you instantly feign interest with another your world slowly crumbles slowly, ever silently and unbeknown to you.