I relinquish what at one time weighted me.

Temptation can be bittersweet. What’s behind the already closed door is more detrimental to our mental health and space more than we thought. What is right within our grasp (peace of mind, the stability of transparency of the heart) is everything we need and want and desire for, but yet we are tempted to test fate. We are driven to want to challenge the wrongs and unexplained endings and prove to ourselves that we have absolutely got this under control and that it has been handled. Three times a charm!? Right!!!!

WRONG…there is nothing charming about disappointment. Being proven wrong time and time again gets tiring. There seems to be a mental disconnect between the mind, heart, and soul when it’s embattled with thoughts of revisiting past love(s), (ers) and the works of life as we see fit to experience it. So what do we do when we are on the straight and narrow, moving mountains and toppling blown down trees loosely named the tree of indecision, or the tree of misinterpretation, or the destructive tree of self-implosion by way of EX’s an unnatural dating source pools.

Ah! The perks of this life and choices based on indecision.

So I ask myself just where am I at? I've come to that point where I feel as if I've made my final decision and selected the best "suitor" of outcomes for myself. 

Drum roll, please...

Giving life shared experiences and joint ventures and the opportunity to openly challenge the doubt and unanswered questions I've held onto for so long because I haven't been able to openly discuss these topics, differences of opinions and values with a significant other; because I haven't been able to bond with a perspective friend, lover and life partner in so long it's become a distant memory for me, almost a fairy tale of uncharted lovers crossing paths and doing this journey and thing called life in unison. Waking with one another and starting our mornings talking in bed, laughing in the bathroom and showering the nights sleep away from our bodies. Organizing our clothes and creating a ritual of sharing favored breakfast foods and starting our workday, to start the days breakdown all over again. I would love to trust the process of growing old with you. I would love to allow myself to forgive past lovers and relationships for the transgressions they have caused me as I have become one with you. I would totally own up to these moments because I willed them.

And So...

I had a trifecta of "The Case of The Ex's and the lone interest". I could feel so many feelings right now, but then I realized that my internal fire has created a burn that has raged and would not be extinguished by dismissing my intuition. I dismissed, I regarded and attempted to deny it, but it hit me full circle when I received a text message from someone I had thought I knew. Someone I had loved and wanted to create a life with turned around and bust a bubble of possibility for me. I receive a call from a scorned lovers current lover laying claim to her prized possession, but yet she didn't realize you will never be a factor in his life, his love his putrid and will run astray. Lastly, I received a text from a current interest who appeared to be someone I would enjoy getting to know, but yet me being super adventurous in my weekend travels to independently enjoying life on my own accord. So he simply faded away and no longer exists for me.

So I am taking a moment to shift from wanting and needing and desiring to creating my love language for my life partner. I have missed you so much, and am needing your intercession in my life. So I'm starting this thing called romance, love and life and a shared journey on the even path. I release the moments of indecision and doubt and openly engage in unions.

Forever I be.