Bad habits....


Whenever I am going through something or experiencing a change in my life I look towards all my safety net bad habits that sustained me and kept me afloat. That means contacting ex's whom I hardly missed or even had a second thought about how they are doing and the occurrences in their lives. Or perhaps we delve into the comfortable patterns of sloth and laziness and over indulgence. Yes, I could say that for the past week and a half I pretty much wasn't getting the exact reactions and responses from a lover that I wanted. It felt so easy to entertain negative and toxic responses. Texting so in so whom you don't like, but you enjoy the eagerness and prompt text responses from them. Hanging out with so in so because they indulge in ego inflation and over impressing causing you to take control and advantage of that situation and choose to your liking how you would like to see the date and night end, but when all is left and done and said and completed you are left alone with your thoughts and constant imagination. Overreactive.....I doubt it, but a burgeoning battle needing constant guidiance, self check in's and accountability.

Being the best and most responsible adult as possible is a hardship, but a fight worth going to war over. Maturity and life values and sentiments expressed and experienced about the right of adulthood and the hat you must wear each year as your self mission and values transition and change with acceptance of life happenings.

I realized that communication remains the key, and in regards to someone I want and feel most strongly about I was lacking in the area I pretty much feel I have excelled at in every other aspect of my life.

If he bothers me I understand and know that something I heard and allowed to sink into myself was something that I took on to experience and feel, so my outward reaction and response should not be in contempt of his response, but what should follow is a series of questions that you inquire openly about because you are interested in knowing how to either agree to disagree or mutually agree to come to some sort of understanding. You aren't alone in feelings and emotions being expressed, and you are definitely not only in your reactions and responses to another. Be it a relationship, family relationship and friendship communication remains the key. Why react negatively when you can clear your system and the air and understand the challenge and situation at hand? I'd rather reslove and issue with you, rather than hurt, take it out on  my past or make another "night mistake" with another.

Your value and my accountability is walking hand in hand.

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