Listening to your stories of frustration or you making your best attempts at correcting past and present behaviors, or even rewriting your relationship history; I have given you my undivided attention and opinion and even planned out your best course of action.
One thing I forgot to make mention of was asking about ME. Just where do you see me in your present life? Am I a thought to you, and have you even attempted to explore the possibilities of connecting with me. I mean we get along well, we have that undeniable understanding and obviously your attention and even time is drawn to me.
So what do you say?
Sometimes I have this intense daydream whereas the man of my interest takes up entirely too much of my time. I started to think about how it would be to experience him again, and in what instance would it make me forget about everything I am currently going through now. I love a good fantasy and even horror novel, but life can truly be tricky especially when you pursue the ultimate happiness of what you think adulting in relationships and life is supposed to be.
I literally want to eat a greasy piece of Pizza Hut's pepperoni pizza, lay on my couch and flash through Netflix while the background music takes me away as I await the call of the night. Who will I pretend to be phased by or entirely engaged in our conversation beyond the physical yearning of what I really want you to do...
Ah, the moment(s) have slipped past me and well I am here now routined out. Being responsible and living in there midst of fantasies, dreams and desires encircle me. I don't know what I am entirely wanting from this year but it is to be on the edge of everything. The edge of his dream, my dream and staring in someone else's dream. I am desiring it all, but wanting nothing at all.
So what do you say?
2024 you have been good to me, and I am thankful for it. You are opening my eyes to the dating and relating world like no other and finally I have parted with someone who was just a pin up on the wall. A stroke to my ego and even a dagger to his heart, but yet I felt good letting him go, blocking his messages and even page. We were never ever good for one another and yet someone had to leave. A finality that I desired.
A continued dialogue between us. I am wondering when, and how and even where?
And so...I am allowing my interactions to build and speak volumes to me. Influence and encourage me but never defy me. Everything is a lesson. Everything is an experience, it is my time to sift and sort through it all, but I am ready.
Speak to me.
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