Posts

Showing posts from May, 2012

Drawn Out?

Image
Having a cup of coffee with the opposite sex doesn’t grant a relationship. Exchanging personal information about yourself in regards to your individual likes and dislikes and current interests does not solicit the start of romantic talks and your individual yearns for more. Having that first initial date, link up, meet up or whatever safe word you like to use to describe a date or appeal of interest in your opposite sex does not mean anything more than what it is an was; just a date with the opposite sex. The issue at hand is learning how to date with interest and a design on learning as much as possible about your date as you plan on spending and making more time with them. Continually I tell myself to take my time and control my emotional sense and self. One cannot help but look for love in all the wrong places, hoping that each door opened and opportunity knocked could be that illusive jackpot at the end of the rainbow and you might ask yourself “Was there ever a rainbow?” One wou…

Damn, I felt the CALM

Image
The change of the weather activates the many changes and self-transitions to come to mind. Impulsive, idealistic and dreaming of a bigger and brighter tomorrow, floats above and before me. Is it my time to receive this magical illusion, or will I continue to dream the dream and watch it stay afloat? Being constantly in motion and at times at war with the idea of rest and relaxation, I find myself restless and looking for more. What exactly the additional asset sought after…..I can’t entirely answer and verify as of yet, however, what I can say is that it’s a piece of me that I am learning about. Now the issue at hand is working with this restless energy and not against it. Calming this restless energy I would hope would have allowed me to write additionally, however, I suddenly developed a writer’s block! I noticed nothing I conjured up in thought could be word by word placed into an essay by design. I couldn’t even find interest in my latest article and book reads which by far was…

#SelfTruth

Image
My reality of the fact of the matter is my affinity and affections for you. The issue that I am having with self is basically that I can’t seem to shake the feeling of you. No matter how much I attempt to see the demise in my affections, or think of worst case scenarios as the outcome of my relationship with you, there is nothing that seems to set apart the most intimate and connecting pieces of us two. I am crying as I type because the fact of the matter is I need you……… I realized that love may present itself to us in many ways, shapes and forms. I have reached my love for another and tumultuous as the experience has been I am unable to contain and control it as I once thought. The fact that I am facing is that everyone is not necessarily arriving on the emotional love train at the same time. Could you imagine if everyone loved each other at the same pace and speed and in the same time? Wow is all I could say to that imagined dream. But right now I am thinking about being honest…
Image
Is it possible to see your life’s escape in the reflection of another? Is it quite possible to allow your walls to entirely come crumbling down in the wake of common interest and unadulterated emotion? Not controlled or contained by self or monitored by anyone other…..Is it possible? Reckless, unplanned and centered on my own personal emotional quest I had to have you. Persistently teasing my mind I wondered about you. Ulterior motives perhaps, but appeal and unspoken interest remained. In my very own abandonment of how I viewed life and the suggested path line what intrigued me about you and your way of life, but most importantly your simplistic essence. Your aromatic ingenious and creative wave of life and how you capture life and those living life engrossed me. Your play with pictures matches my play with words, I wondered about you…. Reserved to many, but not entirely to you I was happy for your entrance in my life. The ability to have escapism is key to me, so whatever role you …

Could this be......Maybe

At times I want to go forward and be one with a potential partner. Milk the rewards of a shared relationship growing from the start of interest to the blossoming of desire and love. It could be more than a fascination, and nothing less than blooming interest on a daily romance scale. This would seem ideal and scream out a girls desired for fantasy, but it’s semi suiting for me. Although I envision these and many other similar described moments of love, affectionate and interest, it’s not entirely what I want. To be chased and connected with someone is appealing, but to be free from the worries of a relationship, allowed your space and hearts desire with the ability to wet the tip of your ink blot pen of interest whenever you were running low on the fuel that fires your hearts desires. Enchanting and fantasy ridden Monday – Wednesday and Thursday-Sunday solidarity and independence from life’s confines actually is what I secretly desire and want. No rules, no schedule and no reserv…

Turning back the hands of time.....

Image
Six years ago the woman who birthed and nurtured me, loved me unconditionally, struggled with her own personal dreams and wants which were always placed on the back burner, because those dreams and ideals weren’t primary. Her children were primary. Watching us grow up and take on the world placed before us is what kept her sane and afloat. She dreamed of many dreams, but what she wanted most importantly was her family to come together, grow together and live life together. There was a time whenever I was facing an issue or problem I wouldn’t even call my mother to discuss the issue over the phone, because that wouldn’t have sufficed. At the time I was living in Long Island City, Queens and it was a super long commute from Queens all the way out to Canarsie, Brooklyn, but I didn’t care I needed to talk to mommy and hear her words of wisdom. After walking into her apartment I would go directly to her bedroom and climb in her bed and just listen. I listened to the stillness of a late B…
Image
Battling feelings of indifference and ineptitude and struggling to remain on top is what has consisted of the start to my month of May. It has been a challenge and numerous ideas have run through and through my mind, however, nothing has planted and enlightened seed as of yet. Having started with an amazing and interesting April, I have almost wanted the glow to continue, but it started to fizzle and fade and my productivity has gone alongside with it, but do I want to give up and in to this need and feelings? Something that has comforted me many times, rising on top and riding that wave, but becoming frazzled in times of strife and struggle and fizzling out along with my wishful dreams and thoughts. Do I predict this for now? Is this something that is predictive of me and my present state and mind? To worry and have anxiety can right off many sensations all at once, but this was once me and I no longer live and accept my past doings as present predictors. So I accepted a former fat…