A riddled Moment

If memory serves us then so does reflective reminders that we are not prone from distance memories, and that we recall just about everything that has happened to us in an almost sparked revival of just a thought.

I have arrived at a life fixture when my memory serves as a lamp lighting my path ahead, but shielding me from what once stood before me. Although it's behind me, my ears are lightly enticed by previous pullings that stir each cell within my body.

A simple message can be received many ways, and can then form and retranslate into something else. I can not entirely dismiss all, and I can't not entirely deny previous, for in my denial comes my restraint and within my restraint comes my utter state of the unknown.

I question the parallel's within a vertical dimension I reside in. My up has become my laying stance, and my standing upright stance has become my crouching tiger.

I further challenge myself by simply stating it is my life and I am entitled to whatever experience I render, but in my quick judgement and passive behaviors who am I answering to?

So as sleep settles over my reddened eyes, I entertain you. I wish for a different response, I even contemplate taking a guilt trip down memory lane, but absolutely not; for in this newly introduced state of happening I have no control. I will not contour this experience to suit a judging other.

"I don't want brag, but I'll be the best you EVER HAD"

Then What???...No longer the Status Quo!

When you have fed your thirst and silenced the cravings, then what? When you have broken a kiss and turned away from the lips you had connected with, then what? When you have departed from the moment that once held you captive, then what?

Having experienced a lot of "Then What" moments in my lifetime, I haven't really thought about the moments after the disconnection. At one time I isolated my mind on only the time in between and none after. Time was of essence when it was experienced within that limiting moment.

Recently I had to tell myself that the "Then What" was simply a temporary fleeting feeling that would too pass, and when it passed I would be able to put in place moments in time that would matter the most to me, and so I have.

It's never too late to replace former experiences with enhancing experiences. For instance, the enjoyment of your lovers company should not only be limited to the time you spend together, but it should also include the time you are away from one another and the things you do to remind one another of your connection.

A former fear of mine, was being literally so isolated within my relationship that once the connective forces broke apart I would soon be easily thrown for a curve. The curve in the road would ignite feelings of boredom, indescive, a need for self freedom and an almost wanderlust attitude in regards to my relationship, but then I slowly learned to continue to enjoy self, develop patterns and yield to expectations shared and voice in unison. Inclusion over exclusion was my motto, and it's currently sustaining me.

So in my lover's absence I am not disconnected, but connected to the moment that continue to spotlight my day(s), and when we finally settle and meet it all simply works. So effortless and without thought is the shared emotions of two.

Last Night

I was swallowed into the depths of my emotions, by the passion of another; and just not any old passion, but the passion of a lover.

He is not just any old lover, but he is a lover of my mind's design. He is the lover who I will not object to. He is the lover my body and soul has beckoned to, on endless nights and throughout endless dreams I called to him and he has finally arrived.

The kissing and the caressing was never so deep, until he entered me our hearts molded and it became complete. A pack between just us two. Destined for more, as the sunset and the night skies settled between us; I lay in the middle of my bed looking up and exhaling a heartfelt thank you.

Thank you for sending me someone whose inclined to want to delve the depths of self with me. Thank you for allowing me to free my mind from the sorrows of bittersweet and transient moments that were all temporary in passing. 

As he deepened his connection to mine, I opened my eyes and allowed myself to see it all. His mouth to my breast, his movement inside me, his tender caresses on the side of me. My legs encircled his waist, my heart and his heart skipped several beats, but never missed a connective rhythm. Each hip thrust met with a moan. Each mouthed moan swallowed by a deepened kiss.

Having recorded the up and down's of my relationships, to then have a sense of grounded resolve when entering the dating phases of my life; I am presently Thankful! With each intricate and delicate detail I am sharing a piece of my memory, forever blazoned in a burgeoning heart. A memory of not letting my past become a predictor for me, and not allowing my future to continue to further itself on uncharted seas. 

I surrender.