Thoughts are to be expressed and carried out. Picture your thoughts as a dream catcher of sorts. Writing out what I think and am feeling at the time assists me with resolving an issue, or enabling myself to experience and express my thoughts in relation to what is going on in my life.
When one door closes, another door opens
I am not surprised that our door finally closed. I am only questioning myself as to why I allowed our door to remain open. I continued to see the signs of our decaying relationship and friendship. As the dust settled, and the text messages dwindled, our contact, and on my end need for additional with you definitely decreased. As I wrote out my feelings in my journal, I continued to question everything about me and my idea of dating and pursuing a positive and productive relationship. I reasoned with myself as to why our relationship would improve, and that although you looked great on paper, in person you hardly measured up to the human eye. I pressed myself to want you, but I gradually started disliking you. The more you talked, the more I countered you. The more you texted, the more reason to just not reply and delete you, but as with everything life and kicking people out of your life is never so simple and easy. So I stayed with the notion, well assumed notion that everything between us would get better and improve, but nothing really did. Your most recent response towards me settled it all. So on to the next!.................
So enters normalcy..... Planning and prepping myself for new beginnings.
There are some who will fiend interest or perhaps display
genuine interest towards me in their most altruistic displays of wanting to
know me further, but yet physically they don’t appeal to me, mentally they
can’t even challenge me or give me the satisfaction of well prepared conversation.
Spiritually I am at lost, for my soul doesn’t connect to them at all, but with
you…I am settled and feel centered enough to find comfort in knowing this because
I fancy a new interest, extend myself emotionally in hopes
that physically and spiritually there will be a connection, but yet nothing
lasts longer then two weeks of intense conversation, but then like everything
else my carnal constant craving finds it way back to you. There is nothing that
doesn’t center without any given reason and thought around you.
I ask myself…in love there is doubt and grounds for mistake?
Why am I graced again with the burden of a troubled heart, indeed I love the
build up and the sweet moments in betwee…
Love has never given up entirely on me! I say that with
pride and with amazing hope in the face of my experiences past, present and the
unpredictable future. I have never felt so emotionally raw and interrupted as
never before, and oddly it’s the most freeing feeling experienced.
I am aware of my main involvement in regards to love within
my world, and absolutely becoming saturated in the mask of emotions that wax
and wane like the moon! However, knowing what the saturation level of love was
clocked at, I decided to take a step back and a stance when attracting newly
beckoned romance, or finishing out a sizzling love loss.
I can’t contend with the fact that sometimes love is not
concerned with the diminished relationship that was with my former significant
other. Love pretty much had left me with no notice and no expected return date.
I literally had to learn that closure is a blessing when allowed and received,
and it’s not necessarily determined during the initial separation…someti…
Everyday is a moment to amend an error, salve the battered ego and bruised soul and dare to believe that a new day holds the answers to a forgotten yesterday and the promise of the unknown tomorrow.
I have hope...
Love comes and goes from it's highest peak to then soar at it's lowest low in the imagined emotional slights our dented ego's bring into view whenever we are at a loss for words and dealing with a ruffled heart.
I dare to dream...
Each time I look into the new few moments of an undefined time, I slowly unwind my emotional needs on making an outcome occur and allow myself to simply exist and roll within the seconds that turn into minutes.
I would like to look back, but I wont stay there...
I dreamed of him, and in my dream we were experiencing the day as if it was routine. I imagined the what if's of an unknown relationship that was barely defined and mostly imagined on both my part and his part, but yet again I unraveled my souls toes from the sand like memo…