Crash into me

By chance would you happen to remember the steps of an enchanting game, a game played by two willing individuals who are looking for love, romance and the intoxicating and tender moment? I recently learned that I love for my feet to be touched and embraced and rubbed in such an up down stroke, it resembles the Passion play my hand would have on my lovers most desired manly feature. I also learned that I love a tender behind the ear and straight to my next kiss. A kiss that would linger and burrow into the hollow of my neck, leaving me no time to catch my breath. Side by side, entwined into his middle, my full body thrust tightly to his full body. A sweeping sensation up and down of my arm. Light gentle touches in a circular motion on and around my swollen and full breasts. Passionately awaiting your entrance inside of me. Passionately awaiting your hard to tight, slow to fast, pit of my tummy, nerves binding and bunching feeling.

Day dreaming…..
While I am at work I envision coming home to you. I love your smile. Your scent, your laugh and also your ability to appear shy, but in control of yourself and feelings at all times. I would love for you to come home to me, while you await our evening conversation I am singing over a love meal, being prepped and prepared with my all. For you I wait on you and eagerly listen and open up to you. I smile because although we had a long work day we still made it through for an evening and night that is exclusive to only me and you.

Twenty Nine: Let passion and love reside…..
Although we go through heart ache and break up’s and overall strife and hard times, we are able to survive and maintain ourselves. We are able to envision and dream major dreams. We are still romantic and lovers at heart. Never letting life or anything resembling a trouble moment come in between us. Although I have fallen, I continue to rise. I love me. I love you, and for that we will continue on through. Passionately and more pleasurable as before.

The essence of knowing your intimate self…..

It is so easy to compliment and pay so much attention to your interested lover or partner of choice. It is so visually appealing to know every detail and intricate design of our chosen lover(s) most physically appealing and sensually stimulating features. Oh how it feels when you are about to engage in your all time favorite physical connection of choice with your lover; it’s as if you’re anticipating an already decided game. You run each feature and touch rapidly through your head. You have already engaged in the play-by-play verbal entrancing and simply intoxicating sounds; from moans to desired positions of passions or urgent pleas of completion being beckoned, one would say you are your lover’s keeper. The director of your lovers mind and body, instructionally orchestrating your desired outcomes and intentions of passion and pleasure. As if you are finishing the final strokes to an erotic and artistic masterpiece.


I love your smile…
I enjoy my mirror like never before. Whenever I gaze into the mirror I see a different me. Sometimes I see my focus and determination to see a goal or something I am pulling or appeal for come to fruition. Sometimes I see a beautiful assured woman who has boundless responsibilities, but throws all care and caution to the wind. At times, I see a heart broken and tear stricken face of a woman that has loved too many times, lost endlessly, but never ceased to crack a shaky smile. The more I invite myself out to play, the more I see the unlimited potential. Learning more about myself and engaging more of myself and expecting more from myself, continues to afford me many intimate self awareness moments of myself. I am learning how to see me. Visually appealing, and clear to all views from me.

So it begins….

Self love and knowledge appears to be just as intoxicating as ever before. It appears as if falling in love with oneself resembles the loving experience of falling in love with someone else. I feel as if getting to know myself more intimately matches the same feelings and expressions of one’s feelings entangled in the dating and relating realm. I am enjoying these feelings and moments more and more, more so than ever before, because I am ready to acknowledge these feelings and appreciate them more. I am ready to love myself like no other, by burgeoning on my desired love.

Lesson Twenty Eight: Sometimes we have to seek to be found out……
Always looking to someone else for acceptance, guidance and courage. Always running from opportunities to place you forward, by playing background fiddle. Never excelling above and beyond my most vivid and wild dreams from fear of acceptance and appeal to everyone who critically judges and misguides me. Never before have I embraced all of these spoken negatives. I am ready.

Now is the time......

Endless dreams……….


Realizing that life is made up of many venues and detours continues to enlighten me. Realizing that I can and will do perhaps any and everything I set before myself allows me feelings of completion and blessings to bestow upon thee! I am in a complete state of thought, nirvana and perhaps amazement all at once. I don’t have to chase or be chased. I do not have to wait for someone to enter my life and brighten the clouded moments or gray areas. I am neither independent nor dependent on romantic, love lessons and experiences; I am aware of interdependence and embrace it. In fact I champion the ability of one being able to decipher their emotions, partner’s emotions and then incorporate the two into an intermixed succession. How I wish I knew all of these feelings and moments years ago……..

I rise and fall, but make steady headway and progress……
So looking at life from a new perspective, I view. I am a lot more gracious, and also obvious of the now. No longer am I transcending from place to place and moment to moment. I am gathered for each and every experience. I value your incorporation and stance within my life. Formerly I would think I am for me, and you are always for you; slowly I suck you into me and loosely I see me. Afraid and lost and alone I become. Never before Have I openly admitted my romantic failures and fears and as of recent trials and tribulations. I must free each and every experience. For each string that becomes unattached I walk further.

Lesson Twenty Seven: Embrace Maturity
Never was a time when I didn’t fear from change and transition, however, never was a time when I didn’t embrace transitions and challenges as I do today. Allow difference to enter your life and path. Take change by hand and boldly face forward and walk. Through caution and care to the wind at times, but hold steady to long term happiness and personal fulfillment and self contentment. Life is meant to be experienced. Amen!

Eyes Wide open.

So where do I begin…….

Time and distance and life in general to open up before me remain a challenge. Anticipating a change or a challenge is simply a burden to the unkempt mind. I am forever thinking of the next thing to do and attempt and escape normalcy at all times. Perhaps life is positioning me to the point of simple compliance, which in my nature does not exist. So I ask myself several questions……..

