I see you

Truly I never thought I would see you as clearly as I am seeing you now, Your intent is known. I am aware of what exactly you are wanting and needing from me. I am realizing that all of this time I harbored these intense, dream-like, unrealistic one sided romantic relationship. The disbelief and chains I held on my emotional center and mind. To think I was closely relating chance happenings and meetings and moments when you disclosed and expressed your inner most personal wants and needs to me as a way for us to bond, build and grow stronger and get a lot closer to one another. I the insolent human being allowed my emotional state to be so suffocated by your bull shit, that I was unable to survive the emotional turmoil for the next two and half years.........

And to this admission of my weakness, I ask myself where do you go from here? How are you going to rewrite another two years of lost time? I can only answer my own personal questions openly and honestly and omit to my life weakness and moment in my emotional state and time when I succumbed to feelings of bliss and assumed love.

So counting time and time again my emotional upheaveals and battles with the way to love and learn and how to go about it the right way or assumed right way.....all I can say is that I am not afraid to love again, and although I have come across amazing moments and experiences in my life and time, I have come to terms with knowing that in my past I have loved and attempted to deny love and live crazed and fancy free, however, I have grown into love and experiences and had some amazing moving moments, and at other time I had tail spins and world winds, but I simply maintained my open and closed mindset.......but now I have found. The freedom......The ability to vocalize all my intentions and meaning, and holding all my desires and emotions accountable. No longer will I feel that I am settling for less, but I am looking to compliment my personal self, journeys and growth for the better.

It took seeing how possessive someone was, and one sided and determined to take their emotional shortcomings out on my highly bubbly and personable personality and self. It took an insecure man to see my ability to captivate a crowd or group, smile and laugh and show my amazing love and life. A man to separate me from my reason and abilities, and hold me almost hostage to my emotions and love life, confused and in a zombie-like state.........Years of on and off and wasted moments, but lesson learned.

Giving myself up and over to the ability to transcend and grow up and develop to live and learn and definitely love again encourages me. I have faith and believe that I am able to make the most of my passions and desires in my life and within my own eyes. Day by day I am building on controlling my emotions, and taking hold and capture of my life and within my own world. I am fortunate and blessed and ready to continue to experience and learn and give back. I have learned and lived to see another day, moment and time in my life.

The romantic and relationship chaos is what I have made it through. I am making it through. Day by day, moment by captured moment.

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