Road Block: A Lover's Twisted Tale of the Journey

No matter how much space you put between yourself and your emotional baggage you then begin to realize that what you never really gotten over or found some closure with will always remain a disruptive something that will taunt your future love objectives.

What I am realizing is that there is so many endings to my most vivid life stories, but yet I am making my most attempt to sort everything out. I have loyalty to my own personal feelings, deeply imbedded in being my main provider and cheerleader and flower child at heart, while retaining a radical and at times determined lover of life and everything in it's most passionate presence stance.

At this time I am thinking that life is so amazing, but yet it has some challenging fits. When you attempt to find placement for some within your lives span and heart everything begins to lose focus and all clarity and vision sustained has ended. All I am left with are my thoughts, my ideas and most basic concepts about love, life and the pursuit of my all. Whatever that may be.

The blockage I am experiencing is based on not really knowing where I stand with someone, and not really wanting to question that stance but then my emotions get the best of me and I outwardly react towards my inner feelings unexpressed. My excuses for not stating anything to him becomes my reasoning as to why we should not be together, and then I start questioning myself. How can someone with no power over my heart, mind and soul have so much say so and entrance into the depths of my inner pathways and knowledge. I easily anger when I don't hear from him, I easily mood swing when there is a delay in message, photo contact or even the simplest receptive form of communication.

If this was anyone else that I had no connective ideas or ties with, or someone I referred to in a casual stance then it would not matter to me. I wouldn't even mind the distance, the non communicative days and empty messages.

The question I am posing to myself is WHY...why are we able to fall into our most unwanted interests, but yet when we desire someone so passionately we are unable to present it to them.

Acting the way I want to feel

To feel your welcoming kiss or the tightened embrace from your arms cinched tightly around my waist as I look directly back at you and then upwards towards the caption-less skies. The limits are never ending and the perks are unlimited.

I am embracing love as never before. So many times I have embraced negative people with their negative feelings and emotionally draining and gut wrenching lives, but yet my life never even mirrored their very own nightmares, but I was soon quickly captured in an unplanned reckless dream. So as easily as I practiced melancholy or silently slipped into the emotional vacuums of others, the forgotten idea of creating my own destiny and living my best life yet was placed on hold.

As I allowed my emotional being to be challenged and even simply pressed open by the impressions of others, the dream of simply existing in this chaotic world was being smothered, until the saying "Act the way I want to feel" literally swept me away and challenged my very own essence.

Love is what guided us

Love is what we always need

Love will set the chained souls free

Love will be love when unloved

Love is the highest Love

So when I surrounded myself by positive thoughts and feelings I slowly embarked on freeing my emotionally frayed soul. I was dented and maybe even bruised, but love allowed me to act in a way that bought it full circle and back to me. Love eased any pain, doubt and frustrations and the ability to see a challenge as a life plan and a lesson afforded me clearer vision, controlled responses and a calmness like no other.

So in acting the way I want to feel I will say I am going to be acting responsibly. I am going to be acting deeply and passionately and ever present as before. I am going to act as if this moment was the only time we had to spend, so I would value and utilize each second wisely. Im going to be acting as deserving of the romance, passion and love befitting of a soul mate wishing to reconnect with her destined and to be desired for other. I am going to act as if words don't hurt and cut so deeply, a chink in the armor...sure...but a life crumbling and world straddling moment...NOPE!

                             Mission love and being responsible for acting the way I want to feel.