Was it a dream…..?
Perhaps everything that was said in between really didn’t mean a thing or matter. I assumed and expected so much more from you. I have no idea why I felt things would change or transition into something beneficial for us two. As I write this I wondered if you really cared, or was you like everyone else in my life; so tempted to taste and tease and experience anything further in mind and thought processing was not an option. Did it occur to you that I actually have feelings? Then I think again to myself, why would anything beyond yourself and individual feelings occur to you? Why would you consider reaching the realms of reasoning? Perhaps I expected more from you. Not perhaps, I truly did. You sold me a line or two. You milked everything I could possibly want and desire from you, but when all was said and done you left me just like each and everyone.

Uphill onslaught
Comparatively speaking it appears very hard to continue to think any differently. Although one may say transition ones way of thinking and thought process, it still remains to be the same outcomes. What exactly am I looking for one would ask? A major overhauling of the dating and romancing realm. What happened to the days of romance truly and purely pretty? A romance that would blossom in time and over time, something that was never not foreseen, but expected and desired for. What happened to being told that you are amazing as you and overly as you, and there is nothing else that the ideally in loved person would rather want to do, but with you and for you?

Lesson Twenty Six: Blind folds-
Never let anyone cover your eyes. Always lay a claim to each and every life viewpoint you may have. Never give anyone your stare or viewpoint gaze. Always have both eyes wide open. Expect the best and view all.

Relax your mind.....

Does it really matter?

So as they say, “Let the day go on and forward”. I am allowing the day to go on and in fact to go forward. Forward to whichever way it decides to go. I have no set plans, and I am not allowing myself to materialize any plans out of thin air. Assumptions and thoughts will always consume and engulf me; however, today I am letting them rest in the back seat. I am actually allowing myself to face some of the fears and doubt and questions I have in regards to how I am feeling emotional, mentally, physically and sexually at this time. Each questioned category will need an extended section to individually speak about; however, this time right now is not the time for that particular session and experience. So…..I embrace the unbalanced feelings, the feelings of confusion. Simply and utterly lost in the whys and what now, possibly or maybe not? Perhaps it all was a dream, a damned good dream I may add, however, everything is worth experiencing.

Didn’t you…..
So I told you what exactly I was experiencing through my eyes on that day. Did that surprise and overwhelm you? Were you startled as to how and why I became so passionate toward and for you at the very time and moment? Revealing these feelings and emotions appear to have afflicted me with doubt……I am thinking that perhaps I overly exposed myself to you. Perhaps I opened up a door that was cracked, but was on its way of widening up. Perhaps I think too much! All I can say is that I exposed my most intimate and passionate detail to you. I have allowed you to stitch a part of me to you. Forever, will be linked, but not as inanimate objects in time and space.

Life Lesson Twenty Five: All I am to become…..
At times we will not say the things that need to be said. We will not venture beyond the norms. We won’t raise our voice, or speak our minds. We will settle, and in this contended state we will forever be muted. All I am to become is somebody. All I am ever to need is me to seek out and search this somebody and embrace and love her forever more.

Letting the wind hit my face……..

Over the past few weeks, my life has transcended many levels. Some good, some bad, sad; then some simply magical-fantasy ridden experiences. Initially I begin with the fluctuations of my moods and my need to be independent from all. My fear of being caught in the midst of my emotional upheavals and doubt. I can honestly say that my heart has trembled with confusion and excitement and genuine surprise these past few weeks. I have learned many valuable lessons all in such a short span of time. They say time is of essence; however, time not experienced and lived is of deprivation to one’s mind and soul. I allowed myself to peak outside of those invisible barriers and life borders I drew up. Written in a world of turmoil, love lusting lost as never before. I decided to take my shades off and just be. Just be what I know I am and can never change for. I allowed myself to smile and embrace a gift of companionship and company. To be viewed by another as a good companion, someone to talk and experience life not through but with, appeased me more and more. Never before have I let go as much. I let alone all the pretention and preconceived notations about what exactly I am suppose to be feeling and experiencing at this and at the time I was experiencing it-moment.

You engulfed me……
I slept and you stayed with me. Form fitting to me so perfectly, it felt as if we molded and melded always. I slept and even snored, tossed and turned and perhaps was wavier than an ocean experience; however, you waded with me. I slept like never before. Well rested and content to just be in your arms. Passionately exfoliated by your tenderness and caring mode afforded more walls to come right on down. To be embraced and caressed like no other, and then passionately and tenderly dug into like no other, heat and fire all throughout me and transferring to you. Sweat, even tears of surprise and joy. Riveting was the experience. Emblazoned forever my passion for you………

They say no time is best as right now……
History does repeat itself, but lately it’s been fashioning an entirely new twist. This history lesson has allowed me to see growth and changes, and not necessarily stamp a path and or pattern down. History has allowed me to get over my resentment of not being chosen by you. Oh yeah, I held a grudge all this time. Even writing about it, I laugh to myself. I wondered and still wonder…why now? Why not then…..I am awaiting an explanation from you……However, I am listening and continually learning and am open to you. For I was closed off and looking for self this and independence that, but there is nothing like needing and wanting and needing to be needed by someone. I need and want that.

Lesson Twenty Four: A break from it all……..
Time is the ultimate healer and concealer of passions. Time also allowed growth and changes and life to continue to present itself. In time I have seen you grow and change, and from this I have gathered that perhaps there are many things that have stayed the same. Perhaps the break from it (us) all allowed us to coexist and make attempts at being.......