Into the Void-

There are moments like these that require a lot more of my attention. Attention to detail and the design of my major scheme and its all-purpose meaning. What continues to have me spinning in sorts is my inability to separate need from wants, and learning when to take care of a need with no additional wants associated with it at all.

The Abandonment of engagement

I wish to attain nothing more then knowledge from each and every chance I have the opportunity to experience anything in regards to my romantic life. There has been doldrums and monotonous moments, but only in my acceptance of such moments. So in essence I have quieted my mind and allowed my fantasies of what is- to dictate my crossroad I have woven before myself.

How do I breathe?

People will always remain interested in others, once a spark has been created within their minds eye. The hardship with this spark created is when it’s not mutual, or it is limited. One would remain in a suspended state of the unknown. I on the other hand want to learn how to retain a mutual spark and continue to allow it to grow and never dull out at any moment. Should I isolate my mind and my heart it will long and linger feverishly? The flame that will arise and retain its form will be the spark that has cured the duality of the two-Need vs. Want

My stance would be…

Revealed to one, unknown to all and better experienced-

A collage of thoughts- My Now

Where Did I Go Wrong- and my Heart keeps spinning

The moment of impact…

A natural instinct would be to dig deeply within and look to lick all wounds exposed. The sore would be so deep, that it would become infectious and festering in a matter of seconds. Everything becomes elevated. Your loves lifeline depends on the antidote, which is right before you. You look deeply at the contents and know that choosing to ingest so would result in a quick healing, but yet you choose to wither away and lay your aching remains within your once sheltered heart.

I choose to feel this moment of discomfort.

I accept everything that comes with these hardships and emotions tied to it all.  My sense of knowing has afforded me the ability to pull back. I am not at war with love, I am one with love and any moment and time love can depart from us and literally have us in such a tailspin.

It’s when we seek solace and balance to bring about resolve. There is nothing like going forward with a life event and continuing to live it truly and thoroughly, but when you become disconnected even a shock to the system wont create a response, but cause a revolt.

I have departed and I am starting to look ahead. Not to join someone or a new community, but in essence to erase what was once. I can stand suspended in an animated state of contemplation, but yet nothing will come from this. How would I know, because I had already known, but I chose to rise to the occasion and make my best efforts at conforming to a life I rarely visited and experienced.

Cautious and contained would normally result in a wounded lovers shield, only reinforced by the belief that you will never allow yourself to get to that level of vulnerability again, but it’s never realistic or ideal to experience these after affects and feelings.

I have reaffirmed my place and station within these troubling life moments.

I am Happy-Although I am experiencing a stunted sadness of the deepest

Time within-

The fluctuations of the human psyche can seep so deeply within the depths of one’s heart, that you lose consciousness and are left blinded by the graying skies, but within the clouded path there is balance. Over the weekend I was able to spend some quality time with myself. Gathering the nerve to walk over the Manhattan Bridge and erase a fear of heights and being left in a suspended state. Everything came to my mind when I was entering the walkway of the Manhattan Bridge. My own personal health, my thoughts on life and how I was currently living it instantly flashed across my mind. To be in service to others is one way we can live and conduct our lives, but to willingly and at times blindly live your life in regards to the benefits, time limitations and life hiccups of another? How could I cope with this sense of selflessness and selfishness in connection with my outlook on the overall experience of my life? So many questions had come to mind, and I could blame this experience and fault this one, but everything centers back to ME. It takes quality time spent with myself that I unveil acceptance and peace. It feels good!