Can I live........
Is it me? No really.....is it me?
How can one reveal and show themselves to another without overwhelming the one of interest? When did being reserved, but readily interest become a problmed combination? How can one be SO busy, but yet freely and frequently doing their own thing? Is it for me to become upset, emblazend with jealously and anger as in "Why you aren't with me". At times I have to stop and gather myself and thoughts and think about all the hardships and experiences with those of interest in my life (romantic interest) that I have went through. It's as if you give and give, but yet you are the one to recieve. Or you may have that usual mixture of the person is interested in you more then you could dream and believe,and although you really are trying to be patient and nice towards them and their outward expressive feelings and emotions; it;s just not enough to pursue or continue on with them any further for that matter. So looking from and outsiders perspective on an insiders tip, IS IT ME.
The solitude of a Bathroom break....break through or break down???
Taking my little ten to fifteen girly stall break I asked myself "Is this something you really want?" That something was a stable and dependable relationship. That something was the capacity to reach out and love someone in a committed and long term way. That something was giving up the independence not entirely, but learning the beauty and value of an interdependent relationship. That something was sharing joint holidays, and hang outs and good times with the extended family and friends. That something had me think that perhaps I have bargained and almost bartered for more, but have not achieved that level of romantic or for that matter relationship development.....Does it even exist? Will it even exist for me?
So if you must know me, you must know that I am complex. I don't try to be, but I see the roads and avenues in my life course that I travel through, and although they are forever unwinding they make a lot of sense to me in the end. The dichotomoy of the heart and brain is my battle, and actually this has always been my battle. Inability to find some consensus on the two and form a whole. I was told that if one writes out their dreams completely they will be able to reslove any impending issues and problems with their life. I have been journal writing sense I was 16, and I have semi resloved some problem areas, but continue to remain at a stand still stance in regards to the dating and relating issues. It is an area that I find amusing, but yet saddening at times.
Life Lesson 6: Embrace the confusement. It's enlightening.....
With all the up and down's and troublesome moments throughout the dating and relating experiences, one must remain hopeful and insightful that one day things will get better. It's something about speaking on an issue or problem area, that puts the mind at ease. In times of stress and strife, let your pen and paper battle it out.