A New Moon
I have noticed that my moods have been fluctuating a lot, from happy in thought and lust to romantically depressed and sexually deprived. The root of my feelings all stems from my assumed love for one. The one whom I deemed able to make me feel and want to believe in you and me, the one whom always was so near, but remained yet so far away.
Time and time again it has remained my mission to not feel any form of pain or hurt or slights anymore. Isolating my heart from a rotational experience of mishaps and short winded relationships, I soon than began stuttering on a thing called life and its reality. You can hold just so much in, before the explosive properties begin to slowly build up. Designating your life to walking on eggshells is no way to be and live. In constant self-created suspense is a danger to your mind and heart. So I figure thinking of you as gone and clearing the slate of you will allow me to be able to get over you, but the denial of you has propelled me forward into wanting you more. A Perry Mason of the unresolved and unjust heart, fighting to win a case according to me and you?
“I was bitter, just a little bitter”
Times like these I love to write about the pain. The trickle of the blue blood to the oxygenated air. I am happy to say that I am making more headway into the ultimate dismissal of you from my life. The more I write about how it was supposed to be, and it has never been the more I am coming to terms with just tossing the notion altogether! So I see a medicinal remedy that is slowly gaining steam and momentum for me…..back to the drawing boards of meeting new people and giving those “others” a chance at my time and heart. Although not everyone will be suited for you individual needs and interests, it sure beats wondering constantly why you and I didn’t work out. So writing a new chapter to my loving life and heart……The start of a new moon.
Lesson Ninety Nine: Take it all in, and let it all out.
Breathing was raced and at times rushed from my lungs. I tell you, thinking of and about you caused a lot of medical oddities in my life, but currently I have found the cure and temperament best suited for me. I trust in myself again, and I no longer doubt myself. Eager to please me and only me, and see my true essence and happiness not from the fought and sought after love, but from the daily grooming and constant self-check in’s and assurance that every day will be a challenge, but it will always get better.