I am compelled to stop blogging at times...just when I think I have mastered what it means to follow and find that love I have always desired I soon then begin to allow the life strings to untangle themselves one by one. Slowly I am drawn back into the endless pool of failed relationships, unhappy happenings and decision when making my best attempt at securing my ideal partnership to lastly. We are all looking to capture that moment when we can look across to our chosen beau's reflection without questioning eyes.

It is within my stare that I boldly know that there can be no more, although I may drum up a not to distant memory of you and me I soon begin to fall oddly back in like, but then my interest wavers and my time wanting to get to know you and figure you out a little more dissolves almost instantly.

If I simply absently wrote to you (the one my soul calls to) would there be a response back? Would you seek me out and humbly answer my relentless messages to the universe...

Ah....I beg your pardon.

As the days trickle into the night and the sleep washes over me I remain hopeful as to one day opening my eyes and resting them directly on you.

For in each dream I kiss you good night. 

You...

"There is nothing that will keep the wandering mind and heart away from seeking satisfaction and true love. The thrill of securing that undeniable love can cause one to search a lifetime for the sensations of wholeness." 

As I came home from work today all I wanted to do was cook dinner, pour a glass of wine or chocolate milk. Start the shower and wash away the days work smells and office reminders all away. As I step out of the shower all I can see is my drying towel and my comfortable house clothes alongside with you…

This is a time when missing someone invades your mind so vividly that daily interactions transition into long waited for adventures with you. I see the comforts of home with you, and I am not entirely sure if it’s a simple comfort or if it’s just me wanting more from my moments in life in a temporary since. Could I possibly keep up the role of girlfriend, fiancée’, wife, mother and retain the friendship? Or could I possibly be his fantasy girl arriving and leaving as I pleased. Retaining the idea of a friendship, partnership and romantic life in the span of many travels and trips together, as we separate from one another in unison.

There is so much that is factoring in my life at this time. It could be simple ageism, hormonal influx’s and changes or simply life guiding to possibly the happiness I always new that could exist between two loving hearts who never faded away from one another. Two hearts that would like to explore and venture out in the world with one another together.

My fears and doubt continue to lead me forwards and backwards but yet what has swayed me to stay is you…

Summer Thoughts - I dreamed of today and it's present moment.

I resisted the urge to dredge up memories from yesterday in this present moment. Although in the back of my mind I was thinking about bring up my many life plights with you, but I didn’t. I allowed the moment to happen and when it happened everything I ever wanted to experience with you came at an ease and as natural as possible.

Something I continue to learn is about the art of being in the moment and being absolutely still within the moment to realize that what is before me is everything I will ever want and need. I spend too much time looking at past mistakes, and marking out what my future could possibly look like if only I avoid certain places, people and things. When we are so engulfed in the future from past slights and hurts absolutely forget what is in front of us. Today I didn’t forget, I absolutely indulged myself in the moment of his existence. I drowned in his physical self and imprinted his body to mine.

Our eyes connected and it’s as if we read each other’s minds. Within the stillness I saw peace, hope and a lifetime of an unselfish love.

I am happily content when I fear nothing, I don’t wonder too much and I long to maintain the moments. My moment with you encompassed so much emotional feelings and fears of simply being myself that I did not allow anything to change it. I allowed my temperament to be determined by the mood, and as the mood was set I basked in it.

Celebrating 33 years of life has brought me joyous faith and the belief in all that is unseen.

The long term…