Thoughts are to be expressed and carried out. Picture your thoughts as a dream catcher of sorts. Writing out what I think and am feeling at the time assists me with resolving an issue, or enabling myself to experience and express my thoughts in relation to what is going on in my life.
It's within your exit that has afforded me the ability to reclaim my L.O.V.E
A lover once presented himself to me, and in his
presentation he unfolded in so many which of ways that I no longer could tell
where he started and where he ended. And so, as my lover transformed before me
and his body movements I could no longer mimic, love style and even love language changed up
continually, and yet here I remained consistently confused with my impressions received
and regenerated from my limited interactions with him and called this love. Deciding to continue to
make my most attempts at deciphering his unique love code I no longer felt my feet
on the ground, but my body becoming elevated straight on up in the air, as if my decent upward was a shot straight from the arrows of Cupid.
These emotions where chemically induced toxicity, which invaded my entire senses
and corrupted everything within me. A few days of interest turned into weeks of
unrequited passion to months of burgeoning love to the cold hard fast spilt of
a passing year gone bad.
This moment in my lifetime afforded me the ability to feel
distinctly the discomfort of what could have been a joined union to forget. I
struggled and then suffered and then reclaimed my emotional balance. There was
a time when I thought I could easily exist within the walls of an unknown
relationship, whereas I would go about my regular life routine and social
living and happenings without you, but eventually find some time within the
thick of the night to lay with you. No recollection of the day past or the day
presenting us. No kissing, no unrestrained touches or uncalculated moments that
could possibly claim us. The gentle ease of comfort would never be a welcomed
emotion, because it was always foreign and loving him was never with ease.
So as our year came to a close, prior to the 365th
day we officially ended and in the depths of the spiral that made it’s most
attempts at formulating a love depression, I exited a cracking shell and within
my emergence my heart continued to beat a rhythmic beat of a story of love that
captivated me, and although I was exiting this relationship unchallenged or
claimed by any love affects felt from my former flame; I was neither
discouraged or disappointed. In fact, I felt loved even more. Realizing that he
could neither give me the love I truly desired, because I didn’t even
understand what this love resembled, had allowed me to search for it in our
departure, and as I searched for it I received it, and in receiving it I saw
that a deeply seated love within would always outweigh the love we seek endlessly
from our significant others. I no longer would be a gleam of interest in someone
else’s eyes, but I would be beam of light that permeated love from within.
It was as if the last days of my relationship was an exit
interview, and upon my exit I answered several questions that allowed me to set
the tone for my present relationship experience. The love received mirrors the
deepened love within myself. As I bond closely to my lover, I realized that
everyone else that was vying for my attention never matched my love style, and
for this I am proud of my developing love style, and the man that has captured my heart.
Presently my love style is matched. My kisses are met and
clasped between his awaiting lips. His body rests and is relaxed comfortably
next to me. We awake and kiss our gratitude for our mutual existence and shared
love. We are thankful for yesterday, but reside in the present moment before
us. We don’t seek attention, but validate one another as only a lover could.
When we part ways to attend to our individual life occurrences we secretly sob
in unison of our missed connection, although it’s not broken it fades lightly
in distance, but when we become connected once again it’s like a babies first
This recollection of my present reminds me of everything that had existed before, and everything that I had let fade away.
There are some who will fiend interest or perhaps display
genuine interest towards me in their most altruistic displays of wanting to
know me further, but yet physically they don’t appeal to me, mentally they
can’t even challenge me or give me the satisfaction of well prepared conversation.
Spiritually I am at lost, for my soul doesn’t connect to them at all, but with
you…I am settled and feel centered enough to find comfort in knowing this because
I fancy a new interest, extend myself emotionally in hopes
that physically and spiritually there will be a connection, but yet nothing
lasts longer then two weeks of intense conversation, but then like everything
else my carnal constant craving finds it way back to you. There is nothing that
doesn’t center without any given reason and thought around you.
I ask myself…in love there is doubt and grounds for mistake?
Why am I graced again with the burden of a troubled heart, indeed I love the
build up and the sweet moments in betwee…
Love has never given up entirely on me! I say that with
pride and with amazing hope in the face of my experiences past, present and the
unpredictable future. I have never felt so emotionally raw and interrupted as
never before, and oddly it’s the most freeing feeling experienced.
I am aware of my main involvement in regards to love within
my world, and absolutely becoming saturated in the mask of emotions that wax
and wane like the moon! However, knowing what the saturation level of love was
clocked at, I decided to take a step back and a stance when attracting newly
beckoned romance, or finishing out a sizzling love loss.
I can’t contend with the fact that sometimes love is not
concerned with the diminished relationship that was with my former significant
other. Love pretty much had left me with no notice and no expected return date.
I literally had to learn that closure is a blessing when allowed and received,
and it’s not necessarily determined during the initial separation…someti…
Everyday is a moment to amend an error, salve the battered ego and bruised soul and dare to believe that a new day holds the answers to a forgotten yesterday and the promise of the unknown tomorrow.
I have hope...
Love comes and goes from it's highest peak to then soar at it's lowest low in the imagined emotional slights our dented ego's bring into view whenever we are at a loss for words and dealing with a ruffled heart.
I dare to dream...
Each time I look into the new few moments of an undefined time, I slowly unwind my emotional needs on making an outcome occur and allow myself to simply exist and roll within the seconds that turn into minutes.
I would like to look back, but I wont stay there...
I dreamed of him, and in my dream we were experiencing the day as if it was routine. I imagined the what if's of an unknown relationship that was barely defined and mostly imagined on both my part and his part, but yet again I unraveled my souls toes from the sand like memo…