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Showing posts from June, 2010

Day Dreamer

Going cold turkey or shall I say DRY TURKEY.....

My mind has remained focused on a self cleansing of sorts. To have the ability to renew my life in a positive way, by inviting positive people and experiences into my life, I can not and will not go wrong. If only when we write out everything, would it come to fruition after the last point and period. The day after a huge celebration and acknowledgement of change and transitions began with a bawling of tears. I cry for the failures, for the inability to see things through and for the inability to control and conduct myself in a manner that left and led me into better and positive situations. Then another emotion comes over me. Anger. Why the heck am I transitioning my life yet again. It seems as if constant change and fluctuations should be my first and last name. So when this emotions passes me over and I begin to settle again, I am left with ME feelings. This sense of cleansing and a sense of renewal and a start of something new is int…

To be Intimate or Not.....is that even a question???

Self assessments and a lot of time spent on thinking about dating and relating, the drama of misguided Cupid, love and affection and attention and so on and so on.....

A quiet Sunday spent in Brooklyn, in my apartment were all my dreams and thoughts attempt to come to fruition. I wonder to myself, why am I not in a serious relationship? Why am I casually dating with no regards to long term building, and also, why am I meeting people, whom I care for and am attracted to, but I see nothing further then right now. At times I deem myself selfish and such a pain in the ass to others, however, I can't help but feeling that overwhelming feeling of needing to be needed and wanted. It's so appealing and appetizing all at once. It's also the beginning of the end.

So I write this blog especially for myself. I need to see the written out meaning of my world and life in regards to dating and relating. I also need to let myself know that, although I deem myself a sexual being, someone who…

Can I live........

So I equate all the up and down feelings to my hormonial rages inside of myself. I can say to myself "This is why so and so is not feeling it at the moemnt" or perhaps I can pretend that it was all a dream, and all will be best and a lot better in the morning.

Is it me? No really.....is it me?
How can one reveal and show themselves to another without overwhelming the one of interest? When did being reserved, but readily interest become a problmed combination? How can one be SO busy, but yet freely and frequently doing their own thing? Is it for me to become upset, emblazend with jealously and anger as in "Why you aren't with me". At times I have to stop and gather myself and thoughts and think about all the hardships and experiences with those of interest in my life (romantic interest) that I have went through. It's as if you give and give, but yet you are the one to recieve. Or you may have that usual mixture of the person is interested in you more then you…

Impefectly perfect randomness........

In a perfect world would I exist as I am? I ask myself this question do to my recent experience with my perfectly imperfect world. Do I do, or do as I do?.....

They say that one will never know or understand until you walk a mile in ones shoe. Well I am walking double miles and wearing double shoes! A recent read from an interesting author, with an interesting book of interest and topic of interest made me think about my dual life. Will I ever be satisifed with just one? Will I always remain true to one? Will I trust in one and only one?

Life means change, but does it also mean transitioning into a set life.......

So in this perfect world I envisioned an ease of sorts. An ease of one with me. A sense of belief that intially we will work and everything will be ok. Flaws and dramatics forgotten, only good times and good things to think of ahead. The in and out's of life's daily, and our everyday daily no longer takes precesdence. A smile and a glance and that's all I need to g…

Shall we say new start....

After a rocky series of interesting relationships, all which have not ended necessarily on the best of terms; I have finally been able to free myself of the doldrums of unease and misinterest and have occupied my attention with someone of interest.
Lets just say that I have caught that teeny bopper crushing grooving all is good feeling. I have upgraded the waredrobe, and hairstyles and bumped into my simply delightful, oh ecastical me. I blush and smile and innocently giggle knowing I am bad......
"Is It The Way....." as Jill Scott would like to say! I have no idea, nor do I have control over the many emotions and feelings I am experiencing and expressing all in once. When one comes from a tumultous time and romantic experience, you tend to think that it will take sometime before you are healed and ready to get back on that romantic horse. Well this horse is HEALED and ready to stride ahead.
I do wonder at times if Cupid was a sucker, or the smartest person in the History of m…