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Showing posts from February, 2012

I see you

Truly I never thought I would see you as clearly as I am seeing you now, Your intent is known. I am aware of what exactly you are wanting and needing from me. I am realizing that all of this time I harbored these intense, dream-like, unrealistic one sided romantic relationship. The disbelief and chains I held on my emotional center and mind. To think I was closely relating chance happenings and meetings and moments when you disclosed and expressed your inner most personal wants and needs to me as a way for us to bond, build and grow stronger and get a lot closer to one another. I the insolent human being allowed my emotional state to be so suffocated by your bull shit, that I was unable to survive the emotional turmoil for the next two and half years.........

And to this admission of my weakness, I ask myself where do you go from here? How are you going to rewrite another two years of lost time? I can only answer my own personal questions openly and honestly and omit to my life weaknes…

I salute you

For your strength and dedidcation o continuing to better yourself. I salute you on your daily battles, whether it's right or going towards the wrong....you stand true to yourself and your individual life choices.
You welcome others into your burning heart, letting people in and letting people go. Sacrificing your happiness for the sake of others. You amaze me. I thank you. Time and time again you places your needs secondary to others. You look to the only one who can set us free. You count on faith that everyday you will get better as well as others. Your well wishes and kind thoughts leave no one uncovered. Even for the ones who choose to be beacons on negative lights, you choose to support and surround them with your blessings and faith.
Emotions lead you back, but logic captures you in. Although you have struggled and continue to struggle you remain humble to everything before you.
There was a time when nothing was going well. Everything looked dull and black. Space and time…

Intrigued!

Having almost talked myself out of a date, I decided to give this date a chance and not be overly judgemental or entirely uninterested. By the grace of nature and the happenings of modern technology and a schedule that continues to grow, with too many things to do during the day, and so little down time to rest and relax and regroup.
So I rescheduled my date from yesterday to today. I actually felt a little bad, that I allowed life and the many occurences to dictate my time. I am the one looking and seeking companionship, and when offered the opportunity to get to know a new person and start fresh with no doubts or in betweens, I bombed! However, Mr. New called, and he was ok with rescheduling, and actually he wanted to hang out today (the following day) which led me to believe that he was very interested in meeting with me. So I approved, and am actually looking forward to meeting him.

I made amends with a lover from the past, knowing that we left each other on good terms, and althou…

Paradise....

I welcomed you back into my life, to what degree and what aspect, I have no idea, all I know is that I want to be there for you, and there with you. Our time is limited and unfortunately infrequent, however, our love is ever long and lasting. Reading your response to my email inquiry led me to believe two things, that the love still remains between us, that connection that is undeniable and so strong remains. Secondly, where do we go from here? Does acknowledging our feelings and emotions and verifying this connecting bond mean anything in regards to continuing on and pursuing further?

This week has been a feelings and emotionally challenged and based week. I have come to terms with being a sensual and sexual women past and present, however, I am shaping my future. No longer seeking pleasurable moments in short lived relationships, no longer holding my heart, my love and myself hostage. I am answering each beckoned call, and declining uninteresting partners. I have grown up to respect…

Love will never part

Love will never leave those who dearly don’t want it to ever depart. ………
You created an experience for me, which is lasting a life time through me. When we found love I was at a point and time in my life where everything hurt and everyone hurt me. I not only lost my third serious relationship with a partner, I lost my mother at that time, I lost also a friendship with someone who I grew up with, valued their opinion at times and genuinely loved them. The chaos my life was heading towards and the downward spiral my soul was leaning to helped to continue to suffocate me more. I let go of everything I lived for and valued and believed in. I didn’t treasure my body, soul or logical mind. I didn’t appreciate anything or anyone who entered my world, from fear that they would continue to hurt, misguide and mislead me. I lost faith in myself, and everything I was slowly working towards building. My life had literally slipped away from me, and I wasn’t even willing or wanting to reclaim it back…