The heart spills many truths: A break down of the many facets of emotional depth!

I fear nothing and no one but you...

There is this building block model that I recall being taught about in basic psychology. This model was about building experiences and life sequences from the basics of beginnings and allowing everything to be put together in an almost natural occurrence and within stages. So structured and so easy to develop, but yet this model is currently not suiting even my most basic hearts needs at the moment.

So easy to allow someone you absolutely know you have no chance of building any life blocks with to simply simmer into your world, uninhibited you become and easily impressionable and subject to temporary insanity, but when you start developing a friendship with physical and sexual and mental attraction with an entirely different personality and different person you are normally used to attracting you become lost for words and even lost within your own existence. Temporary insanity experienced again? I plead the 5th...

This journey leads me to believe that your personal life slights and self detracting statements and even lowered self esteem in regards to particularly thorny areas within your life all face center and draw your inner and most immediate attention. It's as if everything you had going for you and life experienced and valued meant all nothing, because he stood before you in his amazing and at times heroic glory brimming from head to toe in an ungodly perfection. 

Holding yourself as your very own savior in the highest esteem and glory, how could someone even come a close second or even topple your momentous stance and self declared stature?

As rhythmic as I have become, my heart continues to beat an arrhythmia of discord and discomfort. I have become subjected to my own criticism and my own inner needs to appear as perfect as ever, but in actuality I am blatantly flawed. The feelings of not being enough, or even not countering your own presence scares me. I am literally unsettled and off balanced and afraid to even be anything resembling myself, because I know longer trust my reactions towards you. 

Yet again, I ask myself why is it that I can date males that lead me astray, play all the games in the world and lie from here to California, but yet when someone whose genuine is faced in front of me I have no idea how to react and interact in my most basic needs and instincts...this is baffling me. Why are you causing this reaction within me, or better you why am I responding to you as such and in a way that continues to plague my mind.

"I know your body better than you do, I might not cum at all, but you do..." ugh the life pangs of an emotional inception of my mind and body and sensual spot and unsure heart. I want to go forward, I want to pull you in and wrap my arms tightly around your waist and allow them to slowly slide to embrace your head bringing you further in. I want to make love to your senses and never let you go. Beginning with that building block tool I never claimed to use, but now I am understanding the need for secular perfection.

Why aren't I allowing you in...How do I reach you and most importantly Do I want this?


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