Road Block: A Lover's Twisted Tale of the Journey

No matter how much space you put between yourself and your emotional baggage you then begin to realize that what you never really gotten over or found some closure with will always remain a disruptive something that will taunt your future love objectives.

What I am realizing is that there is so many endings to my most vivid life stories, but yet I am making my most attempt to sort everything out. I have loyalty to my own personal feelings, deeply imbedded in being my main provider and cheerleader and flower child at heart, while retaining a radical and at times determined lover of life and everything in it's most passionate presence stance.

At this time I am thinking that life is so amazing, but yet it has some challenging fits. When you attempt to find placement for some within your lives span and heart everything begins to lose focus and all clarity and vision sustained has ended. All I am left with are my thoughts, my ideas and most basic concepts about love, life and the pursuit of my all. Whatever that may be.

The blockage I am experiencing is based on not really knowing where I stand with someone, and not really wanting to question that stance but then my emotions get the best of me and I outwardly react towards my inner feelings unexpressed. My excuses for not stating anything to him becomes my reasoning as to why we should not be together, and then I start questioning myself. How can someone with no power over my heart, mind and soul have so much say so and entrance into the depths of my inner pathways and knowledge. I easily anger when I don't hear from him, I easily mood swing when there is a delay in message, photo contact or even the simplest receptive form of communication.

If this was anyone else that I had no connective ideas or ties with, or someone I referred to in a casual stance then it would not matter to me. I wouldn't even mind the distance, the non communicative days and empty messages.

The question I am posing to myself is WHY...why are we able to fall into our most unwanted interests, but yet when we desire someone so passionately we are unable to present it to them.