Love will never part
You created an experience for me, which is lasting a life time through me. When we found love I was at a point and time in my life where everything hurt and everyone hurt me. I not only lost my third serious relationship with a partner, I lost my mother at that time, I lost also a friendship with someone who I grew up with, valued their opinion at times and genuinely loved them. The chaos my life was heading towards and the downward spiral my soul was leaning to helped to continue to suffocate me more. I let go of everything I lived for and valued and believed in. I didn’t treasure my body, soul or logical mind. I didn’t appreciate anything or anyone who entered my world, from fear that they would continue to hurt, misguide and mislead me. I lost faith in myself, and everything I was slowly working towards building. My life had literally slipped away from me, and I wasn’t even willing or wanting to reclaim it back what so ever.
You entered my life in the late 2006, early 2007 year. Physically you attracted me, so no matter what you said you look and appeal mattered more to me. I didn’t want to get to know anyone in particular or have that long lasting attraction, but there was something about you that remained refreshing and new. My plans initially were to leave NY and relocate to TN to start anew and fresh, but life and it’s happenings and puzzling experiences never swayed me to the southern direction, however, our friendship remained and actually we started enjoying a friendship, knowing that the physicality of it all remained, but it would never be experienced because of our distance, budding friendship and life happenings. Having deeply heard of your experiences with particular and other women, it never bothered me too much. When I started getting a twinge of jealousy, I easily summed that moment up with “he is just my friend, nothing more and nothing less”……however, in 2008 our friendship and relationship forever changed. When you picked me up from the airport I fell in love with you, and it appears that I am still in love and unable to let you entirely go. Even with dating others and falling in love again with another, I was never quite the same or as committed as I was with you. I continually thought about you, and even with not texting or calling you, or calling you and hanging up, I still felt that hot rush of nostalgia sweeping through my veins in memory of you.
I don’t dream of Genie, but I damn sure dream of you. I reached out to you, and there is just something that I possibly can’t just yet do, or for that matter if I want to do it without you…….it’s living and experiencing and exploring my life. I have always seen you as a major part and person in my life, but damn how can we be and how do we go from here………..
I continue to ask for guidance and blessings to allow me to see where exactly I am headed and where exactly are you meant to be in my life. I have never held on to anything or anyone as much as I love and value you. My dating experience and times with people I have loved has complimented me, but never l
My journey in life continues to be pressing and a major picture in my mind and soul, but regardless of anything you will remain a major factor in my life, and for that I cannot, and will not just yet let you go. I believe all the relationship trials and tribulations, that stop and start’s occurring and simply not knowing how to validate myself and my feelings has pressed me further into the relationship hole. I must salvage my romantic life and face the many woes and issues experienced. If I am to be with you, then let me be with you. I am giving myself that experience and time to fight for your love again. To be a deserving partner of our shared loved again. I never tried with you, as I know I could and we obviously didn’t give each other a change because we allowed distance and people to interfere, but now it’s me. It’s just you. Where does our hearts part?
Lesson Eighty Four: Love will never linger too far away, my reality and true love has always been there in front of me.
When I realized that I didn’t give you a fair try and relationship, I then began understanding where our love went wrong. My ability to not see things entirely through and to believe and hold on to the fact that everything will eventually work itself through has held no weight in my emotional waters. I truly never gave us the time to expand and grow and now I am taking it there. Be it for good or for bad, I shall close this chapter, or renew its interest.