What Moves ME

A direct stare into my eyes. Reassurance that although our day was long, our night will be even longer. A kiss and caress And being held tightly into your arms as i open my neck to your lips invitations. My neck will forever be your lips place holder, designed to nestle and cradle only you. A quick meal and a shared evening drink or two. The sweetness to bitter mix of wine on our tangled tongues entices even the loneliest of eyes. Our stumbling in between our clumsy hands pulling and tugging our work days clothes away...rushing to the spilling sounds of a delicious waterfall within our bathroom. We channel our travels to Jamaica and Belize and trace back each intricate detail of our well travelled bodies.

The bathroom is filled with floral and almost candy cotton like smells, we pat dry one another and run into our cooled room. The covers smother us as we rest deeply in the middle of our bed, finding grace within our very own bodies. 

What was once dripping wet has

become a cooled dry. You lotion me, and I kiss and lotion you. We lay on one another absolutely still and drawing in on that connective force that has kept us...

You place me to your side and delve into the folds of my world. My head lays back and my eyes close...

Love Battled.

Guarding your emotions for just so long can finally cloak the soul, but when the soul no longers needs covering and when the body and heart want to be revealed how does one respond?

I absolutely was looking forward to this moment. I was simply giddy and excited and wanted it to occur more than anything. I paced arond work and made several circles around myself with excitement. I absolutely wanted more than anything for this moment to occur without any issues or problems, but as with life and planning things out in general nothing can be expected or guaranteed.

In so, my moment of contentment and peace was transformed into utter confusion and chaos. All types of thoughts began to shade my clear logic and mind. I began to pace back and fourth and wonder was it something I had said? Could it have been an accident or something ill occuring that separated him from me for that moment? Everything appeared to be going well just a few days ago, but now it simply appears that he has slipped from my heart's grip. That instant sensation when one can confuse lust with the promise of love. That sensation when I could absolutely bask in his masculine security, knowing that everything would be ok.

In under 48 hours I literally held on to each emotion and moment hoping and dreaming that it wasn't true, and that all would be well and mend well. I then began to question the relationship experience entirely again, and wondered loudly why would I want to involve myself in yet another heartache guaranteed moment, but when he responded it's like everything dissloved into nothingness.

I was pleased to have heard from him, I felt a lot more relief than ever. An overactive and creative mind can definitely do a lot to your brain imagery and down time thoughts. So, where do I go from here? I continue to let my guard down and envision myself in productive experiences and relationships, but yet everything continues to appear as so...not working out. So where do I go from here I ask once more?

How many times can one restart their system and build there tolerance for survival in a battle of love...

If only...

There is a space that exist between only you and yourself. Within this space I can not receive you. You will not move forward or backwards within this space, but remain implanted in the middle of your existence. I can continue to dream about just exactly who you are and will be, but the memory will never remain. 

I stumble on doubt and misconceptions, years of misdirection and no communication...but within this space within would all the doubt end?

No longer troubled about digging deep within your existence and finally finding peace within your space. 

I exist. You exist. We remain...

So they say...IT WAS ALL A DREAM

PREVIOUSLY

If you stare into someone's eyes and engage their mind into an unspoken conversation, will you then find truth in the heart's desire?

If I close my eyes and lay back into the comfort of my bed, will I miss you?

My mind travels to the moment when I discovered my passion for you. I can not clarify love feelings, or feelings of love if I can not understand the mutual desire created between us. The issue at hand remains with letting you in.

You ask me "How can I serve you?" I answer in a way that is not receptive towards you. I answer in a way that has left character and umph to it. Nonchalant and challenging I have become, and why?

PRESENTLY

My trust levels have dampened. I have a lot of reservations, but honestly I remain optimistic that in fact although I am in a love

weakened state it's a temporary situation and will not best me. In fact, my eyes appear clear and free from the love fogs and haze that have previously seeped before me. I shall not fear or doubt, but explore and experience.

FUTURE

If I cross my arms to my heart, lean my head slightly back and fall backwards would you catch me? I have let go and allowed true love, genuine friendship and life experiences to better me. I have allowed you in and absolutely let go...Bliss!