The butterflies or the anxiety flies?
Recent daydreams and daymares as I like to call have caused me to over analyze HIM! Perhaps I am thinking too hard, and longing for that ideal mate and moment to enter in my life, to somehow set things straighter than before (in the dating and relating realm). However, I am only encountering barriers and walls. Although he appears to have good intentions, I question his motivations. Should I give in slightly to his come on's and lines, then I would have easily fallen into his web, but when I appear to be slightly interested and gradually entertained everything appears to be falling into perspective in regards to communication remaining close and upfront and expected when unexpected even. Perhaps this slight weekend break down has lead me to emotional rollar coaster levels! So I can't get use to the previous, and I must expect and prepare for the rest now? I have no idea, all I know is that I am definitely in a transitional phase in my life. My life has evolved several times over and around in regards to the dating and relating, and although every experience is new and different; I am sensing slight similarities, however, nothing is ever quite the same, but this time I am feeling myself entertaining the idea of liking to getting to know and then falling in love. Trusting in someone is never an easy task, but I am feeling a break free moment ideally described as off centering for me. Should I let him in, I am exposing myself to situational choices and more, but am I willing and able to accept this and his challenges?.......
Waiting for a message is like waiting for that second wind of much needed air. I am exhausted from thinking about him, and wondering why in three days I feel tumultuous tidal changes and waves extending far from behind me and drawing me in. The fear of nothing fairing well or ever being right drowns me at times, but for some reason I stay afloat and keep dreaming. Is it you?
Lesson Eighty: Just breath
Writing out a feeling leaves you not only exhausted, but it leaves you with so many misguided words, forming an even larger misguided paragraph, that is eventually read by another misguided being into understanding and acceptance. I breath a sigh of relief because I wrote exactly how I am feeling.