So battling the urge to allow my own emotions to drape over all the progress I have made, I then begin to question what these behaviors want from me. Self-sabotaging feelings arising again? Deciding to part ways with relationships and people who serve no productive connection, tasks or feedback in regards to my development; a sense of calm came over me. However, a month into my emotional and spiritual new found freedom I have allowed my thoughts to return back to you….. A sense of comfort and then discomfort comes over me. I am battling not only my mind, but I am dealing with the upheaval of my own set emotional state. The ride thus far has taken no dips or immediate turns. I have begun thinking about the dating pool and the possibilities of what romance and sharing my life and world would have to offer another, as well as transition my own personal stance and appeal into a shared bubble. But then again I think of you. Just like that, the endless possibilities and new ideas begin to sour and I recall the good times we shared together, the comfort in my mind’s eye. Do I really want to start anew again? So I start to go backwards in thought. Holding on to hope that each day is a new day and a new start…….but then reality and life lessons and experiences from you and with you assail my senses and takes this ride on many bumps and slopes. Reality of this situation is that I will always have some affinity for you. I will always recall the good times and experiences we have had, but then I will remember that you were never there for me. Your needs and wants never really matched my own, and although desire and the enchanting intimate moments we have experienced remain prominent, it was all we ever really had. One of the few things in life people seldom realize to see is the freeing of time, and the start of commitment with one another. You then begin to realize the importance of relationships and experiences with the people who truly care and have time to delve into your world. So coming to and realizing that I have been pretty much fearing the unknown and oddly “known” of what I am seeking and wanting, I cut off potential partners and possible dating situations because of my need to revisit the past and stay stuck in nostalgic moments. My own personal advice would be that you can actually revisit the past without being stuck in the former situation. Bringing attention to what made it your past, but also reflecting on the positive moments that you individually can continue to share and develop will only benefit you and your future relationships. So I set sail on a project find me!

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