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Hello September: Good Bye distant memory!

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I knew he was not who he said he was, but what he wanted me to believe he was. He wanted me to believe that he was my future, and that I would have him in increments and that he would tell me exactly how our relationship would go!
“And then when I woke up from that dream” the reality of the situation was put before me and I saw everything for what it was and what it was not going to become in my life. I promised myself that I would have a healthy relationship, based on positive interactions with my significant other. I would have a healthy respect for my relationship and I would want to continue to nurture and develop my relationships based on independent and joint successes. I would value the ability for me and my lover to blossom together, and for us to work as a team. The love that would be built from time, committed peace, hope and vibes so clear nothing could steer us away from our established love, but as I laid down these foundations of thought to bring fourth for a future re…

I have Arrived: Love Lives Here!

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Love has never given up entirely on me! I say that with pride and with amazing hope in the face of my experiences past, present and the unpredictable future. I have never felt so emotionally raw and interrupted as never before, and oddly it’s the most freeing feeling experienced.
I am aware of my main involvement in regards to love within my world, and absolutely becoming saturated in the mask of emotions that wax and wane like the moon! However, knowing what the saturation level of love was clocked at, I decided to take a step back and a stance when attracting newly beckoned romance, or finishing out a sizzling love loss.
I can’t contend with the fact that sometimes love is not concerned with the diminished relationship that was with my former significant other. Love pretty much had left me with no notice and no expected return date. I literally had to learn that closure is a blessing when allowed and received, and it’s not necessarily determined during the initial separation…someti…

Life and the heart of it all: She rises

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Timing is everything and this time I believe me and the universe is on schedule for a serious date with destiny! 
A new year has rolled in and with a humbled and forgiving heart, I decided to simply let all those who don't belong in my life to simply exit with no explanation on their behalf or mine. I realized that I needed to cut the emotional attachment to my past love, and let go the blinding love I thought I was experiencing from a fleeting flame. My life could have been topsy turvy if I had chose to continue to hold out hope for my former love, or to erase out his memory with a uncharted relationship with someone from my past who instantly became a filler for the moment and the limited time our relationship lasted. It was as if I went from one wrecking pile into another, and the cycle of emotional torment and pain really needed to be silenced completely within myself. So I left it all and ended up putting my new year intentions into the universal pull of life and the existen…

My testament to S.E.L.F.

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Reactive?


I was looking for a piece of that "relationship pie" or perhaps a slice of a small reality of a shared experience with a lover that would last no longer than a few hours, and slowly mean less and less to one another as the night transitioned into a twilight and the morning rise.

As I slowly made my connect with a warm body, I started to see my descent and as high as I had risen during the day I was slowly on my way to a pool of nothingness. The more the time ticked away and my preparation for the expected evening rendezvous was upon me, I started to become distracted and disoriented in a sense. I started to not think about the encounter as a distractor, or mood booster or an immediate injection into the realms of skipping to work the following day and silently regretting an impulsive moment that a AA battery operated adult toy device could have handled in less than 10 seconds.

Rawness?

My truth...old patterns and behaviors has cast not only shadows upon me, but pr…

A letter to the Universe: Cupid's Pull

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A letter to a lover is a letter that is lasting of a lifetime. A letter to a lover is representative of emotions that are captured on a sheet of paper and mailed off into the emotional wind of receive or release it. 
Out of habit to develop a healthier release and recognition of relationships, I have decided to write a letter to an unknown lover whom I have no idea where they reside at, or their name, or what they like to do for fun or entirely despise. I am trusting in the universal pull of life and all the connective ties the spirits have with one another, be it living or unknown. 
It's within the unknown that we have it all figured out even when we aren't entirely part of the planning process, but we are walking in the path with trust that it will all get best and better with the simple ability to believe.
It's a little unnerving to throw life to the wind, and having been so structured and routine about how my experiences are to occur, but at this very moment I am will…

Earth to Self: Pick Me, Choose Me...

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I took my form of release and a means of communicating to a higher level with an ex. Instead of the lengthy emails, or the text messages with an emotional parallel that resembles mixed messages and a communication break…I realized that what’s better said is always experienced in person, and even though the opportunity for us to meet did not present itself I created one.
The funny thing about recording yourself you are no longer concerned with how you are seen, but how the message is received. I literally watched myself record my longing to be with a lost love, or need to have some sort of reconciliation that would make everything we haven’t experienced mean something, or to resolve to fill in all the holes of the relationship and make it whole once again. There was no moving forward or even a since that this would mean anything even further. The time from sent to receive was like awaiting a meteor impact. I was in limbo and awaiting either paradise in a response or slowly transition…

I feel...I think...I live.

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Everyday is a moment to amend an error, salve the battered ego and bruised soul and dare to believe that a new day holds the answers to a forgotten yesterday and the promise of the unknown tomorrow.

I have hope...

Love comes and goes from it's highest peak to then soar at it's lowest low in the imagined emotional slights our dented ego's bring into view whenever we are at a loss for words and dealing with a ruffled heart.

I dare to dream...

Each time I look into the new few moments of an undefined time, I slowly unwind my emotional needs on making an outcome occur and allow myself to simply exist and roll within the seconds that turn into minutes.

I would like to look back, but I wont stay there...

I dreamed of him, and in my dream we were experiencing the day as if it was routine. I imagined the what if's of an unknown relationship that was barely defined and mostly imagined on both my part and his part, but yet again I unraveled my souls toes from the sand like memo…