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Showing posts from April, 2012

Watching her Journey

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Wide eyed and always looking for the best of each and every situation life has to offer you. Your inner yearnings are stirring you to transition and changes. I am watching her journey and progressive succession. In humbleness come life wisdom and the keys to her eternal happiness. A trendsetter and beating to the sound of her own drums, hear her beat. Hearing the broken tone of your voice allowed me to sense your discomfort and pain with parting with a piece of you. We all identify with something that stirs and compels a part of our personality, and when it’s gone we wonder and question if we departed along with it? You then question a women’s worth….your beauty and image and what other’s will see when they look and glance at you. All of these thoughts rush through your head, and as you made your way to your destination you started listening to the imagined slights and stares of displeasure. Then you recall what brought you to this point in your life and self-journey. Impulsiveness …
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So battling the urge to allow my own emotions to drape over all the progress I have made, I then begin to question what these behaviors want from me. Self-sabotaging feelings arising again? Deciding to part ways with relationships and people who serve no productive connection, tasks or feedback in regards to my development; a sense of calm came over me. However, a month into my emotional and spiritual new found freedom I have allowed my thoughts to return back to you….. A sense of comfort and then discomfort comes over me. I am battling not only my mind, but I am dealing with the upheaval of my own set emotional state. The ride thus far has taken no dips or immediate turns. I have begun thinking about the dating pool and the possibilities of what romance and sharing my life and world would have to offer another, as well as transition my own personal stance and appeal into a shared bubble. But then again I think of you. Just like that, the endless possibilities and new ideas begin to …

Dusting off my dating shoes.....

A mixture of adventure and excitement all balled up into the dating experience. Not waiting for the summertime to roll around to select an ideal dating partner. It appears like the summertime sets the scene for the Fall and Winter romance, to then lead new love into the family oriented holidays and the meet and greets and exchange of mutual friends. So why do we fall into these assumed dating patterns and don’t break from the norms? I asked myself this very question today, and the answer I came across was basically break the cycle and make as many attempts as possible to enjoy the dating experience, and stray away from the social norms of assumed dating. Ever had a spring romance? Or was blown into the fall season by not only a cool draft, but the breeze of a handsome man with potential!

The start of changes and transitions begins with acknowledging that you are willing and more than able to make those necessary transitions into the future. What once served its purpose no longer has …

HAPPY ONE HUNDRED...Two Year Journey

Having spilled my heart out to numerous everyday experiences that affected my current state, taking a look back is a wonderful insight into the progress currently being made. Although we feel stagnant and stunted by the choices we make for ourselves in regards to love and lust and the art of being in love, we must never fault ourselves for the less than mentionable experiences and relationships that at times appeared to hinder our growth and progress. What I learned actually today prior to blogging, was the ability to be still and allow for the world to right itself in times that may appear back peddling to us. A step backwards is a glance back at a lesson we needed to have a refresher course in. Thinking about perhaps having the ability to step into the past to amend unfinished business and lessons learned after all doesn’t sound to disconcerting. In fact life is about getting that second chance, or a chance to make the most of any sought after or given situation.
So within the two …

A New Moon

How am I to discover you again if I don’t make myself aware of anything other than you? L.O.V.E…… and the pursuit for it!

I have noticed that my moods have been fluctuating a lot, from happy in thought and lust to romantically depressed and sexually deprived. The root of my feelings all stems from my assumed love for one. The one whom I deemed able to make me feel and want to believe in you and me, the one whom always was so near, but remained yet so far away.

Time and time again it has remained my mission to not feel any form of pain or hurt or slights anymore. Isolating my heart from a rotational experience of mishaps and short winded relationships, I soon than began stuttering on a thing called life and its reality. You can hold just so much in, before the explosive properties begin to slowly build up. Designating your life to walking on eggshells is no way to be and live. In constant self-created suspense is a danger to your mind and heart. So I figure thinking of you as gone and …

Takes Time To Say What's On My Mind

You realize just what you thought you lacked in life you had in abundance. Soon you begin to see who greets you at your apartment door when you enter from a late day. You see who call’s you or text messages just to say hello and inquire about your day. You then get to see who wants to get to know you and take time to want to know you. Just when I thought you were about to make the necessary life changes for the better and best of us, I soon began recanting that statement.

Wishful dreaming or hopeful and longing, I can’t call it exactly; however, I am not surprised. Although at the time when you sang me a melody of interest, like and acknowledgement….everything seemed to dissipate just as soon as you spat it out. A rejection like virus thwarting penicillin, there is no vaccine for you or for me just an outcome left less desired for. So I loosen the ties that bound me to you yet again. Do I ever get sick of this bull shit I honestly and openly ask myself? The answer that follows holds n…

To this I say YES

How long can someone go without that intimate and passionate connection experienced only with someone truly desired and loved. How long can your mind and body sustain itself based on empty touch’s, little to none kissing and embraces of the entwined bodies. How long can one go with facing their lover not directly in the face, but placing their face to the side of their lover, or not taking pleasure in opening their eyes and being intimately captured and pulled further towards your lover. It was once said and possibly still believed by many, that the key to someone’s soul and life’s omission is to look someone deeply and directly into their eyes, but what does this myth or urban legend say for someone who can’t stare and look their lover(s) in the eyes. What does this say about someone who can’t find that sense of escapism in someone else’s eyes, but close their very own to not look forward or into their partner(s) eyes……is that telling of the disconnection?

Possibly a recipe for disas…

Push and Pull effect

Sometimes I feel as if all the problems of the day have been resolved. As if every pressing moment and time I have personally experienced has been removed, and the answer is awaiting my acceptance speech of recognition. I move forward and look ahead and want to remain in just that state. I want to remain at the top of the mountain I slowly climbed and never remember the jagged rocks and my stumbles and falls. Will I ever not just look back again? I don’t even want a chance glimpse or nostalgic moment……….is this the walled reality I have created for me? So I wonder.

The feeling of being in the present state and moment in time is a feeling of complete ownership and control. When everything is going good for you and it seems as if nothing and no one can let you down or get in your way the fear of taking that glimpse into the former and past creeps in on you. Yes, looking back to some is a good idea, and a way to seek closure in whatever puzzled and caused problems for them, but for me……w…