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Showing posts from September, 2010

Being Honest With Yourself

Being honest with yourself…….

So I have come to the conclusion that I cannot appease and please everyone I have some sort of intimate type of relationship or contact with. I cannot be your all and everything, umbrella in the rain, woolen jacket in the winter time, because I have no affinity for you. I say this with both nonchalance and subtle regret; for I appreciate you in each and every way, but I have reopened that chapter of possibly maybe with you and drew a blank, and then I close it with ease. Ease in knowing that I am not forcing myself to build on friendly feelings. The friendly feelings that compel you to taste the waters of your friendship, to possibly see what is outside of this unique and attractive friendship. In reviewing how exactly our friendship became as such, I then become honest with myself and my needs and wants and ever changing desires. Our friendship initially began in a wave of emotional changes and transitions and interests. Our friendship also began at a d…

It's A Start

It’s a start…….

When reality settles in on you, there just isn’t no right or wrong way to accept the transition, or for that matter the return to normalcy. There is nothing or no one that will make this life transition go away. Not even if you came back into my life, and amended all the hurt, indecision and plan old confusing moments. I think our time together truly expired! So as with the modern day lyrics, and musical genre’s take on life and love within your life “On To The Next One”……am I ready for the next, the after and anything resembling the before? So I hold my head up and embrace the hurt, the fleeting moments of good times, and the continued build up and reminders of the not so good times. I will never say in any case that I didn’t truly enjoy my experiences with you, but experiences all alone are not entirely the glue that will bind and mend an already off kilter attempt at a relationship. Yes I admittedly stated that I was looking for something more than a good romp in my…

Pep TALK....Rally behind yourself.....

What is my mission?

I aim to please and please to aim? I value and desire this statement simply and truly! So I ask myself this question….what’s my goal and plan(s) from here? Where do I see myself going from here? I am blinded by no sense or source of direction. I am challenged by the fact that my feelings of displacement are ranging from low to high on a minute by minute basis. What am I moving on from? ….. Seems as if there will be a lot of resolving going on for me! So the mission that is presenting me from all sides with many endings and beginnings and middle parts is my possible closure or continuance with you. Although I am not afraid to face the fears and the unfolding events that will come from this and many other experiences…..I just know that it’s always a sense and a feeling one can never become too complacent with.

Choices……
So where do I choose to walk today and further on in my life. Why do I feel like I need to apologize for my closure and disregard for you and the “relat…

I am not Afraid.......I am Not AFRAID!

Unexpected positive reaction and responses……………..

So preparing myself for the down pouring of being and feeling hurt. I have already experienced these feelings too many times. You would think I was prone to the venom already; however, each new and fresh cut to the heart reopens old wounds. Sometimes running away or ignoring the pain and impending outcomes from acknowledging such a drastic change in ones life can result in a major melt down soon-to-be-seen. Such a meltdown is to be feared. I am vulnerable, open, and sore to the touch. I am shaken and upset. I cringe whenever I hear your name or think of and about you. I delete everything that ever validated your existence. I want to bleach clean my mind of you. Yes it’s that severe. It’s also important for me to function as so. Should I acknowledge the experiences with you, you will then exist forever in my mind and heart. You will not be something of a dream. How I choose to ignore everything that goes poorly for me in a dream like st…

You will never consume me........

Just when you thought I was down………..


As always there will be times when your emotions will literally take a choke hold over you! There will be times when you cry an ocean, and exert so much energy on ridding yourself of the person and experience; you totally forget how and why you allowed this incident and issue to consume you. There is never enough time in the day to do anything anyway, so why allow a person or relationship gone bad to ruin the precious experiences and times ahead. So with all that lovely jazz being stated I have devised a sure wind plan to get me back on my feet and ahead of this board game…..

Whenever I am down and if it is because of you I smile. I champion the fact that I and I only make me feel and experience and go through many changes in my life. Oh yes I allowed you to be apart of my life, but briefly you can be denied from my life. I will be upset, and I may shed a few tears, but I will never ever deny myself before you. I will hold my head high and speak vol…